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HAPPY 2014 IN COMICS CURMUDGEONING EVERYBODY!

Hello, faithful readers! Your Comics Curmudgeon is back, and will keep on doing that thing he does in 2014, seeing as, against all odds, the print newspaper universe and its ancillary industries, like syndicated comics and bridge columns, have not shut up shop! Let us take this first of the year to give thinks for this triumph of hope over experience and/or analysis of various balance sheets, and to review the comics of the last couple of weeks.

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 12/23/13

As expected, Lu Ann’s inexplicable crush object Cole left for an upstate brain hospital, never to be seen again. Margo is trying to teach her how to use her facial expressions to mask ordinary emotions like sadness and longing, because those mark you out as weak. “Really? That’s the best you can do?” she asks, as she twists her own face into an inhuman horror-rictus.

Panel from Judge Parker, 12/23/13

You probably aren’t surprised to learn that the ultra-pampered mega-rich Parkers live in such a ennui-haze of instant gratification that the only way they can experience even a glimmer of excitement is to be in terrible mortal danger.

Mark Trail, 12/24/13

In Mark Trail, the story of the World’s Stupidest Currently Active Indian Artifact Thieves proceeds apace! It sure was dumb of Mark to turn his back on Jeff. But Jeff just knocking Mark unconscious and leaving him alive in this cabin was probably … infinitely dumber?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/24/13

On to Rex Morgan, where young Sarah found her babysitter making out with her boyfriend Niki (who also happens to be Rex’s former “fishing” “buddy”). What did you ask Santa for this Christmas? Was it Sarah Morgan acting like a creepy adult-child, only this time about sex? Well, you got it, by God.

Panel from Spider-Man, 12/25/13

Or maybe you wanted some Mark I Iron Man armor? Newspaper Spider-Man’s narration box seems to think that this is a festive thing, for some reason!

Gil Thorp, 12/25/13

Or maybe you just wanted some Christmas greetings from Coach and Mrs. Coach Thorp. Remember when the annual Thorp Christmas card featured their beloved children? Well, those kids are gone now, never mentioned, presumably removed from the timestream altogether thanks to advanced chrono-science or maybe just sold to a glove factory somewhere, which gives Gil and Mimi lots more free time for drunken Christmas partner-swapping with Coach Kaz and Kelly. Wait, is Coach Kaz’s girlfriend actually named Kelly? Whatever, I’m not bothering to look that up. The point is, they’re all going to swing.

Panel from Luann, 12/25/13

I’m quite sure nobody wanted to see Brad and Toni giving each other “sexy” Christmas gifts, and yet here we are. Why would anyone give or wear a t-shirt that says “this stud taken” on it? Is there … is there supposed to be wordplay involved, somehow?

Mark Trail, 12/25/13

OK, fine, maybe Jeff failed to kill Mark and left him to his own devices, but at least he left him permanently disabled, because he tied him up with rope! There’s no way he can escape from … oh. Oh.

Panel from Mary Worth, 12/26/13

Mary Worth continues to writhe in ecstasy due to her continued exposure to high levels of Ken Kensington’s erotic aura. “How could such a silver-haired fox still be single?” she hisses, bug-eyed, as she crams an entire cracker into her mouth without chewing. “Is it a trap?

Mary Worth, 12/27/13

Yes, Mary, it is! Ken Kensington is a soothsaying wizard like Nostradamus of old! Flee from him now before he brings you to his witch’s coven, to be sacrificed!

Curtis, 12/30/13

You may have noticed that there have been exactly zero strips from Curtis’s insane hallucinatory Kwanzaa storyline in this post. Well, there’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just going to come out and say it: Curtis-Kwanzaa (Curwanzaa?) is cancelled this year. Instead, the Wilkins parents are going out on a New Year’s date and Curtis and Barry will be babysat by the most religious woman in th’ world, who will presumably tell them that there’s no mention of any so-called Kwanzaa in the bible and they’ll have to go through an emergency exorcism for even mentioning it.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/30/13

Funky’s son Cory is back from Afghanistan, with his army buddy/fellow comic book aficionado Rocky, with whom he may or may not be romantically involved. When did your dad get so charming, Cory? Probably when he decided he wanted to fuck your girlfriend!

Gil Thorp, 12/30/13

Speaking of unwanted sexual advances, everyone wants to have sex with Wynn Wiley’s sister, who is a very good dancer! That appears to be literally the entire basketball season plot. Should be a fun next couple months!

Mark Trail, 12/31/13


“Mr. Trail, I’m tempted to kill you! I was tempted earlier, during the many, many opportunities I’ve had to do so! Almost as if it would make my life easier, somehow!”

Mark Trail, 1/1/14

But, nope, he’s just going to make Mark carry his canoe for him instead. Say, is that a beehive? We all know about Mark’s special relationship with eusocial insects. Nice knowing you, Jeff!

Apartment 3-G, 1/1/14

What? What could be better? A marriage to an Italian man? A fling with an Italian girl? An explanation as to how the Professor lost fifty pounds and de-aged thirty years? Whatever it is, we’ll all discover it in 2014, together!

137 responses to “HAPPY 2014 IN COMICS CURMUDGEONING EVERYBODY!”

  1. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Woo! Welcome back Josh. We didn’t make it to 2014 comments, but we did make 1809 and the independence of Ecuador.

  2. Jeff
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Why did Tommie’s hair change styles and the blonde girl turned into a white-haired man?

  3. Baka Gaijin
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Checkhov’s Wasps’ Nest! It’d better end up in someone’s pants by the third act.

  4. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    I know there is no official COTW for this week, so I have collected a few of my favourites, now that the bones of our mega thread have been left for the spambots to pick clean.

    @Wool Worth (#64):
    MW – Mary and Ken are still in the pizzeria
    Ken: Shall we go?
    Mary: Yes, let’s go.
    They do not move.

    It’s an excerpt from the play, “Waiting for Salmon Squares”.

    @Peanut Gallery (#96): MT – “Maybe you can find your next companion at your local Humane Society. That’s where I found Rusty!”

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#142): Andy can’t jump on visitors because he’s always blocked by Rusty sticking his nose in the poor folks’ crotches.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#848): S-M: Helping to unmask Spider-Man is apparently a big whatever to Tony Stark. He doesn’t bother to show up, or even be in the same country. “Spider-Man? Is he still even a thing?”

    GoGord: It’s tedious to draw lots of people so let’s pretend this is the version of NYC where just about wherever you go, everyone has decided to stay home today.

    @Hogenmogen (#1341): As per usual, Heathcliff is an interpreter’s field day. Is the young mouse requesting fudge? The adult mice are pleasantly drinking tea as the giant head of a cat makes its appearance in their house. Is Heathcliff bemused? Bored?
    Asleep? About to go batshit crazy on the tiny mouse that had the temerity to ask for fudge when he is naught but a noontime sacrifice to the Great Ravenous Feline God? Is the mouse announcing that he tastes like fudge? And the two adult mice with bows in their hair, calmly drinking tea as one of their own is about to be devoured in front of them. If only this strip ever came with a pamphlet from the author about what each situation represents. It’s like one of those weird political cartoons. In those cartoons, I’m always a bit annoyed when the artist has to label each character for what they represent a giant cat labeled “1%” and maybe the little mouse wearing an “Obama” sign and the two mice on the couch tagged “GOP” or some other crap. Maybe Heathcliff is “the Economy” or maybe he’s “Vladimir Putin” and the mouse is “Syria” or “Sanctions”. I have no idea. It’s anyone’s game to explain.

    @Little Guy (#1513): I also expect the dying, tattered body of Mark cradled in the arms of a grieving Cherry, while Rusty takes photos.

    @Anon (#1541): Crank: Just waiting til they kidnap that poor fireman and chain him the basement. Then, the Crankshaft women can all have turns mating with him and have him father a decade’s worth of firechildren. He’ll meet a grisly end one fall in a leaf-filled flaming trash can in Crankshaft’s backyard.

    @Baka Gaijin (#1794): I’m hoping for a wasps’ nest down someone’s pants. I don’t care whose.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#1803): Blondie: Two men wearing football helmets while snacking in front of the TV doesn’t make me think “superfans” so much as “group home.”

    The week was more muted than usual. Josh has one of those new superlocks on the liquor cabinet before he left. We broke a lot of scimitars trying to get it open.

  5. Majicou
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Hey, when you enlarge panels of Mary Worth, you can see the terrifying madness lurking behind the cracks in our reality! Fun!

    @Aviatrix (#1): Hey, and the births of Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin.

  6. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Was it Sarah Morgan acting like a creepy adult-child, only this time about sex? Well, you got it, by God.

    Some requests Santa fills, while losing a certain respect for the asker.

    Welcome back, Josh. When’s the Bridge Column Curmudgeon launch?

  7. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#4): Thank you, Aviatrix. It’s a nice lil shindig you put together.

  8. Baka Gaijin
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#4): Thank you. Also, when is the wasps’ nest going down someone’s pants?

  9. Ebenezer Wasabi
    January 1st, 2014 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    In the Spider-Man panel referenced above, everyone looks like they were crafted out of LEGO bricks — including J. Jonah LEGOson.

  10. Johnny Q
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp’s children were “maybe just sold to a glove factory somewhere.” For their labor or their hides?

    Curtis: Is Ms. Claibourne’s first name Rosalynn? (CALVIN & HOBBES lives!)

  11. Ebenezer Wasabi
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    “Something much better” obviously means having sex with a Greek man who’s suddenly young enough to be his own son. A Greek man who isn’t wearing any pants.

  12. Horace Broon
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh! Happy new year! Lang may yer lum reek, as we say up here.

    ASM: “Manbot”? I get the impression Stan is fuming that Roy Thomas has already established “Mandroid” in the Marvel Universe as a related but distinct concept.

    Pluggers: I missed the #1 Pluggers of 2013 yesterday. Was it “If a Plugger wants some time off, he comes up with an excuse for running old strips”?

    RMMD: June knows no good can come of Rex “thinking”.

  13. Chip
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    “No, Margo, something much better: I learned how to turn Lu Ann into a handsome silver fox! Happy New Year!”

  14. Amos Snarkadder
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#1):

    We didn’t make it to 2014 comments, but we did make 1809 and the independence of Ecuador.

    Oh, no! You mean we’re stuck in 1809? Well, at least we’ll learn something about Mary Worth’s teen years!

  15. Calico
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    JP – We all know you gave her the slip, over the rail.
    Randy had better back out. Now.

    MT – To say “Mr. Trail” is either weird or extremely condescending in this situation.
    Saying “You fucking asshole” or “You stupid son of a bitch” would be more appropriate, at least in a screen play. But I know that can’t be said in a comic strip.

  16. Calico
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    And Bawwwww, I want some Kwaanza stories! Now!

  17. Calico
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#3):
    I really hope we’ll bee pleasantly surprizzzzed.

    3G – Luann looks like a Televangelist with that face.

  18. Ebenezer Wasabi
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Evil criminal mastermind Jeff Blofeld enjoys the thrill of the hunt too much to kill Trail, Mark Trail outright. (And Mark likes his maple syrup shaken, not stirred!)

  19. TimP
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Yes, we’ve been trying to parse the current Gil Thorp plot over at This Week in Milford. Best I can tell – and I don’t speak for any of my co-bloggers – Wynn is an unspeakably violent creep.

  20. Joe Blevins
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    A3G (12/23): Margo: “Note to self. Order stronger neurotoxins next time.”

    JP (12/23): Alan is looking at us apparently for an answer to his wife’s rhetorical question. “Well, folks, is this exciting or isn’t it? Clearly, I’m in no position to decide that.”

    MT (12/24): Jeff: “Yeah, the other crooks all thought I was crazy to spend so much time mastering the fine art of portaging. But I just knew it would pay off some day!”

    JP (12/24): The only ambiguity here is whether little Sarah is euphemistically referencing a handy or a BJ.

    SPIDEY (12/25): “Hooray! A huge, dangerous machine that’s literally spewing flames! Let’s all run closer to it!”

    GT (12/25): So … so Gil has been … aware of us this whole time and … and knows we’ve been watching? I’m gonna have to take a minute to process this.

    LUANN (12/25): This is what’s called Passive Aggression Through Gift-Giving. Toni and Brad have learned the most important lesson of the holidays: you can use Christmas presents to hurt and humiliate those closest to you.

    MT (12/25): Hey, let’s not automatically disparage Jeff’s canoe-and-pack-carrying capabilities, Mark. Did you ever think he might have put the two packs inside the canoe? No. No, you didn’t. And that’s why you’re spending Christmas staggering around with your wrists tied together and looking for a convenient hatchet lodged in a nearby tree instead of withholding emotional intimacy from your family like you should be!

    MW (12/26): I don’t know why, but I like to think that Mary is actually capable of dispensing whole crackers from her mouth.

    MW (12/27): Crossing my fingers and hoping for a flashback to the glory days of That’s Nostradamus!

    CURTIS (12/30): I think Curtis’ dad hired Ms. Claibourne because he’s lost his freakin’ mind. I mean, just look at him in panel one, trying to stop the voices in his brain by slapping the sides of his head.

    FW (12/30): If by “charming” you mean “insufferably dickish,” I think that’s a question for Batiuk historians. It was during one of the time jumps, right?

    GT (12/30): “Put-back?” “Slash to the hoop?” Good lord, you’re just pulling this basketball terminology out of thin air, aren’t you?

    MT (12/31): “Uh… this is a little embarrassing. Could you give me, like, maybe two minutes? Trust me, it’s for both our sakes.”

    MT (1/1): “Stop worrying about the Indian stuff and pick up that canoe!” “Well, actually, Jeff, the indigenous peoples of North America have long fashioned canoes out of…” “SHUT THE HELL UP, TRAIL! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, A SUNDAY STRIP?”

    A3G (1/1): I’d like to propose that As Friends Relax be the new title for this strip. It would take a lot of pressure off the writer to keep coming up with, you know, plots and stuff.

  21. Peanut Gallery
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    DT – Pretty spry for a dead guy.

    @Aviatrix (#4): Thanks! And I hope you’ll keep wasting time hanging out with us here, at least until you have to fly off somewhere again!

  22. The Mighty Captain E
    January 1st, 2014 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Tommie has somehow hooked up with Anderson Cooper’s evil twin. She continues apace with her fabulously disastrous hook-ups. That look on her face in the first panel is the horror of realization that she forgot to remind her flatmates to start calling her ‘Tom’ instead of ‘Tommie’.

  23. Droopy Says
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    My 2013 New Year’s resolution worked so well (“Don’t read Luann”) that I’m renewing it. But what can I do when Josh puts the strip where I can’t ignore it? Rosa calls Gunther a stud because he has all the personality and looks of a two-by-four. She’s going to hammer a nail into his chest and hang a framed picture there.

  24. bats :[
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    The first bats :[ mashup of 2014! And the original didn’t escape Josh’s eagle eye, either!

  25. Elk Meadow
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh!
    Happy New Year, everyone!

  26. sally
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#15):

    I assumed “Mr. Trail” was an homage to Dr. No:

    “Do you expect me to talk?”

    “No, Mr. Trail! I expect you to carry my canoe!”

    Also, Dr. NoBrains knows better than to threaten Mark’s virility, since he wouldn’t miss it.

  27. sally
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp Xmas: I had assumed those WERE the beloved children, now six years older yet still completely childlike.

    But yeah, “completely childlike” applies more to Coach Kaz, as well.

    Happy New Year!

  28. tallyHO
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Happy New Year, everybody! May someone else change the Baby New Year so you don’t need to!

    Josh, you wrote, “Let us take this first of the year to give thinks for this triumph of hope over experience…”

    Did you mean “give thAnks”?

    And, boy oh boy! in Apt. 3G, Tommie back! And, she’s hooked up with a svelte Professor Popsontopofthis? That’s incredible!

    Why we haven’t seen him since…Geez…has it been a freaking year? Wasn’t the last time he was shown in a hospital after rescuing people from that fire? Back when Bond James Bond was thinking he could marry Margo—the woman who can not be tamed, captured, withheld from playing the field?

    Speaking of which, what the hell has Margo done all year? Has the strip been all about LuAnn?

    Groooaaaan!

  29. Amber
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Obvs the Professor has been aged down to jump on this “hipster” wagon that the creators have heard so much about. Hipsters have chin beards, right? And dark, soulless black eyes? That’s a thing, I’m sure.

    I look forward to Tommy telling everyone how the hip, young Prof has hooked her on Mumford & Sons and taught her the importance of canning your urban-garden tomatoes.

  30. Ratiocinator
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back Josh, and Happy 2014!

    @Majicou (#y1791): Whoa! Okay, I will not complain about my puny backlog any more…

  31. Peanut Gallery
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#6):

    When’s the Bridge Column Curmudgeon launch?

    “I was going to bid 3NT, but when I saw that South had turned into a beast from a terrifying hell-dimension, I decided to pass.”

  32. tallyHO
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Waitasecond!
    Holdthephone!

    Margo asks Tommie if the advice provided was taken.
    Tommie repeats the advice, like a dutiful student.
    All the while some dude is standing right in front of both of
    them.

    Was Margo’s question the wrong one?
    Shouldn’t she have asked, “Aren’t you going to introduce us to this handsome
    stranger, Tommie, this guy who walked into our apartment with you?”

    Or, was he hiding by kneeling on the floor, out of Margo’s range of vision, invisible, to us, too?

    Or, is the dude really not standing there in front of them and exists only in Tommie’s mind?

  33. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Additionally, Brad’s t-shirt looks way too small. I guess she thinks that will make him look sexxxy. Really it will just chafe his armpits and make his gut look bigger.

    2C&C: The bulldozer driver isn’t really terrified of the Indian burial grounds. If Slylock were here, he’d point out that he took the time to change out of his red shirt into his yellow one before running off. The matching purple pants give it away. The two bulldozer drivers were inspired by the bongo drums to do their dance routine.

    A3G: I can’t wait to see the look on Margo’s face when she learns how many Italian men it takes to satisfy Tommie, and what she has them do for her.

    S-M: Remote communication with a technician who remotely controls the robot? Why did Peter Parker change his costume? Using a remote is Peter Parker’s greatest skill.

    @Joe Blevins (#20): Are you sure he’s mastered it? A commenter at the Seattle-PI site pointed out an important piece of information: Mark followed the thief downstream, towards the sound of the rapids, but now he is portaging the canoe upstream.

  34. Rusty
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    What’s that horrifying growth on the professor’s chin?

  35. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @sally (#26):

    I’m fairly certain that was Goldfinger and not Dr. No who delivered that classic Bond line.

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 1st, 2014 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

  37. Another Kiwi
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    What is wrong with Mary’s mouth in the second panel when the fan has done their best to cheer up Ken by getting him to sign her burger wrapper? Is she wryly thinking “Enjoy it while you can Ken, soon you will be enmeshed in Charter Towers Bridge games and baking contests” or is she thinking “Enjoy it while you can Ken, soon you will be enmeshed in Charter Towers Bridge games and baking contests”
    Who can tell?

  38. demoncat4
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    rmmd . kelly is in enough trouble being blackmailed by sarah that the last thing she wants is for rex and june to learn she talked sex with her.

  39. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Another Kiwi (#37): You’re right. Clearly, Mary will not be persuaded to stay in New York, but Ken is so smitten that he will be forced to move to Santa Royale where the tedium of empty sidewalks, insipid restaurants, and nothing but white folks will … be so much like New York it will be as if he never left.

  40. Midtown
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#3): Checkhov’s wasps’ nest

    And don’t forget Checkhov’s maple syrup spill. Bears must come into play there. I’m glad to see the LoFo forest creatures taking a more pro-active role in crime-fighting these days. Our (tax-deductible) contributions to the Fund to Benefit Stupid Wildlife are beginning to pay off.

  41. Dennis Jimenez
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Hey – I’m diggin’ Margo with Karl Mauldin’s schnoz…..

    RMMD – An’ I’m diggin’ the look on Sarah’s face in the last panel – it absolutely says to me, “Yeah, right – with his dick in your mouth.”

    S-M – Ironman’s known for a super stream of piss – no prostatitis for Tony Stark…

    MW – Lazy eye – Putin on the Ritz….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  42. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Midtown (#40): Bees too would be attracted to maple syrup. Perhaps after the bees facilitate Mark’s escape they will lead him to the cached artifacts.

  43. Cloudbuster
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    how the Professor lost fifty pounds and de-aged thirty years?

    I’m glad I wasn’t the only one wondering this. I was afraid I’d just gotten the age and appearance confused with the chinbearded guy who lives in Charterstone with Mary Worth and is married(?) to the blonde chick.

  44. Robot Quasar
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    I we’d be getting a new Professor P. once they burned through the strips featuring Richard Griffiths (RIP), but frankly I’m surprised Apartment 3G went with Jason Priestly sporting white shoe polish.

  45. cooby
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Not digging Tommie’s new hairdo

  46. cooby
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Either of them

  47. Adam
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m new to 3-G.
    Why is it bad that Tommie has a new white haired man?

  48. Roto13
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    When I saw that Mary Worth face horror panel, I thought “Man, I really wish the Comics Curmudgeon wasn’t on a break.”

  49. Buck Ripsnort
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    GAAAHHH! Josh is back early! Everybody hide the booze and the Luann porn!

  50. Liam
    January 1st, 2014 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G (12/23)-”Really? That’s the best you can do? You must look like you are ready to kill Batman.”

    Garfield (1/4/14)-I like George Orwell’s version of that quote better.

  51. Dennis Jimenez
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#43): Prof. Ian Cameron (Emeritus) discovered the quick and easy way to lose 30lbs of ugly fat – Toby cut off his head….

  52. Adam
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s friend has 6 fingers.
    5 In front and one thumb.

  53. tallyHO
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Adam (#47):

    As far as we know, it isn’t bad.

    The thing about A3G is that most of the love interests for the Three Girls of Apartment 3G all are clones of each other. Once in a while some blonde version will show up. And, recently there was one with brown hair but he had a brain tumor.

    So, this guy is not cut from the same clone cloth as others. Instead, he seems to be a thinner version of one of the few other male characters. There’s a guy who lives in their building who is a professor of Greek origins. (I ruefully refer to him as Professor Soulpatch, according to my notes (just kidding. I’m going on memory here. Lame memories.)).

    Since Tommie went on a Mediterranean vacation, did she hook up with a younger, stronger, more viral version of Prof. Soulpatch? Or, was Prof. Soulpatch’s character revised to be a younger man? Or, did he go on a crash diet and it turns out he is just handsomely white-haired, silver mained? Or, is he a ghost of a man that LuAnn killed on her vacation?

    These are questions which need to be answered and probably won’t even come up in the strip at all. Instead, it will be a lame story featuring lame-o characters who do stupid things because they “give birth to a different drummer”, because they don’t seem to trust medical experts, because they don’t function in society as their peers probably do, etc. etc.

  54. Poteet
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: Bees? No, not bees. Definitely not bees. That is a (well-drawn, thank you TRMT) nest of the bald-faced hornet. Bald-faced hornets ordinarily focus on two things — (1) making big beautiful nests by chewing up wood and extruding paper, and (2) feeding their larvae by capturing and chewing up other kinds of insects, including many insects that humans consider to be pests. The hornets ordinarily mind their own business while doing those things.

    However, they do aggressively defend their big nest if some idiot whacks something against it. They do so by charging out and chasing and repeatedly stinging whatever is attacking the nest. This makes perfect sense from an evolutionary point of view. Many other kinds of wasps with much smaller colonies and nests are much less aggressive, because their small nests don’t represent such an expenditure of effort and are more hidden and less likely to attract attention.

    So, short version, if Mark whacks the canoe against that nest, what happens next will serve him and Jeff right. Thank you, rant over.

  55. tallyHO
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G is just a bad strip.

    Margo starts out by saying it is time for “girl talk”. Why would she say that if there is a guy standing right there, a complete and utter stranger, to boot?

    Is he gay? Does Margo’s gaydar recognize this? Is that why she feels comfortable with the “girl talk” right then and there? Or…

    Did LuAnn turn into a dude?
    Or, is Margo’s Electra complex flaring up and she sees a handsome, older gentlemen when anyone mentions young “Italian boy(s)”?
    Or, is Margo smitten with this guy who just pops up and is he smitten with her?
    Does this mean some form of menage a trois will occur in the strip?
    Or, is this guy a figment of every one of the girl’s imaginations?
    Tomorrow will his hair be jet black?
    Tomorrow will he have a mustache, too?
    Tomorrow, will LuAnn never be seen again, since she dominated the strip in recent months?
    It is just a bad strip that really needs three panels to not be confusing.

  56. BigTed
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Why would a famous show-business charmer like Ken Kensington be interested in aging scold Mary Worth? Because now we know that his groupies look like the Joker’s grandma, and Mary’s practically a babe in comparison. Heck, Ken’s so squeamish about making even the smallest physical contact with this lady that he managed to sign an autograph without removing his heavy gloves.

  57. BigTed
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Rocky seems about ready to seduce the pants off her boyfriend’s creepy dad. Hey, Funky, ever see “Poison Ivy”? I’d Netflix it now if I were you!

  58. Poteet
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: I hope all those “native artifacts” are made of stone and other sturdy materials, because I’m pretty sure that “dump them all randomly into straw baskets and bury them deep in soil of unknown type and hydrology and leave them there for a month” is not the recommended protocol for ideal preservation.

  59. Ratiocinator
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#54): I was guessing he’d whack the nest and then get underneath the canoe so that the stinging insects in question would only go after Jeff. We’ll see if I guessed right in the next couple days, I guess.

  60. Dr. Pill
    January 1st, 2014 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh. My daily comics viewing returns to as normal as things get around here.

    Mark Traiil must have swigged some stupid juice ’cause that bad guy keeps gettin’ the drop on him & the bad guy just keeps comin’ back for more ‘stead of gettin’ the hell out of Dodge (or LoFo, as the case may be). Perhaps he’s in love with Mark, meanin’ this storyline won’t end well.

  61. Poteet
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#33): What’s 2C & C? Sorry, I feel like a noob.

  62. BigTed
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    “Klunky”? “Klap Klap Klap”? I assume Stan Lee’s a pretty rich guy — you’d think he would have fixed the “C” on his typewriter by now. (And he should thank the sharp-eyed editor at the syndicate who flagged “Khristmas” before this strip went to press.)

  63. Poteet
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#59): What a great idea! I hadn’t thought of that. Well, great for Mark, anyway. Alas, poor hornets. They hate when that happens.

  64. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#61): Two Cows and a Chicken. I was trying to be all cool, but clearly over-abbreviated. And it’s a webcomic only.

  65. Red Greenback
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Mary samples some exotic cuisine.

  66. mstgator
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Excuse me, are those Jack Eleod jeans you’re wearing?

    I thought so.

  67. mstgator
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Elrod. What the hell is Eleod and why is it in autocorrect?

  68. tb4000
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#62): I pray he catches it before a character with a stutter attempts to say “krazy.”

  69. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    January 1st, 2014 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Great wrap-up, but if we come away from it with only one life lesson securely embedded in our brains, it’s that some of those panels were never, ever meant to be enlarged.

  70. Illustrator Steve
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#54):
    Thank you for that information regarding the differences between the bees and hornets … if Mark reads it he will finally be prepared to have that father and son talk with Rusty about the hornets and the bees.

    //So let me get this straight, you’ve got your killer bees (no, not YOU personally of course) and Lost Forest has their VILLAINOUS HORNETS ?

  71. Hank G.
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Considering he’s 89, I suppose I should cut Frank Bolle some slack, but God, the Apt. 3-G art is horrible.

  72. Illustrator Steve
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#58):
    No worries, at least for the pack basket with the spilled maple syrup in it. By now the sticky syrup has crystallized forming an inpenetrable glass-like coating on the interior lining that should preserve the artifacts underground for at least as long as the ancient pyramids have been standing!

  73. Calico
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#35):
    This Trail is cold…

    Da dah Da dah
    DAH!

  74. Calico
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Hank G. (#71):
    Luann is the fairly consistent visage – the others, hmmmmm…

  75. Dan
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    They’re playing a sport where there’s a move called the finger-roll layup, and the best basketball-themed innuendo-about-your-sister they can come up with is, “nice moves?” I don’t know if Gil can reach these kids. I don’t know if he should even try.

  76. Liam
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#65):

    That should be made into a poster.

  77. Liam
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    MW (12/26)-Maybe Ken saw the way Mary can swallow a cracker and that’s what caused him to fall instantly for her.

  78. seismic-2
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    This is what Ari Papagoras looked like just over 3 years ago, when he was the Dr. Feelgood pusher of psycho-pharms to Margo’s loony Mom, Roberta. How did he lose more than 50 pounds to become the svelte character we see today? Well, on Christmas of 2012, Margo’s assistant planted a bomb in her closet, for no real reason that was ever explained, and when the bomb went off it set the building on fire, and in the excitement and in the thick (and pink!) smoke Ari had a heart attack, so the guy who plays James Bond in the movies had to carry him down the stairs and out of the building. Ari’s heart attack was mentioned maybe once during Margo’s own convalescence from the bombing, and then Margo said the whole incident meant nothing to her, so it was swept under the rug and that was that. However, we can assume that Ari lost a lot of weight as a result of the heart attack. As for how he now looks 20 years younger than he did before the bombing, we can only assume that he was badly burned in the fire, and he had plastic surgery. Wouldn’t that make him look maybe horribly scarred or otherwise disfigured? Ah, that’s the effect of the magic pink smoke, silly!

  79. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    A special super-sized CC post that covers everything from Apartment 3-G to Worth, Mary? Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to me!

  80. Calico
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#65):
    LOL – that’s a biggie! Get ready, Mary!
    Occasionally I see these during the Summertime around the woods of QC. No, I don’t touch or pick them.

  81. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#4): Thanks for the ride on your mini-float!

    Welcome back, Josh—happy new year! Your end-of-2013 recap gives us a good, hilarious start to the year!

  82. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

  83. Illustrator Steve
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    MT – This just in from Lost Forest… VILLAINOUS HORNETS HAVE OVERPOWERED THE KILLER BEES AND ARE MOVING TOWARDS THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE NOT TOO FAR FROM A NEARBY AREA!
    …In other news, local outdoorsman Mark Trail’s son, Rusty Trail arrived home at suppertime two months ago after visiting friends and found an empty house without any signs of life or even his supper. No further word has since surfaced regarding the strange disappearance of Mark and Cherry Trail along with her father and dog but the residents of Lost Forest are hopeful that fowl play is suspected. Rusty Trail (12) has since been in the care of Ranger Tom Martin who has been taking him fishing every day… film at 11.

  84. Aviatrix
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#78): That’s a really good explanation. I don’t even think it requires plastic surgery. As result of his heart attack he changed his diet, stopped drinking, and started exercising. Also he started wearing Margo’s moisturizer, because then when he smalls himself he feels as though she is near him all the time.

  85. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 1st, 2014 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#84): I know it’s a typo, but the idea of someone “smalling” himself as he thinks of Margo seems oddly appropriate.

  86. Liam
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    MW (12/27)-”You’re too kind. The play was intended to be a flop but it somehow turned into a hit.”

  87. Liam
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann (12/25)-Were they sold out of the stud detectors?

    JP (12/23)-”I don’t care that my life is in danger and that I could be killed I’m more interested in buying this car or a similar one like it.”

  88. Casey, Crime Photographer
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: We aren’t supposed to worry that Agnes is any danger from the half-naked man who suddenly appears in her bedroom…

    He is, after all, a FAIRY!

  89. Rusty
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    FW: Funky’s mind races as he thinks of a way to ask Rocky if she ever needs to pee in a bush while jogging.

  90. Casey, Crime Photographer
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#85): They also end up soiling themselves when they think of Margo.

    @Casey, Crime Photographer (#88): “is IN any danger” (way too much celebrating, way too little sleep!)

  91. Poteet
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#64): Thank you. I enjoyed the running dozer drivers. There have been a few real-life badnesses involving dozers and Indian mounds in Iowa. Yay frogs and rabbits.

  92. Poteet
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#70): If the suggestion in #59 is followed, maybe they will be Heroic Hornets attacking Jeff The Perp. In the old Michigan suburb where I grew up, bald-faced hornets lived peaceful lives in nests built way up in backyard trees, mostly unnoticed and stinging no one, except on the rare occasions when some fool thought it would be a good idea to climb up a ladder and whack at the nest with a rake.

  93. Huckleberry Fink
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal: Don’t laugh, Herbert. During the Gold Rush of 1849, Ebola rode in a covered wagon all the way from Baitimore to Californ-i-ay.

  94. Huckleberry Fink
    January 1st, 2014 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Rubes: Wendy’s decides to recycle its “Where’s the beef?” catchphrase.

  95. Aviatrix
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Roto13 (#48): Josh takes breaks. Comics Curmudgeon continues just the same.

  96. Aviatrix
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#85): Oh you are so right. It’s probably a rare man who can keep from smalling himself in the presence of Margo.

  97. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    MW: Fair is fair, so I hereby thank Moy and Giella for letting us look at dinosaur bones for almost as long as we had to look at pizza-eating.

  98. Aviatrix
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#91): Native people and their legacies have been treated poorly all over the continent, so I’m not surprised. I think, however, that the Indian burial mounds story in the comic is just a cover to stop development on land that is legally owned by the titular cows and chicken, but they have yet to claim it, so their eight-year old representative is stalling for time.

  99. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    MT: Aaaand it’s Ratiocinator at #59 for the win! If Mark has the sense to hide under the canoe, that is, and if I were him, I’d get that canoe right down on top of me NOW. Hornets can fly pretty damn fast.

  100. Huckleberry Fink
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Gil and the ref compare penis sizes.

    Henry: Is this how “Casey, Crime Photographer” got his start?

    Crankshaft: “Chris, are you really going to leave me with our asshat of a father?”

  101. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#98): Ah, interesting. Iowa does have laws that protect burial mounds, but in at least two cases I heard about, bulldozer operators/developers allegedly didn’t recognize the mounds in time *cough* and “accidentally” destroyed them. But it happened some years ago and I hope it would be more difficult to try that now. Good luck to the cows and chicken.

  102. mollificent
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Just going to poke my head in here and say HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Miss you guys. *hugs*

  103. Huckleberry Fink
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: According to Mama Smif, Loweezy’s been eating herself. (Wait, what?)

    Mother Goose: At least we know now where the carpet fibers on Grimmy’s ass came from.

  104. seismic-2
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @mollificent (#102): But have you missed 9CL? Have a great 2014!

  105. Baka Gaijin
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @mollificent (#102): Welcome and feel free to poke in at any time!

    //I hope that didn’t sound nasty.

  106. Lord Epping
    January 2nd, 2014 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#93): I’ve heard of Baitimore. It’s about 60 kilometres from Worms, Germany.

  107. Bat Poon
    January 2nd, 2014 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Klap for the Iron Man
    He gonna rate your record high
    Klap for the Iron Man
    You gonna dig him ’til the day you die

  108. Steve
    January 2nd, 2014 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Question 1: Who will win the fight, Spider-Man or Manbot? Assume that bot crushes spider, spider envenoms man, and man disassembles bot. Show your work.

    Question 2: Who would win in a fight, R2-D2 or the Garbage Ape?

  109. Uncle Lumpy
    January 2nd, 2014 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#108):

    Trick question – Garbage Ape is made of win.

  110. sally
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:18 am [Reply]

  111. Aviatrix
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    I haven’t followed Spider-Man closely, because just as Mark Trail is said to infect the criminals who cross him with a contact stupid, the mere sight of Spider-Man overwhelms me with a lethargy so great I can’t be bothered to click the button to make the letters big enough to read. But this I know:

    Spider-Man is a superhero. He ties up bad guys, leaving them for the cops, and he stands up his attractive and successful girlfriend. His main source of income is selling pictures he takes of himself.

    J.J. Jameson is a newspaperman and his sole customer for these photos. Jameson is not a charitable man, so presumably he makes money by publishing these photographs. It is in his interest for Spider-Man to continue his ineffectual existence.

    It makes sense for Parker to assume his Spider-Man identity, because a robot finding Spider-Man and declaring him to be Spider-Man is no threat to anyone. But it’s somewhat implied that this is a killer robot, such that if Spider-Man loses this battle he experiences physical harm or is unmasked. But win or lose the robot unmasks Jameson and Ironman as villains who would publicly and ostentatiously harm one of their city’s superheroes.

    The only upside I see for anyone is that Spider-Man gets a chance to make up for missing out on the crazy luchadore action from the previous plotline.

  112. Droopy Says
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “Look! It’s Spiderman!” In a surprise development, Spiderman will be saved by Captain Obvious.

    Family Circus: Thel silently observes that the now-empty stable is just big enough to hold a folded-up Jeffy. If she plays this right nobody will discover his boxed-up body until next December.

    Flabby Winkerbores: “We assumed that when you returned from the war you would still be the same kid who lounged about with his comics, so it didn’t occur to us that you might not discover your Christmas present until after Christmas–oh, okay, I was just too lazy to wrap your gift. Imagine that!”

    In other words, gawd, Cootie looks “surprised.”

    Jugheaded Parker: Are we there yet? Are we having fun yet?

    Mark Trail: What makes it funny is that Mark is much closer to the hornet’s nest than Jeff. This will ruin his plan to run away, so he can get recaptured later.

    Phantom: As opposed to civilized tall poisoner. Maybe Dick Rubber could get on with his nefarious plans to Do Something nefarious.

    Pluggers:

  113. Aviatrix
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    MT: YES! Hot foreground wildlife action! Go for the pants, hornets! Go for the pants!

  114. Aviatrix
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    MW: From the perspective in the first frame, Ken almost appears to be on his knees in front of Mary. I hope this whole arc ends with his regaining his voice moments before falling off the Statue of Liberty, his last thought being a little image of the statue in Mary’s image.

  115. Droopy Says
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Huh?

    Pluggers: It’s funny because that’s a Confederate flag. Which somehow comes as no surprise.

    9 Dickweed Lane: Only longtime fans of this strip and a few Curmudgeons (groups of equal size) know who this character is, or why Brooke thinks this is a dramatic development. To the rest of us, it looks like a costumed drunk with a huge shaving cut is about to get arrested. Which may be the dramatic development Brooke has planned.

  116. tallyHO
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#109):

    You’re probably correct.

    I could see Chewbacca and Han Solo hunting him down and Garbage Ape capturing them.

    There’s Something about Mary Worth – thank goodness the dinosaur skeleton was there to make Ken Kensington look a bit younger.

    The Heathcliff-Super, Underemployed Chicken Power Hour
    I kind of feel sorry for the guy. Oh, the indignity of walking home in a chicken suit with a cat latched on his tail. What must the neighbors think?

  117. Droopy Says
    January 2nd, 2014 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: Is the Iron Man-bot floating in the air? Are his soles smoking from a case of terminal athlete’s foot? Did he steal the rocket-feet gimmick from Astroboy? At least with Astroboy, the line of thrust passed through his center of mass. When the Manbot landed, that was obviously not the case. The machine would have spun like a pinwheel, which would have been more entertaining than this.

  118. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    9CL: I don’t care I don’t care I SO don’t care.

  119. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#72): I used real maple syrup this past week for the first time in a few years, and I totally believe you.

  120. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    @mollificent (#102): You are missed! Stop by again soon, please.

  121. Poteet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#113): Yes, hornets, go for the pants! AND the faces, so we can watch arms waving wildly up and down! Rah, rah, hornets! Rah, rah, hornets!

  122. Liam
    January 2nd, 2014 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    Archie-Oh look, Reggie’s just invented something new where you go down hill on a board instead of a pair of skis.

    Love Is-There’s got to be a better way of breaking this board in half.

    MW-Another day. Another round of Ken begging that Mary stay in New York.

    A3G-”And now let’s never speak of this engagement again.”

    RMMD-”Sarah is just totally amazing at blackmailing people to get what she wants.”

  123. Baka Gaijin
    January 2nd, 2014 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#108): Of course Garbage Ape will win over a garbage can shaped robot.

    @Aviatrix (#113): Yes, Yes, YES!!!!

    @Poteet (#121): See above.

  124. Liam
    January 2nd, 2014 at 5:41 am [Reply]

    FW-”I’ve never owned it because it is terrible.”

  125. Gerry
    January 2nd, 2014 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    Maybe Cory’s dad is just happy that the army buddy his som has been talking so much about is female…

  126. gleeb
    January 2nd, 2014 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    ‘bean-So, all the effort of enduring granny-cheating john’s condescending didacticism comes to this: a look of dull surprise on the front of her son’s head. Has it been worth it, Holly?

    Dick-“Well, he’s dead. Time for my next victim.”

    Luann-Rosa, you are trying to get water to run uphill.

    3G-No, engaged as in she’s going to be doing 6 shows a week at the Taj Mahal casino in Atlantic City.

    ‘shaft-Go, Pam! Just because she’s about to leave is no reason to let up on quashing your sister’s joy!

    Rex-Oh, she had a handful, but it wasn’t Sarah.

  127. Comicmama
    January 2nd, 2014 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    A3G – So while we have suffered the last several months with Luann’s boring love life and clashes with a stylist (gala dresses do not come in nasty pink buttoned to the chin!), Tommie has had a fabulous whirlwind romance with European royalty? Italian mafioso? Eurotrash? Soon-to-be defrocked priest? Nah, this is Tommie – probably some schlub who got lost trying to find Rome.

  128. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 2nd, 2014 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    9CL – So, the person who Juliette thought was her father, but turned out to just have been the person who raised her, turns out to also not be the person Edna fell in love with during the war before she fell in love with Juliette’s father. Is that what it took three months to explain?

    So, if I’m following this correctly, the person whose grave she is descecrating by wearing the helmet that had sat on it for 70 years is a complete stranger she has no connection to?

  129. bemibet
    January 2nd, 2014 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    MT – No, Mark, to escape you have to say “Jack Elrod” 3 times, like “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice!”

  130. Calico
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#116):
    I used to love going to the Dino Room at the NYC Museum of Natural History as a kid and having a chat with ol’ T Rex.. I also love the gemstone room (I wonder if they still have those tacky yet charming typed out cards identifying each stone?).

  131. Calico
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    RM – Reverse blackmail? Possibly.

    Henry is going to upload that photo to You Tube, and Mom’s not going to be happy about it.

    FW – Oh for God’s sake, give it a break.
    (Pam trips on the steps going up to her house and shatters her foot)

  132. Calico
    January 2nd, 2014 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#131):
    I meant CS instead of Funky Misery.

    H&L – what is it with the heavy outlines again?

  133. Daniel
    January 2nd, 2014 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    MW (Mel Brooks voice): “see! diviners! on ice!” (smash cut to the Cumaean Sibyl, John of Patmos, and Cardano weaving around Nostradamus the black sheep)

  134. Wool Worth
    January 2nd, 2014 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#4) A belated thanks, Aviatrix.

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