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This week’s comment of the week is brought to you by … you! Well, more specifically, by one of you.

“I’m pretty sure Eric and Nora were actually discussing Family Matters. I’m guessing the conversation went something like this: ‘Say, did Urkel have a catchphrase?’ ‘What do you mean, Eric?’ ‘I mean, all one-note black sitcom stars have always had a catchphrase, right? You know, something like Whatchoo Talkin’ ’Bout or Dy-No-Mite! So Urkel MUST have had one, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it was.’ ‘Hmmm, maybe his inimitable voice was a sort of a play on the idea of a catchphrase?’ ‘No, he must have had … Margo — I didn’t hear you arrive!'” –jakester

But that’s not all! There are also hilarious runners-up!

“I don’t know what’s more delicious about today’s strip: the fact that Margo’s thought balloon is so stilted, or the fact that Tim labels his journal like he’s a 12-year-old girl.” –King Folderol

“I’m glad Eric has learned the lesson that was drummed into me while living in Manhattan: Never, ever, lock your front door.” –Mad Dog Rackham

“Based on the placement of the Washington Monument in the background, I would guess Gretchen is about to run up the steps of the national headquarters of the Daughters of the American Revolution and plant her bomb. What in the heck does she have against them? ‘I’ll teach them to have a display of Amish quilts!'” –smacky

“I think that the Mary Worth is symbolism. It symbolizes Drew being a huge prick. Who was thinking with his dick. And probably has to masturbate from now on.” –Lord-z

“Just so we can keep this never-ending series of angry departure scenes going, I’d like to see the ghostly figure of Drew’s super-ego separate itself from the rest of the good doctor, make come cutting remark (‘Really, Cory, you are such a douche!’) and then speed off in some little phantom car. Next week: Super-ego catches up with Dawn and cons her into some meaningless revenge sex.” –JamesinMaine

“Dawn found me and Vera at… Y’know, Dad, you’re not making this any easier by snuggling with Mary while I’m talking. No, seriously, knock it off. You’re skeevin’ me out.” –The Spectacular Spider-Brick

“I get the summer activities that are portrayed here: surfing, volleyball and suntanning. What I don’t get is why Veronica’s activity — smoking giant doobies and sniffing glue while wearing a Zorro mask — is limited to summer. It seems like that could be fun all year long.” –Darkefang

“Panel two [of Gil Thorp]: If anyone can tell me what the hell is going on here I will give them a dollar.” –Moon Mullins

“What’s more striking to me about Shoe is the omenous half-shading of the Perfesser in the second panel. He looks like he should be saying, ‘How many would the mayor serve … you know, if I slaughtered him and roasted his flesh.'” –JPool

“When I read about the new, ‘timeless’ semi-retirement mode of FBoFW, I assumed it would just start being like the other comics on the page where nobody ever ages or changes or graduates from high school. I didn’t expect this kind of bizarre, disorienting, Bil-Keane-meets-Billy-Pilgrim experiment in nonlinear narrative.” –Hip Young Urban Plugger

“Mary Worth may move at a glacial pace but it befits the cold, cool iciness of what should be her heart.” –Dingo

“Remember this moment. It’s the moment where Drew realizes that he will never have an erection again for the rest of his life.” –Eleusis

“MT: I think (*shudder*) I can explain the blue ducklings. Okay — see the color of Homer’s shirt? That’s right. He’s the father. This … explains … so much.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

“The Bum Boat’s decor looks like a hurricane blew a strip-mall Red Lobster all the way back to 1977, where it crashed directly into some dentist’s waiting room. So basically, I can’t think of a better place for Drew to sit and watch his dad mack on Mary Worth while moaning about losing both Dawn and Vera in the space of a single afternoon.” –Trilobite

Also! Faithful reader Godzooky offers this vision: Cassandra Cat takes Manhattan! Or, slightly more accurately, his Cassandra Cat mug takes its place within view of the Manhattan Bridge.

More Bob Weber, Jr.-designed Cassandra Cat items are available from the Comics Curmudgeon store, including, God help me, thongs. I’ve only received pics of mugs and babies so far, so I’m definitely looking for some visions of Curmudgeon readers in some of the clothing that they’ve purchased! But not the thongs. Please, God, not the thongs.

And hey! What week would be complete without a little love for our advertisers?

• Sister Mary Dracula: Writer-artist (and faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader) Gerry Mooney is exposing the truth and ripping the lid off Catholic school education for big laffs! He wants you to know his target is neither Catholics or nuns if it will get you to buy his comic book. Chapter One of a 100-page graphic novel that will be finished eventually.
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Judge Parker, 9/30/07

Oh, man, water! The sinister plot being machinated by the sinister Mr. Caesar is all about control of the world’s water sources! Sure, you may be saying “This is even more boring than I thought it would be,” but I’m hoping that Mr. Caesar has in his employ a bevy of environmental scientists who have given him an inside track on the coming total collapse of the globe’s water supply. In just a few months, the world of Judge Parker will be reduced to a Mad Max-esque desert hellscape, with roaming bands of angry refugees battling over the precious remaining water and gasoline deposits — and Caesar, with his enormous water storage facility with all its pipes and tubes and such, will be the most powerful warlord of them all. Sam will be wishing he’d sold his shares then!

Fun fact: The Wall Street Journal is one of the few major newspapers whose Website is available only for subscribers. Which means that Sophie, wealthy meganerd that she is, is paying for access. At least she’s not paying some guy in India to read it for her.

Curtis, 9/30/07

I know the joke here is supposed to be that old standby “Curtis is irritating”, and surely he gets off on some unfortunate tangents, but his idea is actually fundamentally sound, and is almost certainly being put into effect by any number of tech-savvy churches with younger congregations. Certainly Rev. Caldwell could probably get a better sense of how to attract young people to his church by asking actual young people, rather than sending memos to the deacon board, which is no doubt dominated by social-climbing middle-aged types like Mrs. Dunlap.

To be fair, Curtis’s suggestions for video entertainment need to be taken with a grain of salt.

Blondie, 9/30/07

“Wanna hear something else funny? Now that you’ve broken your neck and are either dead or permanently paralyzed, I don’t have to return any of the tools I’ve borrowed from you!”

Family Circus, 9/30/07

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Grandma is worried that Jeffy is retarded. What’s funny is that Jeffy apparently has the same concerns about Grandma.

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, Dr. Jeff is getting into dangerous territory…

Panel from Mary Worth, 9/30/07

Don’t ask about “the bum boat special” unless you really want to know, Drew.

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Curtis, 9/29/07

I’ve perversely pleased that Curtis has chosen to take on a topic so very rarely tackled in the comics: that moment in a young man’s life when his raging hormones completely overwhelm his capacity to act in a socially appropriate fashion. In Curtis’ case, he’s taken to “watching” (just watching, sure) degrading reality quasiporn right before dinner time. It’s nothing to be proud of, but we’ve all been there, right fellas? (And probably the ladies too, though I’ll let them speak for themselves.) Anyway, part of every person’s self-pleasuring education involves learning the whens and wheres, and Curtis is quickly finding out that where should probably not be “in the bedroom that you share with your brother in what is probably a none-too-large apartment” and when should definitely not be “in the early evening, when your family is in the next room and could wander in at any moment.” Patience and cunning are required while you still live at home, Curtis. You don’t want to be too obvious about it in such close proximity to your mom, lest you enter Francis territory.

If “family matters” is my new favorite euphemism for sex, then “the ‘times’” is clearly my new favorite euphemism for puberty. And I do wonder if Curtis has finally gotten his hands on the fabled “syrup chapter.”

Gil Thorp, 9/30/07

The Mudlarks have started the season 0-2 behind quarterback Tony Casey’s consistently dismal play. Some might say that he just doesn’t have the talent, but I think he’s a bit distracted … distracted by left guard Howard Gourwitz and his wholesome, aw-shucks good looks! While Tony’s the quarterback, in the aftermath of Milford’s defeat it’s Howard who’s making passes. Tony might be disappointed to “forget the Bucket”, at least this week, but I’ll be he’s looking forward to finding out exactly what act of delightful perversity “empty your mom’s fridge” might be code for.

While this romantic drama is going on the foreground, I have to wonder about football player number three in the second panel, who can’t seem to get his helmet off. Did a particularly powerful hit jam it onto his skull so tightly that he’ll be forced to wear it around school indefinitely? Meanwhile, after the inevitable disorienting jump cut, we get the promise of more vandalism-based hijinks to come. Backwards black hat dude is a master of the school-rivalry prank; he’s had a long time to acquire that mastery, since he appears to be 35 or so.

Momma, 9/29/07

It probably shouldn’t come as a surprise that Momma plans to go out like a monarch from ancient Egypt or Sumer. When she dies, her faithful servants will kill and entomb her children with her in her enormous ziggurat so they can wait on her hand and foot in the afterlife. Good God, that smile on her sleeping face creeps the hell out of me.

Archie, 9/29/07

You can when you spend as much time huffing paint as you do, Archie!

Man, the nameless guy at the bottom center of the second panel is the saddest dude in the world. There’s someone who actually cares about his test scores and his academic future. Archie is just idly musing on his incipient dementia to pass the time until he sees something shiny.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/29/07

Yeah, and the younger one kind of looks like he’s on fire. That could explain the odor.

Pluggers, 9/29/07

A plugger’s erectile dysfunction is kind of besides the point, since the rest of his body is in such an advanced state of decay that attempting any kind of sexual encounter would be excruciatingly painful. Plus nobody really wants to have sex with him anyway.