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Crankshaft, 10/9/11

Lucy McKenzie died in a nursing home in 2009, demented and unaware that her jealous vicious harpy sister Lillian had stolen and concealed a letter from her beau Eugene proposing marriage just before he shipped out for WWII. Lucy came back this year to haunt Lillian into taking her to the ruins of the Wisteria Ballroom so she could hook up again with Eugene, as we see here. Aww.

But hey waitaminute. If Lucy and Eugene are both dead, why not just hook up on the Other Side and save Lucy the busfare back? To hear Eugene, it’s pretty damn sweet over there, what with the eternal flowers ‘n’ stuff. And as far as we know, Eugene’s not dead — we saw him in one of those then-and-now flashbacky things back in March, taking flowers to Lucy’s grave. So as long as Lucy’s in the neighborhood, why doesn’t she drop by Eugene’s for a quick haunt-and-cuddle instead of wasting time on this sepia imposter?

Comics are hard.

Sally Forth, 10/9/11

Panel-four Ted embraces the Dark Side, or makes his lucha libre début. You never know with this guy.

Six Chix, 10/9/11

Pluggers: Origins

Slylock Fox (panel), 10/9/11

Weirdly and his accomplice have been using their transporter to loot marijuana dispensaries. That is one stoned monkey.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 10/8/11

Wow, Margo’s standards of work would shame a junkie — her grand reopening for the Mills Gallery boiled down to cadging a favor from an ex-client and putting up a sign. And while her “Art without Rules” gimmick must have seemed clever at first — no standards, can’t fail, right? — now Queen Bee’s anarchists are tagging up the joint, trashing all the work Trey conned out of his partners, and returning the Mills to its roots as a crack house.

But just like last year’s Great Hypothetical Piano Delivery, we don’t actually get to see any of the alleged “Art without Rules” — just a couple of mopes talking about it. “Tell, don’t show” — it’s like a rule or something.

Archie, 10/8/11

Wow, Fred’s getting more enjoyment from that newspaper than anybody has for 40 years. You can bet he’s not reading Archie.

Judge Parker, 10/8/11

Wow, check out CIApril Bower in panel 3 there. Seems like only yesterday she was Randy’s timid, dumpy secretary, fending off his ham-handed advances over chewy takeout sushi. Now a willowy oenophile and multilingual Lady of Mystery, she jets to global hotspots under World Bank cover from her stylish country home. Here, standing amidst the obscene symbols of the Spencer-Drivers’ good fortune, she recalls the moment it all changed for her, too. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Touched by a Parker!

The Phantom, 10/8/11

So yeah wow, El Guerrero Latino, the good lucha libre wrestler who beat nasty cheatin’ ol’ El Bucanero Infernal is in fact Police Chief Ernesto Salinas, who mysteriously bailed on Kit right before the match. This will come as a revelation to absolutely no one but the Chief’s son Emiliano, Ciudad Jardin’s slower version of Rusty Trail.

There’s a lot of pumped-up mystery about how very much depended on the match, and an uncommon amount of attention paid to Ernesto’s training partner Victor Batalla and his son Vincente, so watch for some hero-on-the-inside father-and-son stuff down the road. But for now, what if Chief Salinas has been gaming the Ghost Who Walks all along, and this is the payoff: “OK, ‘Walker’, now that you know my secret identity, how about telling me yours? It’s the way we do things here in México, my friend. You know — like men!”

Hey everybody, I’m sitting in this week while Josh takes a vacation. Contact me about site trouble, spam, comment issues, etc. at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net. Thanks!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Family Circus, 3/14/11

Ill-content with his future as a sullen dick, Billy aspires to be a sullen ignorant dick. Live the dream, Billy!

Baby Blues, 3/14/11

Uh-oh — looks like Hammie’s been bitten by a radioactive spider. Lot of that going around. Can’t wait for the musical!

Marvin, 3/14/11

Marvin, perfected. You folks can stop now.

Judge Parker, 3/14/11

Marketing executive — of course. Alan’s Blackberry® also brings news that his two-week Wonder Novel has received a Pulitzer Prize, and Sam’s been appointed Attorney General and Papal Nuncio. Judge Parker pumps its characters so full of gas it’s like watching Ally McBeal staged by Macy’s parade balloons.

Dick Tracy, 3/14/11

Whoa — what the hell is that thing growing out of Dick’s left wrist? And are we headed for four months of “It’s morning out there”/”I’m gonna call you, Tracy”? Time will tell.

Hey, I’m outta here! Josh will return on Monday with your COTW, and chew back into the comics on Tuesday. It’s been a fun week — thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy