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Baby Blues, 11/28/18

Civilization’s bargain: Women comfort; men keep the bugs away. Step up, Darryl.

Judge Parker, 11/28/18

Abby — a woman — longs to comfort her wounded child, but manly Sam has conditions, to make sure that Neddy’s mood is within permissible bounds, that her return is properly motivated, and that she won’t inconvenience him in any way. Let’s listen in:

“OK, Sam, it’s time for The Talk again — pull up there by the gate. See what it says up there, in bronze on granite? ‘Spencer Farms’ — Spencer. I’m wealthy; Neddy and Sophie have their own inheritances, what have you got? Shut up, I’ll tell you — you’ve got the leftover from the shoe deal with Jules because of Neddy, the commissions on the factory deal with Rocky because of Neddy, and the profit on selling the bus to Hank because of Neddy. You’re at least enough of a lawyer to understand how our prenup works, and how you got your clothing allowance, your Pinot stash, and this stupid car. So go back to your “office” over the stable, do your “work,” and stay the hell out of my way: I’m going to go take care of my daughter.”

Hi and Lois, 11/28/18

Before Hi and Lois changed artists, a horizontal line and two dots meant “bedroom eyes”; now it means something like “I am being sly,” and they’re using it a lot more. Kinda creeps me out, children having all that sex on the sly.

Luann, 11/28/18

It’s been five years since Josh announced his break from Luann, and despite a relapse or two it falls to me to see that this popular hateread gets the coverage it deserves. It’s a tough gig — how do you cover developments in a strip with the core principle “Nothing must ever happen?”

One way is to play stupid “what if” games. My favorite is, “What if all the designated villains were designated heros, and vice versa?” Gunther as a passive-aggressive weasel trying to sneak his way into Luann’s pants is a gimme, and Ma Gunther as his manipulative older double trying to sneak her way into Mr. Grey’s wallet isn’t much harder. Leslie (“It’s Les“) Knox is more of a challenge: I see him as the tough-but-fair drill sergeant trying to shape Gunther into something that will pass for a man. Sort of a “TJ and Brad” thing.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Six Chix, 11/27/18

Mama Bear finds proof her husband dallied with an elegant bejewelled she-bear in her own bed. Not the right time for a visit, Goldilocks.

Dustin, 11/27/18

Sometimes it’s fun to figure out how cartoonists arrive at the language that winds up on the page. Like maybe they started with “The past is prologue” but realized a prologue just sets the stage for what follows without determining it? And didn’t realize that “The past is predicate” means essentially the same thing, but in a logical rather than a narrative context? Or think “predicate” means “predictive”?

Sometimes it’s no fun at all.

Mark Trail, 11/27/18

“What’s that you say? Education? Book-learning? I’LL BEAT THOSE BRAINS RIGHT OUT OF HIM!”

Mary Worth, 11/27/18

Am I really going to chronicle every petty indignity visited on Mary by her one-eyed demon cat?

Oh, you bet I am!

Bizarro, 11/27/18

Hey lady, if you want to offload one of those cats, I know where there’s a vacancy coming up real soon.

— Uncle Lumpy

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— Uncle Lumpy