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Blondie, 5/5/16

In Chilean Spanish, a “nuco” is a nocturnal bird, like an owl. So for Mexico’s Cinco de Mayo celebration, Dag’s diner is serving up grilled Chilean owl. I would’ve gone with the sea bass.

Six Chix, 5/5/16

Somehow the passive aggression just makes the bossiness worse.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/5/16

Hutch was firstborn, for sure.

Pluggers, 5/5/16

Pluggers send their grandkids homemade porn.

Wizard of Id, 5/5/16

Yes, like the Wiz is exhausting that adorable little fart in the last panel there.

Dick Tracy, 5/5/16

Oh boy, Dick Tracy’s police state is tattooing prisoners now.

In the current thread among so, so, many, goat-goateed Notta Fallar framed Tracy by releasing a video of herself making out with Putty Puss disguised as Tracy. Bluenose Mayor Armstrong suspended him, so he called in a favor from pal Oliver Warbucks, who hired lawyer Mr. Kleen to press Tracy’s case. I was certain Mr. Kleen was going to be an intentionally ironic name for any lawyer who works in Dick Tracy (like Law and Order’s Judge Softon Crime), but nooo – he’s just some guy with a Purell® jones and apparently, a real aversion to legal work.

Zits, 5/5/16

Jeremy Duncan used to have a serious case of the hots for his guidance counselor. Farewell to adolescence, I guess. Who knows what comes next? Not him!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Sally Forth, 5/4/16

In this up-to-the-minute retelling of The Producers, Ted acknowledges his unique talent for failure and conspires with Hilary to throw the season. But where will they find wealthy backers and dancing Nazis? I like the way this is shaping up.

Gil Thorp, 5/4/16

Diminutive second baseman Barry Bader follows his dad’s advice, “Never give an inch,” by arguing with everybody from Coach Kaz to fellow infielder Ken Brown here, about everything. Dad, industrial solvents salesman Del Bader, needs some arguments of his own to convince Center City Judge Lisa “Hang ’em” Hiatt, nemesis of the inebriated motorist, to let him walk despite blowing twice the legal limit into a Breathalyzer during a traffic stop (Psst … “It was the solvents, Your Honor – alcohol is one of them!”).

Phantom, 5/4/16

Looks like second-string terrorist Eric “The Nomad” Sahara is financing Dumat’s plot to destabilize Baronkhan and dethrone Prince Rex King, who should be dethroned and pantsed just for walking around with that name.

– Uncle Lumpy

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Do you ever get the impression comic strip creators aren’t always meticulous about consistency and continuity? I do! Let’s see why:

Crankshaft, 5/3/16

Remember how elated Jeff was about neighbor Lillian naming her bookstore on Sunday? Well, turns out that was just a short while after his mother Rose suffered an episode of syncope that even today has him moping around the home where he spent his miserable childhood. He takes a break from self-pity to enjoy himself on weekends? Lack of commitment — sad!

Anyway, we’re lucky Ed wasn’t around to say, “I guess it’s syncope or swimcope for Rose now!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/3/16 (panel)

Hey, it’s adorable gifted artist Sarah Morgan and half of her Dad!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/30/16 (panel)

And here she is last Saturday — last night in strip time. Does she want to see the damn house or not? Is the strip’s author confused? Is Sarah? Knowing the character, these flip-flops are probably part of whatever con she’s running.

Mary Worth 5/3/16

Hey, it’s beloved secondary character Wilbur Weston, Dawn’s Dad! Check out his uniquely neglectful parenting style: “Dawn, is this older man you’re spending all your time with trying to use his influence and position of authority to take advantage of you in some way? No? Okay, welp, grub’s getting cold GLOM GLORP SMACK.”

Always four hairs, all across the years — somebody’s showing commitment to the project! The intern who draws Crankshaft’s blackheads could take a lesson.

Luann 5/3/16

But for a truly neglectful relationship, consider the one between Josh and Luann: he has sworn a terrible oath to ignore the strip entirely, so these periodic updates fall to me. Hey, it’s the job.

Leslie (“It’s Les!”) Knox is a bully because he ignored Knute’s order not to enter a men’s bathroom Crystal was using, moments after Knute himself left it, and despite the fact that guys hanging out while girls pee is totally a thing here. Anyway, Knute attempted to choke Les as he walked in, but Les knocked him down, presumably did his business, and left. Got that? Les is the bully.

In an amazing feat of circumstance, he is also the nephew of Mr. Gray, who is both the taciturn and possibly mobbed-up former Las Vegas club manager who saved Luann’s parents’ nightclub and the lethargic swain of Gunther’s Mom. Small world. So Gray is calling in a favor from Luann’s parents by having them hire Les to work at the in-club restaurant TJ manages.

TJ is probably just checking his calendar there to show us that Les is compounding his bullyhood with tardiness. But I prefer to think the gang took Les to the vet to have him chipped, and that TJ is checking his BullyTrax® app.

– Uncle Lumpy