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Family Circus, 10/9/10

Thanks to the many faithful readers who took time out of their busy weekends to email me the great news that millions of dollars are going to be spent creating a Family Circus movie. (The comments on that story I linked to are actually pretty great, my favorites being “Hell yeah! This means The Lockhorns can’t be far behind! Team Loretta!” and “Who asked for this? Ida Know. Who wants to see it? Not me.”) Apparently the strip is already moving into the edgier subject matter that Hollywood demands, with Dolly coming to the conclusion that her only way out of the Keane Kompound is as a child bride.

Crankshaft, 10/9/10

If the endless “Pam and Jeff reminisce about the violence Crankshaft has done to the English language” strips had to end — and, really, they could have kept at it for as long as comic strips continue to exist as a medium, as far as I’m concerned — then this is a pretty good way to wrap it up. Our two protagonists, having briefly rediscovered the emotion that normal humans call “happiness,” cringe in terror as they realize that Crankshaft’s soul, having been rejected by both God and Satan, has returned to his mortal form.

Beetle Bailey, 10/9/10

Honestly, there really ought to be someone employed at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC whose sole job is to pose this question before the day’s Beetle Bailey is sent to papers. “Is this somebody’s idea of a joke? I mean, would any of our readers recognize this is a joke, or something resembling a joke? We are still doing strips with jokes in them, right?”

Mary Worth, 10/9/10

“Some people at the hospital use another word for her! Or, wait, ‘war criminal’ is really two words, isn’t it?”

Adrian sure is setting Mary up to hate and fear this “outspoken” “type A” lady. One can only imagine what sort of terrible description of Mary she’s been giving to Jill. I’m starting to guess that she’s doing the meddling biddy equivalent of putting a couple of bugs in a jar and shaking it up.

Spider-Man, 10/9/10

“Oh, right, because I’m a terrible actress. God, this play is going to flop! The boos will be deafening!”

Apartment 3-G, 10/9/10

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT: Six to eight weeks worth of plotlines in which Tommie is not deemed interesting enough to appear.

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My Cage, 10/6/10

Have I ever mentioned in this space that My Cage has been cancelled by King Features? Well, if I haven’t, My Cage is being cancelled by King Features, which is too bad because (a) I like it and (b) it’s not a 70-year-old strip being churned out by the grandsons of the strip creator. Anyway, the strip is spending its last month in newspapers in a cloud of meta, and since I’m a sucker for attention, I’m happy to repost this installment, which name-checks my site and an insult given herein. Cathy was able to attend the awards ceremony at the last minute since she now has no other commitments, but she ought to know that a strap-on duckbill does not a fursuit make.

Crock, 10/6/10

Dear creators of Crock: Despite the fact that the two concepts are often discussed in similar contexts, there is a difference between “camouflage” and “body armor”! Nevertheless, I hope the confusion in this strip arises from your confusing these two things, because otherwise it is nothing but a howling pit of gibbering madness.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/6/10

It should come as a surprise to no one that Hootin’ Holler’s one law-enforcement official is thoroughly corrupt, but the extremely paltry sum with which the locals can buy justice is a shocking commentary on the depths of the community’s economic despair.

Pluggers, 10/6/10

I don’t know which premise here I find less believable: that pluggers, whose lives are notoriously empty and meaningless, might be in a hurry to get somewhere, or that pluggers would even bother going to a restaurant whose very name implies that they’ll be forced to use a fork with their meal.

Apartment 3-G, 10/6/10

Who wants to see Margo ruin a perfectly nice wedding with her terrible behavior, just so nobody ever asks her to be a bridesmaid again? Me! Me! I want to see Margo ruin a perfectly nice wedding with her terrible behavior, just so nobody ever asks her to be a bridesmaid again!

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Apartment 3-G, 10/5/10

Oh, Lu Ann, never try to open up and have some personal sharing time with the master of emotional jujitsu. “I had feelings for Jack.” “Yes, he flirted with me too.” Ha ha, see how that went? Margo never got all handsy with Jack, oh no. Sorry your little feelings got hurt, though, Lu Ann! Margo sympathizes in an abstract way, but does not understand these “feelings” of which you speak.

Gil Thorp, 10/5/10

“Ease up!” Everyone knows that in Gil Thorp these two words are the prelude to hilarious violence. And indeed the person being admonished to so ease himself is last football season’s protagonist, simmering rage case/teen alcoholic Duncan Daley, so things seem to be going exactly as planned.

Spider-Man, 10/5/10

Peter’s sullen expression in panel three is priceless. “Aww, here we go, a big guilt trip about how we never schlep out to Queens to hang out with this old bag. I knew we should have scalped the extra ticket!”

Pluggers, 10/5/10

Does Pluggers have a long list of “pluggers go to the bathroom a lot” jokes to get maximum milage out of the template for this drawing? Apparently!

Marvin, 10/5/10

Ha ha, it’s funny because even the dog is repulsed by the smell of Marvin’s feces!