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Archive: Archie

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Sadly, the strip might actually be too old for a Pauly Shore joke

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Slylock Fox, 11/8/12


How much do I love this creepy Six Differences scene? A lot! A lot is how much I love it! I particularly love the contrast in facial expressions — the cake-hog is sporting a manic grin, as if he’s incredibly happy that this wedding’s serve-yourself policy has allowed him to get a big enough piece of cake to meet his needs, at long last. Meanwhile, everyone else there (except the children, too young to understand) are staring at his retreating back with numb horror, and, I assume, in icy silence. Social norms have been violated so egregiously that it’s hard to know what might come next, but I think it’s safe to say that the prominent placement of that terrifyingly large knife is no accident.

Archie, 11/8/12

So I guess we can now peg the date of these Archie reruns to the fall of 1991, since that was when the first crew entered Biosphere 2 and probably was the last time anyone bothered to make any kind of joke about it, unless you count jokes about the 1996 Pauly Shore vehicle Bio-Dome, which, frankly, I don’t. (NEVER FORGET that the Biosphere thingie in Arizona was “Biosphere 2,” a reference to Biosphere 1, which was of course our Earth.) But more important is Mr. Lodge’s expression of implacable evil in the final panel. One would think that a man willing to scurry into an artificially sealed environment just to get away from his daughter’s ne’er-do-well boyfriend would be feeling more sheepish than sinister. Thus, we must assume that Mr. Lodge wants to enter Biosphere 2 not to escape Archie, but to escape the deadly poison gas his scientists have developed that will soon kill Archie and, as a regrettable but unavoidable side effect, all other human life.

Dick Tracy, 11/8/12

Oh, Dick Tracy! Are you trying to win my heart by having a desperate, injured criminal start eating pain patches so he can make one last desperate run at the cops who are closing in on him? Because it’s working pretty well!

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Maybe more of a smirk than a grin? Either way: Horror

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Archie, 11/4/12

So my expectations for comic strip attention to detail are low enough that I actually felt compelled to mentally double-check the math here to make sure that it adds up. Which it does! I suppose you’d expect proper accounting from an enterprise that is meticulous about not infringing on Kellogg’s® Pop-Tart® branding identity without permission.

Luann, 11/4/12

Sorry, I know I should be grappling with the gross “marriage is an endless series of point-scoring exercises in which menfolk attempt to minimize work and maximize sexual benefits” message of today’s strip, but I’m far too grossed out on a much more visceral level by Brad’s grinning offer to vacate himself and his sister from the premises so his parents can have sex as loudly as they want.

Crankshaft, 11/4/12

Say, let’s check in to make sure that everyone in the Funkyverse still engages in desperate, anxious magical thinking in order to stave off the ever-looming spectre of death. Yep, all systems are still go!

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An Irish tragedy

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Gil Thorp, 11/3/12

Boring as the current Gil Thorp storyline has been, it at least has kept me guessing. Mostly those guesses have been along the lines of “OK, now it’s going to be about something other than Terry Gallagher becoming a manufactured Milford celebrity more or less on the whims of two other ill-defined random dudes, right? How about … now? Or, now? Nope, still about that, huh.” But also I’m confused as to how the plot’s going to end, though I think today’s strip seems to set things up for the traditional narrative of hubris followed by destruction. How else are we to interpret the final panel of today’s strip, in which Terry is paraded about the stadium like a Celtic God in the back of a chariot, one of his women at his side (oh, he’s making out with multiple girls, FYI), receiving the fist-pumping adulation of thousands? Oh, it’s going to turn ugly for Terry Gallagher. Ugly indeed. (Just kidding, probably he’s going to just get yelled at by his makeout partners and Milford won’t make the playdowns and he’ll smile and say something wry.)

Dick Tracy, 11/3/12

Dick Tracy has been lighter on the graphic, brutal violence since the reboot, but it still has its high points! I like the fact that the little arrow-box, a classic Dick Tracy device, is being used to make sure you realize that yes, that ash-like material Sparkle Plenty scooped out from under the flames in the stove is in fact hot ash, and that right now Measles’ already scarred flesh is being horribly burned. We’ve actually seen Gertie sneaking up on him with an ax for the last couple days, so at least the exact form of horrible pain Measles is suffering has come as surprise!

Archie, 11/3/12

Ha ha, that Mr. Lodge sure does get mad at Archie! Who knows whether it’s because he’s poor or he’s ginger or he wants to touch Veronica’s lady parts or he’s just kind of a jackass, but whatever the case, we now know that Mr. Lodge thinks of Archie as a mere object, a subhuman “it,” to be destroyed without a second thought when the time is right. Enjoy your next visit to stately Lodge Manor, Archie! It will be your last.