Archive: Archie

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Having had a sudden fit of boredom with being mean, I’ve decided to try to be nice today.

Archie, 1/24/08

I like Archie’s scarf! I would actually wear that design in real life. Plus the way it hangs on him looks pretty realistic!

Curtis, 1/24/08

I like the casual way Curtis flicks his coat across the room. At first it kind of looks like a hospital gown or something, with the seam up the back! But no, that’s just because the momentum made the sleeves bend backwards. Again, good realism!

Judger Parker, 1/24/08

I like Sam’s facial expression in the third panel. “Lawyer I don’t have to pay … ka-ching … lawyer whose picture I can put into advertisements with accompanying copy that reads ‘USE OUR LEGAL SERVICES OR THIS LEGLESS VET WILL STARVE’ … ka-ching …”

Mary Worth, 1/24/08

I like that Drew seems to be hilariously interpreting the cutting-edge catchphrase “talk to the hand” literally in panel one. I like that Drew seems to believe that the key to true emotional commitment is to have one partner take care of all the intimate talk for both people in the relationship. I like the bright orange donuts, or bagels, or whatever, sitting in the display case a regulation two inches apart…

…I don’t think I’ve really gotten the hang of this “being nice” thing.

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Apartment 3-G, 1/9/08

Say what you will about Cousin Blaze’s ludicrous yet omnipresent cowboy outfits, but at least they make it possible to differentiate him from every other same-general-age-as-the-A3G-girls-whatever-that’s-supposed-to-be-exactly dude in the strip. Despite the fact that Blaze is identified in the first panel narration box, the comic is so dependent on the western wear to mark him out out that here we get his casual indoor cowboy look — no hat or jacket, but still the shirt and bolo tie, plus hair that looks like he was wearing a cowboy hat mere moments ago. I love the little arrow things on his shirt; I know it’s a feeble attempt to represent cowboy stylings, but in panel three in particular it looks like it’s just pointing at his bolo tie, as if to say, “Can you believe he’s wearing this thing? I know!

Archie, 1/9/08

I suppose I should be bothered by the entire headache-inducing ill-drawn cubist nightmare in the third panel of this strip, but it’s Archie, so I can’t get too worked up. For some reason I can’t really stop thinking about the guitar, though. Why is it there? Is it Archie’s? Did he bring it over to serenade Veronica, to accompany the presentation of his tiny and oddly nonspecified gift, and then just lose interest when he was distracted by the Car Channel? And what’s all that stuff around the guitar neck — broken and tangled guitar strings, or a plant of some sort growing directly out of the wall of stately Lodge Manor?

Mark Trail, 1/9/08

[Cue the sitcom-style mute horn]: Wanh wanh waaaaaannnnnnhhhh

I mean, I’m glad and all that wacky radiology lab mixups are saving people’s lives rather than cruelly snuffing them out as in Funky Winkerbean, but come the hell on. It would be one thing if Luke Wilson’s X-rays had been mixed up with those of, say, Hollywood actor Luke Wilson, but do doctors really take a casual look at X-rays and say, “Whoops, looks like he isn’t terminal after all. Ha ha! I guess I was looking at it upside down! I don’t even think that’s a tumor — it’s probably his hypothalamus or some other whatsit. Maybe I should call him, right after I get back from golf.”

Family Circus, 1/9/08

Notice that in mom’s little fantasy, Billy is the only one praying. Is it because she believes that the Keane Kompound is the last bastion of piety in a fallen world of secular humanism? Or does she just know that Billy’s the dumbest kid in his class?

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For Better Or For Worse and They’ll Do It Every Time, 12/18/07

Just to show how deeply the FOOB hooks have sunk into all of our hearts, I’d like to confess that, like several commentors, I was doing the math in my head yesterday when April said that there’d be 14 guests at the Christmas Patterbash. Who would the extra two be? Today we learn that they’ll be Deanna’s parents, which I am quite frankly very pleased about. Deanna’s mother may be awful and hateful, but there will be nobody for that hate to be focused on except her in-laws, and that can only be a good thing. Her constant harping and barely passive aggression should up the chance of someone getting punched in the face, and I’m going to need to hold on to that possibility if I’m going to make it through this.

Deanna may be pleased now about how much help she’ll be getting from her guests in the food prep department, but today’s TDIET holds a clue to her inevitable post-party future. The glassy-eyed Deanna-bot will no doubt be grimly polishing the dishes long into the evening, as Mike teaches the kids how to break things, or, more likely, hides in his attic office, staring at the computer screen and indulging in an inner monologue in which self-doubt provides a thin veneer for self-aggrandizing.

(Bonus Scadutoism: “Reunionite.”)

Apartment 3-G, 12/18/07

Directions Eric could be going with this:

  • “Look, Margo, it’s been fun having sex with you and all, but this is pretty much where I start making excuses for not seeing you.”
  • “It’s just that … having seen the horror of my parents’ marriage … I just don’t know if I can ever truly … commit myself …” (Note: May be cover story for previous bullet point.)
  • “Oh, you’re from a dysfunctional family too? And have never learned to express feelings in any kind of healthy way either? Well, we’re perfect for each other then!”
  • “Margo, what I’m trying to say is that you remind me of my mother. And my mother is fucking terrifying.”

Curtis, 12/18/07

Despite my Curmudgeonly status, I must give props to even those corny jokes that give me little guffaws of joy, and the image that Curtis offers today — of snowflakes that are really tiny elf turds — definitely did that. I might feel differently the next time it snows and I’m unable to get the image out of my head. I also like the way Curtis is rooting around the branches of the Christmas tree, looking for anything even remotely edible to cram down his insatiable gullet.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/18/07

Dear Funky Winkerbean:

Ahem.

A “SOLO CAR DATE” IS NOT A REAL THING THAT ANYONE ACTUALLY SAYS. REPEATING IT OVER AND OVER WILL NOT MAKE IT A REAL THING THAT ANYONE ACTUALLY SAYS.

I thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
The Comics Curmudgeon

Archie, 12/18/07

“To be honest, though, I think a lot of people are just stopping by his booth to stare at his crotch.”