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Mary Worth, 8/17/17

Dawn is too young to legally drink alcohol, of course, but it’s nice of this fancy restaurant to pour her Diet Coke into a wine glass for her, to help her feel like a big girl. She’s adulting!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/17/17

I feel like a lot of people have seen the distinctive costumes from the The Handmaid’s Tale in posters and commercials and such and absorbed it as a pop cultural artifact without actually having watched the show or read the book, and, like … do you think they know it’s about state-sanctioned ceremonial rape, or what.

Beetle Bailey, 8/17/17

Today’s Beetle Bailey seems pretty strange if you take it literally, what with the awesome power and responsibility held by a general staff officer in the U.S. military, but it begins to make a lot more sense if you imagine that “this job” refers to, oh, just to take a profession totally at random, cartooning.

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Mary Worth, 8/3/17

“As a mere medical assistant, you are not authorized to question the sexual behavior of doctors! And as Dr. Fletcher’s current sexual target, his status has accrued to me! Now return to your duties and cease making eye contact with me at once!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/3/17

“Oh, right, we saw those pills in your purse last night so we dropped him off at Child Protective Services while you were asleep. We’re the Morgans — we know what’s right for everybody!”

Spider-Man, 8/3/17

Mole-Man, having already easily defeated Spider-Man by hitting him in the thigh with a stick, is under no illusions about how much protection he can offer.

Beetle Bailey, 8/3/17

“Gosh, it makes me mad that so many people seem to view the U.S. military as the enforcement arm of an acquisitive, hegemonic imperial state rather than as a noble and purely defensive institution! At least I know there’s one unquestioningly pro-military pop culture franchise out there: Beetle Bailey. Now to take a big sip of coffee and read today’s strip.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/1/17

OK, fine, I’m still not gonna dwell on the time-jump details, but here, here’s what Jeff and Pam and Max from Crankshaft look like ten years into their future, in Funky Winkerbean. Mostly I’m featuring today’s strip because it looks like, after a decade of pouring his youth and his passion into running the Valentine, Max might finally go out of business and be forced into an uncertain job market, only to have his dad say “Gee, that’s a shame! This is where I saw my favorite movie as a kid!”

Beetle Bailey, 8/1/17

Ha ha, yes, it’s definitely funny when a disgruntled army NCO, raging against the rules that restrain his behavior, pulls his sidearm and threatens to “fight bureaucracy!” The best-case scenario here is an awful on-base spree shooting; the worst is that Orville Snorkel emulates Liberia’s Samuel Doe, becoming the second sergeant in world history to lead a successful coup.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/1/17

Grampy’s deflection of the parson’s obvious come-on is as charming as it is subtle.

The Lockhorns, 8/1/17

Leroy … is drunk here, right? Very drunk at 8:30 am and heading to the office?

Family Circus, 8/1/17

“Then I said, ‘That’s some inspiring shit, mom, but if you don’t buy me that costume I’m gonna have a meltdown right here in Party City the likes of which you’ve never seen.’”