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Mark Trail, 4/4/11

Remember a few years ago when Mark’s friend Dan faked his own death by drowning and Mark, thinking he was witnessing a tragedy, begged his friend to “COME ON, DAN. COME TO THE SURFACE!” I’m reminded of that in today’s strip, as Mark orders this plane into the air. Never mind the fact that this particular drug-running aircraft has taken off from exactly this runaway dozens of times; Mark seems to feel that only he can coax it airborne. I was going to say that Mark apparently believes that he can lift things or people with his mind, but then I realized that Mark, who speaks aloud every thought he’s ever had, doesn’t really understand the distinction between an inner self and an outer world well enough to really grasp the concept of a “mind” in the first place. I actually think that Mark believes he can lift things or people by shouting at them.

Spider-Man, 4/4/11

“Well, gee, I thought I was fighting him just moments ago, but if he and the woman who loves him say that I wasn’t, I must be wrong! I mean, what motivation do they have to lie about it?”

Beetle Bailey, 4/4/11

Sarge needs Beetle active and productive, and if that means getting him back on the meth, then so be it.

Apartment 3-G, 4/4/11

She wasn’t quite subtle enough this morning, but one of these days, Margo’s going to trick Tommie into coming out.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/4/11

Rex Morgan is still very focused on its increasingly uninteresting lottery drama, but that doesn’t mean it can’t liven things up with a mustachioed man cramming an entire hamburger down his throat in one gulp.

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Curtis, 3/29/11

Greg, I’d be less concerned with the “con man” label, which after all sounds sort of quaint and roguish, and more with the implications of the pitchfork. Since there isn’t a lot of conceptual overlap between con men and farmers, I have to assume that Diane is suggesting that Greg’s father/grandfather/whoever is an actual demon, from hell. Is she worried about his presence in her innocent son’s dreams? Is he attempting to cross over into he real world, Freddy Krueger-style?

Marmaduke, 3/29/11

Speaking of demons from hell, we’ve finally discovered something that even Marmaduke is afraid of: the Wham-O Corporation’s trademark lawyers. I don’t know what’s sadder: the thought there are teams of lawyers paid to read the comics to make sure they don’t tread upon anybody’s trademarks, or that the Marmaduke artist might scrupulously add the appropriate symbol to registered trademarks unprompted.

Beetle Bailey, 3/29/11

Two weeks ago, General Halftrack slipped off to the woods to quietly kill himself. Today, in a very special Beetle Bailey, Beetle finds the body.

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Hey, all before we start today’s comics, I thought I’d do something I don’t usually do: draw your attention to a non-comics blog. Longtime faithful reader and commentor ChattyGenes is an American who’s lived in Japan for many years, and she’s been chronicling the experience there in the wake of the recent earthquake and tsunami on her blog. Very interesting and moving reading on a place that is in all of our thoughts right now!

And now, on to lighter fare:

Gil Thorp, 3/23/11

So the Gil Thorp gay cyber-bullying story is wrapping up (short version: the cyber-bully was Parker, Kayla’s ex-boyfriend, who was mad because Lini told Kayla to break up with him, but then the pious Christian basketball player who actually really likes Lini threatened Parker with physical violence during basketball practice if he didn’t stop) without ever having explicitly said that Lini is gay! Which means that we can have fun imagining what he was really being bullied for. Might I suggest that it was due to his actually quite atrocious taste in clothing? Take today, for instance, where he appears to have come to school dressed in an actual tuxedo! And not the cool kind of tuxedo that modern movie stars might wear to the Oscars, but rather one that might have been worn to a high-school prom, circa 1992, complete with boutonniere. Could the never-revealed hate Website have consisted of pictures of Lini’s latest crimes against sartorial aesthetics, coupled with cruel, Mr. Blackwell-esque commentary? “Hey, everybody, looks like Lini got an after-school job at the blackjack table!”

Still, Lini deserves our sympathy, as he’s managing to stay chipper despite the fact that, as you can see in panel one, his right arm has been lopped off above the elbow. I’m a little curious about whose fingers those are creeping into the frame at the lower left. Maybe they’re Lini’s! “Oh, Lini, we found your arm! If you pack it in ice, it’ll probably keep for a bit, so the school nurse could reattach it during your study hall this afternoon.”

Beetle Bailey, 3/23/11

I know that trying to figure out what’s going on in any given half-assed Beetle Bailey gag is waste of everybody’s time, but God damn it, I just want it to make sense, you know? General Halftrack’s caveman outfit dramatizes budget cutbacks … how, exactly? Is he saying that cost-cutting reduces the Army to primitive weaponry? Is this stone-age toga meant to be the equivalent of the barrel of poverty, and the club just came with the costume? Who even knows? At least I can enjoy the General’s sheepish, plaintive expression — it’s as if he’s realized how stupid and pointless this stunt is, but it’s too late to back out of it now. I dearly hope the strip artist wore the same expression as he put the finishing touches on this.

Luann, 3/23/11

Aw, isn’t that cute! Mrs. Horner thinks Luann has a soul!