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Slylock Fox, 6/22/09

Generally speaking I feel the members of Slylock Fox’s rogues gallery are unjustly persecuted by the snoopy vulpine detective. Slylock’s pursuit of Cassandra obviously goes much deeper than his ostensible law-enforcement goals; Reeky Rat‘s only crime is dreaming bigger than his low place on the social totem pole would allow; even Slick Smitty deserves our sympathy as the lone human in a nightmarish world of talking animals.

But Shady Shrew … well, even when the evidence against him is thin, it’s hard to work up a lot of sympathy for him, because he’s obviously a creepy loser. His schemes aren’t executed with any panache or style, let alone competence. Take today’s strip, for instance. Doesn’t insurance fraud seem kind of pedestrian and degrading when compared to the thefts and mad science perpetrated in this feature? This is even less creative than his moon rock scam. And the wrong-way bending of the guardrail indicates a lack of attention to detail that makes whole sordid episode not even sporting. Slylock, presumably disgusted, has no doubt pulled out his magnifying glass so as to beat the shrew about the head and neck with it until the uniformed officers arrive.

Beetle Bailey, 6/22/09

I’m sure we could all have lots of fun coming up with homoerotic interpretations of the dialogue here, but that would distract us from the real issue, which is: what the hell is the deal with Sarge’s right hand. I guess his thumb is supposed to be tucked inside his clenched fingers, but really, who makes a fist like that? And honestly, it looks less like “thumb is tucked inside clenched fingers” and more like “no thumb at all and fat, rubbery tentacles curled up at the end of his palm.” It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Apartment 3-G, 6/22/09

I’m sorry, what if Margo is right about everything? Margo should punish you for even thinking that she might be wrong about anything, ever, but the universe will obviously exact a terrible vengeance on you for your act of heretical Margo-doubt in short order, Nora.

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Mark Trail, 6/19/09

Who has the greatest hair in Mark Trail history? This guy! Panel two offers us a close-up of its jellied texture, but I’m more intrigued by panels one and three, in which the backflap appears to be hanging stiffly down the back of the skull, presumably attached by some sort of hinge mechanism to the top panel. When it comes time for punching, we’re apparently going to learn that it isn’t just facial hair Mark hates; it’s abnormal hair of all stripes.

Gil Thorp, 6/19/09

Wow, I never thought I’d be pleased to see Jeff “The ’Czak” Ponczak and Matt the Hatt and their stupid public access show, and I certainly never thought I’d be pleased to see them mostly naked, but I have to admit that panel three is something of a breath of fresh air. It’s not as good as Gil urging a parent to sue his employers in panel two, but it’s pretty close.

Beetle Bailey, 6/19/09

When General Halftrack finally decides to end it all, he’s not going out alone. The folks who work in his office can only pray that when he reaches that moment of despair, his fingers will be so palsied from drink that he’ll lack the fine motor control skills necessary to pull out the pin.

Marmaduke, 6/19/09

Vasectomy?

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Gil Thorp, 6/6/09

It’s nice to see, with all the YouTubes and the Facebooks and the cardboard bikinis and the hey hey that the kids today will throw at an old stick-in-the-mud like Gil, he still knows how best to keep them in line: with good, old-fashioned physical abuse. Those who won’t die of heat stroke will surely grow to respect their tormentor, if by “respect” we mean “fear and loathe!” But, as Machiavelli once said, it’s better to be feared than loved, and they’ll sure love to fear Coach Thorp, as he and Kaz sit smugly by and enjoy their “lemonade” (is that a thermos or a fire extinguisher?).

Beetle Bailey, 6/6/09

Ha ha, it’s funny because Sarge spent a week walking around with rotting vegetables pressed up against the sweaty flesh of his midriff! And by “funny” I mean “a cry for help on the part of everyone involved in the publication of this comic.”