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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/1/19

Parson Tuttle is, of course, a fraud who’s completely unsuited for providing spiritual guidance, but in this case he’s given Loweezy some solid advice that she seems to have missed. As a materialist, Tuttle knows that one’s happiness is tied directly to one’s material conditions, as he clearly states in the throwaway panels. Snuffy’s innards are full of nothing but rotten potatoes, cheap corn likker, and whatever chickens he can steal; there’s no way he can change his attitude just by force of will alone.

Between Friends, 12/1/19

I can’t decide if creating a spoof version of the Serenity Prayer — which is widely used within and identified with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step recovery programs — in which the narrator deals with their problems by getting blotto on a bottle of wine is wildly inappropriate or actually very, very on point.

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Six Chix, 8/23/19

Dear Lady: Cat no ask be pet. You make cat pet! Cat is cat: leave cat be.

Between Friends, 8/23/19

The clerk hasn’t found a job that values her creative writing degree, but she hasn’t lost her gift for concise metaphor, either.

Mary Worth, 8/23/19

“Dear Glum Gina — Yes, I read Mary Worth, too. Don’t get your hopes up.”

Family Circus, 8/23/19

“Someday,” Jeffy says, “someday the strip will be mine, and I’ll show the world how it really was back then, growing up. How he was, sitting in the back seat across from me, counting the cars as we passed and yammering on about every … damn … one. And then again in the restaurant, unspooling those endless hours of drivel in reverse, car by car. Back then I couldn’t do anything more than turn my head to shut him out. But someday the strip will be mine. I’ll show them all, and everyone will know.”

— Uncle Lumpy

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Curtis, 7/10/18

Curtis and Barry discover Michelle’s camgirl site with Zoom stuck at 400%.

Between Friends, 7/10/18

Obsessive neurotic Susan has vague memories of her former life.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/10/18

NARRATOR VOICE: “Their book was never nominated.”

Also, dearie, it’s called a “spit take,” not a “nod take” — you sip the coffee first; you don’t stick your damn nose in it. Any self-respecting Eisner nominee would know this.

Judge Parker, 7/10/18

Abbey has willed a gallows into existence in Sam’s office. Tread lightly, Sam!

Mary Worth, 7/10/18

Tommy has discovered the one person in Santa Royale who’s more of an emotional wreck than he is. I hear wedding bells!

Sally Forth, 7/10/18

Girl fight Girl fight GIRL FIGHT!!!

OK, that’s the actual joke; I just couldn’t help myself.

— Uncle Lumpy