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Blondie, 10/3/26

I know you can’t expect dreams to make actual narrative sense, but I think it’s OK to expect dreams that someone wrote and put into a linear storytelling form like a comic strip to make at least a certain degree of narrative sense. Like, in the first panel, I assumed this was going to be a classic boomer gripe about the kids today and their pumpkin spice lattes, which our heroic police are going to put an end to once and for all. But this cop handing Blondie a giant bag of pumpkin spice profits in the second panel certainly complicates things! I also find it upsetting that the anthropomorphic muffin vanishes between these two moments. Presumably the officer took it out back, murdered it with his prominently displayed gun, and then extracted its valuable spice content to reward Blondie for snitching.

Beetle Bailey, 10/3/26

Here’s a sentence I’ve never written or even thought before: I find the facial expressions in the second panel of today’s Beetle Bailey genuinely haunting. They aren’t looking on in lurid pleasure at the sex and violence on screen as you might expect: they look somber and deeply emotionally affected by what they’re watching. Yet the warning still drew them to the TV, like moths to a flame.

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Judge Parker, 9/29/26

I haven’t really talked about it much because it’s been super boring, but April and Randy have been having marital problems of the icy silence variety since they got back to Cavelton, maybe because longtime partners sometimes grow apart over time, maybe because Randy had to stand there while April violently killed a guy who wasn’t immediately threatening them right in front of him, who can say. Anyway, due to [gestures vaguely] this whole thing, Charlotte isn’t living with April, and April as mentioned isn’t really spending much time interacting with Randy, and she doesn’t have a “job” as near as I can tell, so I do have to wonder a little bit about why she’s running late here. Maybe she ducked out in the morning just to horribly knife-murder somebody, just to feel something, and it took longer than she expected?

Blondie, 9/29/26

Faithful readers know that Blondie is the most pure uncut boomer mindset comic in the game right now, and I think the list in panel two, which lumps together “ways in which you hold kids in contempt because of their relationship to the phones or whatever” and “ways in which you think rules that kids did not create are proof that kids are wimps,” is a prime example. Also, has it ever been mentioned before that Alexander is on the school football team? I’m not an Athletics Knower necessarily but his physique makes me think that most of his organs are gonna get pulped the very first time he’s tackled, bubble wrap or no.

Mary Worth, 9/29/26

“Could it be … no! Mary would never want to go anywhere fun like Hawaii! Mary only ever wants to go to one restaurant here, in the town where she lives, and it isn’t any good!”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/29/26

Big news, everyone: Mother Goose, who has a boyfriend but is still chasing after men, is officially the first non-Archie polyamorous comic strip character! #herstory #representationmatters

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Blondie, 9/26/26

I very much accidentally read Blondie’s dialogue in panel one as “that restaurant we swore we’d never go back to” and, you know what: Mama Chowabunga Manicotti Mansion would absolutely be on a list of restaurants to never go back to. Honestly it feels like it should be at the top of a list of restaurants never to go to in the first place. They took “cowabunga,” first coined as a fake Native American word for the Howdy Doody show, and turned it into a fake Italian word, in a move that could get groups that usually fight with each other about recognizing Columbus Day to unite against a common enemy, which I honestly think is kind of beautiful, but I wouldn’t eat there.

Mary Worth, 9/26/26

I know it would never happen, but the absolute funniest denouement of this storyline would be if after weeks of gossip Toby was like “Ian and Mary? I don’t think so” and it’s just never addressed again and there’s a new plot on Monday. Are they or aren’t they? None of our business, frankly! Toby doesn’t think so and that’s good enough for me!