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Mary Worth, 5/30/21

Remembrer, folks: if you’re an attractive older woman who’s hit it off with an age-appropriate man you meet online, that man is definitely a fake account set up to catfish you. And if you’re a charming bald middle-aged American and you’re romanced by a statuesque Colombian beauty, it’s 100% certain you’re being sex-grifted. And if you’re a handsome young doctor with a reasonably high-profile Instagram and you fall into a hot fling with a sexy young waitress? Well, you’d better believe you’re about to have your watch stolen. Sorry, Drew, that’s just what you get for allowing yourself to feel sexual arousal! Why can’t you be more like your dad and Mary, who barely spend any time together, or Toby and Ian, who absolutely can’t stand one another?

Crankshaft, 5/30/21

In today’s Crankshaft, the title character spends the entire strip writhing wordlessly in pain. Yes, his daughter feels a need to step in and take on the family wordplay duties, but please don’t let that distract you from this strip’s central pleasure.

Family Circus, 5/30/21

Wow, looks like the Keane tradition of having adult men in the family is over, huh? That’s all in the past. The future is just weird, ugly little kids as far as the eye can see.

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Crankshaft, 5/9/21

“He says that right before someone burns down a building for the insurance money. Happens more often than you’d think! Anyway, that disinfectant is flammable, right?”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/9/21

YES

FINALLY

GRIMM IS GOING DOWN FOR HIS CRIMES

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/9/21

STOP TRYING TO TRICK US INTO THINKING ANYONE WOULD BE EXCITED ABOUT TALKING TO BUCK, REX MORGAN, M.D.

ABSOLUTELY NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO BUCK

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Judge Parker, 5/8/21

You ever spend like 15 minutes of your day staring at a comic strip character’s ear? Zooming in on the image file while yelling “Enhance! ENHANCE!” at nobody in particular? No? You haven’t? That’s just me, a guy who started a comics blog on a lark in 2004 and this is my life now? Well, anyway, I’ve spent some time looking in April’s right ear, and it certainly doesn’t look like she’s wearing an earpiece, and you’d think that she would’ve lost access to any truly invisible gee-whiz tech when she parted company with the CIA. Maybe she’s just doing the “putting her finger to her ear so she can listen to her earpiece better” thing to impress Randy? Or maybe she’s just using her spy instincts and I’m misinterpreting it. “Twinge in my knee? That means a rainstorm’s brewing. Twinge in my jaw? That means they’re coming.”

Crankshaft, 5/8/21

You ever open the comics page and get the distant echo of a joke that probably seemed extremely topical and funny a year ago, when it was written? That’s gonna be the experience of reading the Funkyverse strips for the next who knows how long!