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The Lockhorns, 3/4/21

Man, I genuinely want to know what Leroy is up to on social media. Like, I started writing that sentence as a bit, but now I’m imagining all sorts of possibilities. Is he posting an ill-informed comment on his favorite sports blog? Letting loose a terrible political opinion on Twitter? Going through the entire Instagram feed of a statuesque blonde he met at a party and liking each of her selfies one by one? Uploading a compilation of Loretta’s funniest nags to TikTok? You can tell by his facial expression that he’s extremely pleased with himself, so you know it’s pretty bad.

Crankshaft, 3/4/21

Ha ha, turns out “church organist drops dead mid-service” wasn’t just a funny joke I made earlier this week but a real plot development in a newspaper comic strip, an artistic medium for children (?). Anyway, say what you will about Crankshaft, but unlike certain Funkyverse strips, it’s not sentimental about the dead, you know? That lady’s body isn’t even cold and they’re already browbeating Lillian into being her replacement!

Funky Winkerbean, 3/4/21

LADY NONE OF THESE REFERENCES ARE PARTICULARLY OBSCURE, PLUS HE’S SAYING THE ACTUAL TITLES AND EVERYTHING

LIKE WHAT DO YOU THINK “GETTING” A REFERENCE MEANS

KNOCK IT OFF

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Funky Winkerbean, 3/2/21

Oh, boy, it looks like the early coronavirus pandemic echoes in Funkyverse strips that were probably written a year ago have reached the mothership, everybody! It’s funny that Crankshaft used the opportunity to do some zany jokes about hand sanitizer and whatnot, whereas in Funky Winkerbean itself the key question is “How can we make this global pandemic, which is particularly dangerous to the immunocompromised, all about Les — specifically, how can we show that Les is the real hero in Lisa’s cancer story, and is also unpleasantly neurotic?”

Crankshaft, 3/2/21

Meanwhile, Crankshaft is just riffing on headlines like “How a superspreader at choir practice sickened 52 people with COVID-19” with bits like “Wouldn’t it be funny if in the middle of a choral performance, the old lady playing the organ just straight-up dropped dead? Right there in church? In front of everybody?”

Mary Worth, 3/2/21

Look, it’s all fun and games to claim, without evidence, that your dog is a “champion tracker” when you never go hunting and there are no real stakes to it, especially when your dog is a tiny dachsund with a comically large snout! How much tracking does anyone’s pet dog do on a regular basis, anyway? Hardly none, right? But just know that if you say this sort of thing enough, you might eventually be called upon to render actual tracking services, and that can get real awkward real fast.

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Family Circus, 2/28/21

I think I speak for literally everyone when I say that I assumed that the Keane household was a strictly G-rated content zone, so I’m as surprised as you are to see Jeffy being menaced by some fairly terrifying characters in his dreamscape today. I’m particularly intrigued by his little smile as he imagines the alien from Alien, slobbering acid all over the place. Does Jeffy dream of his little egg-shaped body becoming a real egg for something monstrous, something that will burst out his soft, tiny form and tear his whole family to pieces — especially his hated sister? We need only look to the finale image for answers.

Crankshaft, 2/28/21

As metaphors for general brain fuzziness go, I thought “desperately running up and down a flight of stairs to stave off a flood” was pretty grim, but that was before I got to “sinister ‘big government’ will DENY YOU ACCESS TO YOUR OWN MIND,” so, yikes.

Mary Worth, 2/28/21

Saul, Eve … I hate to break this to you, but … Greta has literally no idea what is going on. She’s not looking for Max at all. 100% of what is going through her tiny purebred mind right now is “WHEEEEEEEEEE”