Post Content

Click the banner to help sponsor Josh’s novel and to reserve your copy! Details here.

If you’ve always loved my blog, but want it in novel form, and also (mostly) not making fun of comics but rather with a plot, then please consider sponsoring my novel!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/10/12

I’m putting both yesterday and today’s Snuffy Smith up there to demonstrate that they’re both basically the same joke, which … I’m OK with? There’s something charmingly vaudevillian about having Parson Tuttle continuously lob the same opening to Lureen and seeing her bat “I’m so lonely and desp’rate!” punchlines back to him. Maybe they’ll keep it up all week! Or maybe tomorrow the Parson will stop hinting and just come out and say that he wants her to recruit men for the choir by going out and having sex with them.

Apartment 3-G, 7/10/12

Haha, will I ever get tired of Nina suffering and turning her physical pain and rage on anyone who gets too close? No, the answer is no. “You’d better be telling the truth! I know medical professionals lie to patients constantly. I know you’re a dirty liar! If you make me get into this awkward position and it doesn’t help, I will destroy you, Tommie, do you hear? I have connections! I’ll get your apartment building condemned and your nursing license taken away and have everyone in your family killed! Then I’ll strangle you, but I wanted to do that other stuff first to show that I’m in earnest here. And I’ll do it all using the rage-strength I gain during a single contraction!”

Funky Winkerbean, 7/10/12

Is Funky Winkerbean really going to make us worry about whether this kitten dies on the way up, or possibly down, Kilimanjaro? All signs point to yes! To be fair, the readership is wholly indifferent about the death of any the human characters, so dramatic tension has to be maintained somehow.

Crock, 7/10/12

So wait, Crock‘s done now, right? These are repeats? Enh, whatever, it keeps showing up in my online comics page, so I guess if I can rag on Archie reruns from the 1990s I can make fun of this. Anyway, today’s strip is about Trooper Benson, who was hit by artillery shells during combat and died screaming in agony.

Ziggy, 7/10/12

Despite all of the foregoing, nothing in today’s comics has discombobulated me more than discovering that Ziggy’s cat is a lady.

Post Content

OK, well, now I feel kind of bad about my feud with Crock, if such a thing can properly ever have been said to exist, because it appears that Crock is closing up shop, and for … actually pretty heartfelt reasons. Strip creator Bill Rechin died last year, and, in that bizarre tradition that applies to the newspaper comics world and no other industry in America, his son Kevin took over the strip. Except that working on his father’s strip, instead of making him feel closer to his father as it might for others in his position, made him feel the loss all the more keenly. So instead of continuing, he’s closing it down; the last Crock strip will run on May 20. I want to offer my condolences to Mr. Rechin, and I hope he finds some peace from the move.

Anyway, now it is time for your COTW!

“No, no Rusty, the drug guys aren’t in jail. They’re still tied up to that tree where we left them. Have you ever dealt with the federal government? No, they won’t be in jail for two or three weeks, assuming they survive that long.” –cheech wizard

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Dying in childbirth? Honey, what decade do you come from? Update that subscription to W magazine, sister! It’s all about surviving childbirth so you can micromanage your child’s life these days!” –C. Sandy Cyst

“It all makes sense now. Every edition of Crock is addressed to one specific person and/or grudge, and is a complete mystery to everybody else.” –lorne

“Congratulations if you just googled ‘ABORBS’ to figure out if it was a real world. We’re equally idiotic!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Today on Reruns of Archie: that memorable storyline when the cast was turned into a swarm of buzzing bees! Here we see them abandoned by their queen and left to wander, bereft of purpose! Tomorrow: Jughead attempts to sting Coach Cleats!” –Black Drazon

“Look at the grin on Crankshaft’s granddaughter’s face, one of the biggest and most genuine in the history of the Funkyverse, as she gleefully and grattuitously forces him do something he really, really hates.” –Nekrotzar

“Miss Grundy’s all like, ‘Hey, you kids! Turn off those dildos!'” –Doctor Handsome

“The Riverdale ever-buzzing hive mind has been chastised by Miss Grundy, and for a moment, its seven lobes share a flickering of guilt. It leaves the building, lockstep, in unison, unhappiness creasing its seven brows. Then, the node of id, the Jughead, resumes its customary disdainful smirk. Soon, each unit mirrors it, and spoken simultaneously from seven mouths is the final decision: The fall of man.” –bunivasal

“That bus is perhaps the single greatest thing I’ve seen yet in Gil Thorp. I hope we’re treated to more storyline transitions inspired by the clip art options available in Microsoft Word 97.” –sporknpork

“I like that really shitty-looking ponytails are now an acceptable hairstyle for brides.” –Vulvarine

“There is no one on the other end of the phone. Mark is desperate to get out of the long-promised fishing trip with Rusty, so he is pretending to have an incoming call, and shouting to make sure Rusty will hear him from the next room. ‘WHAT? YOU SAY YOUR FATHER IS ACCUSED OF MURDER! AND THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT ONLY MARK TRAIL CAN HELP? BUT I PROMISED RUSTY I WOULD TAKE HIM FISHING! WHAT? THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT I HAVE TO COME THERE RIGHT NOW, OR HE WILL INVADE IRAN? I CAN’T HAVE THAT ON MY CONSCIENCE! RUSTY WILL UNDERSTAND … WON’T HE?” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“How can that lawman resist giving up all the answers? Mark has totally thrashed him in their ‘leaning furthest forward whilst exclaiming’ competition!” –Adam

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Robert Dugoni: Murder One: Grisham and Scott Turow fans should add Dugoni to their list of must-reads. Buy it now for just $1.99!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Crock, 5/6/12

OH SNAP I JUST GOT TOTALLY BURNED! It may have taken six years, but the good people over at Crock have finally noticed that they’re in a feud with me, and have responded appropriately. While the idea that I began my blog as the result of some kind of massive traumatic brain injury would explain a lot of things, the jokes on them: I never had any artistic talent in the first place, suckers!

Of course, if you aren’t me or part of the fairly small slice of the comics-reading public who also reads my blog, this strip would make exactly zero sense to you. Just another Sunday Crock, in other words.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/6/12

That lovingly rendered next-to-last panel sure isn’t going to change the minds of anyone who thinks that the creators of Rex Morgan, M.D., have some kind of sick nostril fetish.

Apartment 3-G, 5/6/12

“So my suspicions are correct: Nina is an eternally undead vampire! At last, a worthy adversary!”