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Mary Worth, 1/28/19

Monday is starting with BIG MARY WORTH NEWS, everybody: it turns out that Professor Ian Cameron will not just give you a good grade even if you don’t do your assignments, no matter how vigorously you wink at him. With that out of the way, we can now begin to explore the fact that he’s been ignoring his wife for entirely non-affair-related reasons, probably because he just doesn’t like her very much.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/28/19

Hmm, now I’m beginning to lean away from my longstanding “Hootin’ Holler is an extremely impoverished community that’s geographically, economically, and culturally isolated from mainstream American life” theory and pivoting to “Hootin’ Holler is a deliberately anachronistic intentional community/compound, much like the titular setting of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village.’

Dennis the Menace, 1/28/19

Dennis Mitchell only received the nickname “the Menace” during his trial for crimes against humanity, when the results of his awful genetic experiments came to light, but there were signs of what was to come from a very early stage in his life.

Family Circus, 1/28/19

Ha ha, kids sure say the darndest things in Munchausen syndrome by proxy situations!

Sam and Silo, 1/28/19

I admit that I’m still having a hard time trying to figure out what Sam and Silo’s deal is, even in terms of its cultural situation, by which I mean: what are the things outside of itself, in the larger cultural universe, that it references? Today we have name-checked the most famous political crisis in American history and … a 2006 cheating scandal in international test cricket? Never change, Sam and Silo, you delightfully unplaceably weird strip!

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Pardon My Planet, 1/19/19

Pardon My Planet is a strip (panel?) I’ve added to my rotation in the new year, and honestly I can’t really tell if it’s supposed to be a Far Side-esque series of out-of-context gags that happens to only have three or four character models, or if I’m supposed to be recognizing these people as distinct characters with persistent personalities and such. Either way, though, today’s panel, which implies a rapid descent into body horror as this haunted-eyes dude tries escalating techniques for transforming his anatomy in impossible ways, represents a sharp turn that I am very much here for.

Dennis the Menace, 1/19/19

God damn it, is it possible to be less menacing than adorably comforting your dad with a lovable teddy bear??? The only way I can accept this is if I imagine Dennis as being extremely sarcastic. “Here, dad … mom says you’re havin’ a rough day and whining like a little baby, so here’s a stuffed animal, like a baby would want. Fuckin’ baby.”

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Judge Parker, 12/20/18

I love how absolutely blasé Judge Parker Senior is about this whole scenario while Katherine freaks out. “Now, I know stealthily breaking into people’s homes and leaving expensive and no doubt extremely illegally obtained diamonds as a vaguely menacing gift is an very on-brand move for Norton, but Sam’s contact at the CIA said he was killed. When has the CIA ever lied to anybody? No, this must be from some other Norton. Maybe the anti-virus people? Do we get these with our subscription?”

Mary Worth, 12/20/18

Just to remind you, King Lear features, among other things, vicious intrafamily dynamics, betrayal, murder, a character’s eyes being gouged out on stage, poisoning, suicide — just bad business all around. But apparently hearing Ian describing it all is enough to get this lady horned up. Sure, STEM classes are more “practical” or whatever, but you don’t get this level of arousal from taking mechanical engineering, folks!

Dennis the Menace, 12/20/18

Mr. Wilson’s facial expression here is an unusual one that I would describe as “cruel triumph.” “Egads! This whole time, all I had to do to tame this monster was placate him with a series of cheap trinkets? Finally, I shall be able to bend his menacing to my own designs!”