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Funky Winkerbean, 10/7/16

Haha, wait, so Frankie, Darrin’s terrible bio-dad who raped Lisa when they were teens and returned to Westview to peddle some reality show only to be driven away by everyone’s righteous indignation, now works for DMZ, a gossip website so non-notorious that its employees have to keep reminding each other what it is? And now he’s going to ruin Cindy and Mason’s relationship by posting out-of-context photos of Mason and his comely young co-star? Sure, why not! There are only a limited number of truly bad people in the Funkyverse, so they have to work hard at doing all the bad things needed to keep everyone unhappy.

Spider-Man, 10/7/16

“Here he is. Tied up and immobile, right in front of you. I didn’t move him there in the middle of that sentence or anything. I wasn’t even standing in front of him. It’s … pretty weird you didn’t notice him before I pointed him out to you?”

Blondie, 10/7/16

The only thing Dagwood likes more than micromanaging his daughter’s sexuality is getting a sweet deal on an awesome high-end car.

Dennis the Menace, 10/7/16

Dennis recognizes that school’s real purpose is not to educate citizens, but to serve as a model of the regulated social order in which they’ll be embedded their whole lives. He’s truly menacing … to the established power structure!

Lockhorns, 10/7/16

Suddenly aware of capitalism’s enervating effects on wage slaves like her husband, Loretta will now take her place as the sarcastic, heavy-lidded Marianne of the new revolution.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/7/16

♬ It’s a montage ♬ a document-signing montage ♬ you gotta love a montage ♬ this process would’ve taken six to eight weeks worth of comics if we didn’t do a montage ♬

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Beetle Bailey, 9/24/16

Gotta respect the decision to have the characters completely commit emotionally here. In a strip where people are generally pretty blasé about horrific violence, General Halftrack seems genuinely terrified that he’s about to die.

Hi and Lois, 9/24/16

“They’re gonna cut off his thumbs! They’ll probably say something you like ‘Did you think this was a fuckin’ GAME’ right before they do it, too.”

Dennis the Menace, 9/24/16

Trotting out tired jokes a weatherman has heard over and over again? Not particularly menacing. Casually invading his personal space and resting your hand on his knee while you do it? Extremely menacing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/24/16

HEY, HEY WERE YOU WORRIED THAT THE REX MORGAN, M.D., DISCUSSION OF THE ETHICS OF PATIENT-NURSE FLIRTING MIGHT NOT GO ON FOR EIGHT FULL DAYS?

WELL

GOOD NEWS

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Curtis, 9/3/16

If, like me, you have read Curtis for years and thought, every time Curtis and Barry fight over space in their shared bed, “Why don’t they get bunk beds?”, then good news: this week, they finally got bunk beds! This set off a predictable dispute over who should get to sleep in which bunk, which concludes today with Curtis’s chilling vision of his brother grimly planning to wet the bed and soak Curtis with urine. Normally the fact that the daily colorists seem to do their work without even bothering to figure out what exactly is going on in the strip bums me out, but I’m glad that today they failed to render the spreading piss-pool in panel three in lifelike yellow, and I don’t care if this is due to neglect or disgust.

Dennis the Menace, 9/3/16

Who is this red-headed child? Why has Dennis lured him over for conversation? Is it to fill his head with the most tired and banal gender-relations stereotypes? If so, that’s solid menacing. If this kid is the child of the couple getting married, that takes it to the next level.