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For Better Or For Worse, 10/11/06

Is there anything grosser than Anthony harkening back to one of his and Liz’s furtive almost-certainly-didn’t-get-to-second-base teenage make-out sessions as Liz describes what it felt like being overwhelmed by the flood of memories of her near-rape? Well, maybe it’s the fact that just before said flood of memories arrive, we get that patented icky FBOFW close-up, where an ostensibly pretty girl looks like she’s been daubed with layers of makeup in preparation for a mall-studio glamor photo. Anyway, to summarize: Ew.

Dennis the Menace, 10/11/06

The first thing that entered my mind upon reading this strip, as I’m sure was true for all of you as well, was the immortal quatrain that concluded Ice Cube’s 1993 classic, “It Was A Good Day”:

Drunk as hell but no throwin up
Half way home and my pager still blowin up
Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day

Ah, Dennis, so many opportunities for adventure your beeper opens up to you! All of which involve drugs. Because pretty much everyone other than drug dealers has gone in for cell phones now. Cell phones, Dennis the Menace scribes. Take a note. They’re like these little phones that you can take around with you wherever you go. Been pretty omnipresent since the late ’90s or so. No, no need to thank me.

As Dennis continues to be less and less menacing, his constant companion and foil has been consistently portrayed as even feebler in order to leave the impression that Dennis still has something of an edge. Has poor Joey ever looked readier for the short bus than he does here today?

Mark Trail, 10/11/06

People say that Jack Elrod can’t draw people very well. I say that never has the majestic American mullet been portrayed with the attention to detail and depth of feeling on display here.

I’m deeply intrigued by the suspense built up by the nonspecificity of “Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, let’s do it!” Here’s my idea for the missing fourth panel: Molly is wearing an adorable bonnet and drinking tea out of a tiny cup, sitting at an itty-bitty table with a bunch of stuffed animals, all of whom also have teacups in front of them. Orange Shirt and Mullet Head stand nearby, taking pictures for their novelty Web site and squealing in girlish delight.

Mary Worth, 10/11/06

Sometimes in a strip you see the gears begin to shift and new directions begin to open up, and you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to go down the new trails that are about to be forged. So if you’re wondering if I’ll still love Mary Worth if it becomes less about Mary meddling in the lives of others and more about Ian saying wildly inappropriate things sotto voce in delicate situations, the answer is: Yes. Yes I will.

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For Better Or For Worse, 8/30/06

Never has the flabby make-it-up-as-you-go-along nature of the Foobian plot been on display as nakedly as it is here. I mean: How far away is Liz’s apartment from her parents’ house that she would considering moving back there to shave a little off her commute? And she’s been back down south for, what, three months now? Don’t they have leases in Canada, or are Pattersons just allowed to break them with impunity? And doesn’t Ellie have any say over whether her totally adult and self-sufficient daughter decides to up and move back in, or is she just going to go on with the passive “It’ll happen if it happens” attitude? These are questions that I want answered. In return, I’ll answer April’s question about why Liz wouldn’t want to move back home: it’s because she’s, like, 26, and living at home when you’re 26 and have a job is for looooooosers.

Dennis the Menace, 8/30/06

Speaking of losers, Dennis is continuing his trend of eschewing menacing, preferring instead to hone his floral-themed dinner-table bon mots. It actually took me about 45 seconds to grasp the “bud”-“blossom” wordplay going on here, and I finally only got the joke because of the presence of the rose on the dinner table, which I assume was intentional. Note to cartoonists: If you need to put in a visual aid to forward the cause of a pun in your comic, your pun needs work.

Slylock Fox, 8/30/06

Apparently it’s terrified prey week in Slylock Fox. As if the terrified beaver wasn’t traumatizing enough, check out the discarded ribcage, presumably of one of his family members, next to the crocodile on dry land. Today’s scene of the savagery of nature provides a backdrop for a true/false quiz. “True or False: Sometimes things that are cute and basically good die in agony for so that something more powerful and vicious can survive. (Answer: So very true!)”

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Mary Worth, 8/22/06

So the truth is revealed! Aldo isn’t a murderer — he’s just a sad, neglectful drunk. At least the booze might go a little way towards explaining his otherwise inexplicable lust for Mary.

Mark Trail, 8/22-3/06

So now we know what heartless mustachioed fiend is set to menace lovable Molly the bear: this bee-loving cad! Normally, his obsession with his insect friends would make him an animal lover and thus a good guy in the world of Mark Trail, but his senseless chicken-kicking in panel two of today’s strip indicates that his apiphilia has driven him so deranged that he would do anything — even senselessly murder a lovable, kissy-faced trained bear — to protect his precious, precious hives. Clearly, he needs a good solid Trailian punch to the jaw to set him straight.

I like the fact that our omniscient narrator lets us know that Molly doesn’t know what to do for more probably-dead Buck. What do you want from her? She’s not a trained medical professional. Also, she’s a GODDAMNED BEAR.

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/06

Dennis: Growing less menacing by the day.