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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/26/21

“Say,” you’re almost certainly wondering, “What’s going on with Rex Morgan’s True Tales Of The Newly Diabetic Lifestyle?” What’s going on is that Mindy made a diabetic-friendly breakfast of delicious frittatas and Buck has declared that he will never, ever deviate from the program again. So everything’s fine! Everyone’s happy and well adjusted! So happy and well adjusted that Mindy completely bites the head off of her stepson for making an extremely mild joke about diabetes. Welp, I guess there’s no underlying emotional issues at play here and we can move on to whatever storyline is next in this strip! Enjoy your healthy frittatas, everyone.

Marvin, 2/26/21

I have zero interest in engaging in the actual content of this strip, but I do want to say that Jeff staring heavy-lidded at his laptop, numb to the world around him, as if hypnotized by the steady tap-tap-tap of his own fingers on the keys, is something that I find distressingly relatable.

Dennis the Menace, 2/26/21

Look how pleased Alice looks! Dennis has finally mastered the concept of metaphors, which means she and Henry can finally talk shit about their friends in front of him without him unknowingly repeating their shit-talk and making social encounters awkward! Unless … he’s known how metaphors work all this time, and is actually just an asshole? More on this story as it develops.

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Dennis the Menace, 2/21/21

After a solid year of ignoring the coronavirus pandemic and muddling through in its mostly ’50s nostalgia world, Dennis the Menace has decided to abruptly leap into current events with both feet. How would Mr. Wilson — an elderly man whose human contact comes almost entirely from his wife, who he tolerates, and the neighbor kid, who he despises — deal with the isolating effects of social distancing? Well, it turns out the answer is “great.” Not so great for Dennis’s parents, obviously! There’s a reason they let him wander unsupervised through the neighborhood, after all.

Judge Parker, 2/21/21

It’s no secret that Judge Parker has gotten significantly less zany in the post-Woody Wilson era. That’s why I’m very excited about it taking a sharp turn into a new chapter, and that new chapter is: Godiva Danube: Ghost Sexpot!

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Dick Tracy, 2/18/21

I just kind of assumed that, as a high-ranking detective in the Major Crimes Unit, Dick Tracy was, if not living on easy street, then at least financially comfortable. But today we learn that he’s so short of cash that he’s been reduced to using leftover Chinese food for gambling purposes, and thinks a single dollar bill represents “pay dirt.” Truly sad that those snitches in Internal Affairs say you’re not allowed to put stuff from the evidence locker up for auction on the dark web anymore!

Six Chix, 2/18/21

I … guess this is a riff on the “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” bit in the beloved 1996 Adam Sandler film Happy Gilmore? Except that cats really do eat fish, and it isn’t gross at all or embarrassing for the cat say that? I suppose if Six Chix were going to do a strip where the entire joke was substituting the word “fish” for the word “shit” because they sound vaguely alike, they could’ve made it a lot more disgusting than this, so let’s count our blessings.

Dennis the Menace, 2/18/21

Dennis has a plan for rising sea levels in the wake of melting ice caps, everyone: he’s gonna climb this tree! It’s not a plan with a lot of thought towards next steps or long term consequences, but it is a plan nevertheless.