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Slylock Fox, 8/1/16

There’s a huge missed opportunity here in that the strip doesn’t provide us with the name of this completely adorable pig band! Some suggestions:

• Pig Floyd
• The Piggles
• Pig Direction
• Radioham
• One Pigrection
• Taylor Ham Swift
• Carlos Pigtana ft. Pig Thomas

Anyway, Sly and Max’s facial expressions here are 100% great. They thought they were down with that hip new music that the kids like, but it turns out that they very much are not.

Dick Tracy, 8/1/16

Speaking of the stuff the kids like, our crime-fighting squares in Dick Tracy are taking a casual video call with Dethany, an adorable goth, and seem to be having an OK time with it! Rikki Mortis is named “Rikki Mortis” and is in a relationship with “Abner Kadaver,” a guy who sleeps in a coffin and looks like a skeleton and has done a bunch of murders, so I don’t know where Dethany gets off on her gother-than-thou attitude here.

Spider-Man, 8/1/16

“Like bugs on a bagel” sounds like a phrase that someone would come up with if they had to make up a New York City catchphrase on very short notice and had never actually visited New York City. “Uh, what do they have in New York, uh, uh … bagels! They love bagels over there. And everything’s infested with vermin, right?”

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Mary Worth, 7/19/16

Guys. Guys. Guys. We’ve been waiting a long time for post-jail Tommy to reach the amazing heights he achieved twelve years ago, in his first appearance in the strip. Back then, of course he was trying to sell drugs, and only dabbled in smoking some low-grade “whatever” occasionally, but now the drugger will become the druggee. I am sincerely thrilled to watch his rapid downward spiral into addiction, which begins as he, like all pill-crazed maniacs, flings the precious, precious caplets into his mouth all at once from eight inches away.

Dick Tracy, 7/19/16

I’m not an expert on the long history of Dick Tracy, which may explain why I’ve been kind of meh on the new-look Dick Tracy, which seems to mostly focus on reviving various characters from the strip’s long history. Anyway, this new plotline may get similarly bogged down with baffling references, but for today I’m going to enjoy it, as it appears to be about something that I choose to call “Car-Navor: The Car That Only Eats Other Cars.”

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Dick Tracy, 7/4/16

Hey, everybody, remember the Space Coupe? Last we saw it, a couple of bad guys had stolen it, but its inventor Diet Smith had taken control of it remotely and sent it drifting endlessly into deep space. Today, two years later, in honor of our nation’s independence, Dick Tracy wants to remind you that it’s still out there, whirling forever in the vast nothingness. Did Dr. Ghote and Dr. Sail gradually suffocate as the Coupe’s oxygen slowly ran out, giving them ample time to understand their inevitable fate? Or does the magical technology that allows the vessel to move without obvious propulsion or thrust also provide infinite oxygen, leaving the ne’er-do-wells to instead confront starvation, staved off temporarily only by a brief, violent turn to cannibalism? Either way, happy birthday, America!

Six Chix, 7/4/16

On this holiday when many Americans are travelling to attend cookouts with friends and family, Six Chix would like to remind you that every social event is nothing more than a prison!

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/16

Meanwhile, in Beetle Bailey, the mullosks have evolved language capabilities so they can beg us not to kill and eat them.