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Dick Tracy, 7/15/21

Oh, did I tell you about the Dick Tracy plot where Mysta Chimera was working with Vera Alldid, a cartoonist who does an in-universe comic strip called J. Straightedge Trustworthy that’s clearly based on/parodying Dick Tracy’s life, and Mysta was supposed to be promoting some cartoon thing but also Vera was sexually harassing her nonstop, but now they’ve both been kidnapped by some guy with a magic science ring that suppresses Mysta’s powers? Well, if I didn’t, I guess I just did in that previous sentence, so here we are! Anyway, I just want to point out that only when he learned his comic is in reruns now did Alldid truly break down into despair, which maybe says a little too much about the comic artist mindset. They’ve been running reruns of Crock for literally years and nobody seems to notice! You think they’re ever going to pay Vera again if this goes on for too long?

Dennis the Menace, 7/15/21

Hmm, it looks like Dennis’s mysterious road trip with the Wilsons is still ongoing! Mr. Wilson is, of course, scouring the local paper to make sure no reports of a missing young boy have reached this town, far away from the leafy suburb where the Mitchells and Wilsons live. (Obviously no such reports have made it into the paper, because Henry and Alice have absolutely not bothered to tell anybody their child is missing.)

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Dick Tracy, 7/12/21

Oh, hey, remember when Dr. Ghost and Dr. Sail stole one of Diet Smith’s space coupes and Diet sent it careening off into deep space, and we all assumed the villains had suffocated, or maybe ate each other? Well, good (?) news: it seems they actually were crushed into pulp as they plunged ever deeper into Jupiter’s thick atmosphere, or — best case scenario, in terms of visuals — were blasted into pieces by some of the planet’s intense lightning storms.

Judge Parker, 7/12/21

Oh, hey, remember how Judge Parker Senior has spent the last several months moping around the house in a drunken fog? Well, good news! Now he’s in a much better mood, apparently because he’s traded in alcohol for some powerful stimulant.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/21

OH IS THAT HOW YOU REMEMBER IT, JUNE?

BECAUSE I REMEMBER WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHARITY BOOK TO BENEFIT THE ART MUSEUM TURNING INTO A BIG PAYDAY FOR YOUR FAMILY

GUESS WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THIS ONE

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Beetle Bailey, 5/29/21

I guess it was probably a colorist’s decision/error, but I am truly tickled by Beetle’s slice of pizza, which appears to be devoid of any toppings or even cheese, just a sad triangle of crust. Truly, Sarge’s insatiable gluttony is ruining everyone’s day at Mama Rosa’s. The saddest thing is Beetle’s big smile: unlike the dude at the next table, he at least gets a little starch for dinner, and he’s grateful for it.

Dick Tracy, 5/29/21

Speaking of sad, Dick Tracy, a comic strip that once depicted a maniac in a gimp suit being eaten alive by rats, can now no longer bring itself to print the word “damn.” Sad!