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Archive: Dick Tracy

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Parental Monday

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Six Chix, 10/26/20

Look, I know it’s “spooky season” or whatever but I honestly did not want to spend a lot of my day thinking about how ghosts interact with physical matter, ok? Like, we all know they can pass through solid walls at will, but also apparently lounge on furniture if they want. But what’s their relationship with gasses like? Do they have the ability to detect vibrations in the air and process them as sound, the way we do? When they “talk” to one another, are they doing it via audible noise or direct mind-to-mind (soul-to-soul?) communication, and thus maybe the “ears” in this statement are metaphorical, or a memory of what it was like to have a physical body, who knows how many centuries ago? Anyway, I’m not sure if I’d be obsessing about this less if any of these ghosts had visible earholes or anything, but I would’ve liked to have found out.

Dick Tracy, 10/26/20

There’s a been a lot of hilarity in this weird Dick Tracy vampire storyline, but the fact that Professor Stokes is swinging off the roof on a JAZZ FEST banner is the absolute funniest thing we’ve seen in this strip in a long time. I can’t quite explain why I’m sure a biology professor who’s into extremely chintzy mechanically-assisted vampirism would also be very into jazz, but I’m very sure that he would be. Professor Stokes is probably sad that his artificial bat wing apparatus is still in the prototype stage at the moment, but if he can’t fly away, at least he can make his escape with an assist from his beloved jazz fest.

Dustin, 10/26/20

God, I love that Dustin’s dad is absolutely seething in the second panel. He went through all this trouble of buying a big suburban house, just like society says he was supposed to, and now he finds out he has to maintain it, just like he has to maintain his failing body? This is bullshit. Bullshit.

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All the officer-involved shootings are another similarity, of course

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Dick Tracy, 10/22/20

Despite the fact that Dick Tracy wears a bright yellow coat and has a rogue gallery full of weird mutants, his strip is actually a fairly accurate depiction of police work in several senses, including the fact that there often isn’t much mystery involved in any given crime. Oh, did an heiress die from being drained of blood, vampire-style? Probably she was killed by the local professor guy who’s part of a gang of vampire cosplayers who think they should’ve inherited the money instead, and he’ll be going after the other sisters next! Anyway, I genuinely enjoy how the tubes coming out of Professor Stokes’ mouth make him look particularly pathetic. You’ll never be a real vampire, buddy, no matter how goofy an overcoat you buy!

Mary Worth, 10/22/20

It has been brought to my attention by my more drug-savvy readers that this could also be a pipe for smoking meth, not just crack like I said before, so really, who can say what Tommy is resisting here, but the point is that if you don’t enjoy the sight of our boy staring at a pipe with eyes the size of dinner plates, then I respect your opinion but I think you’re missing out one of the fundamental pleasures of Mary Worth.

Dennis the Menace, 10/22/20

A fun fact about Socrates is that he was put on trial for various trumped up charges of “corrupting the youth” of Athens, and was convicted by only a very narrow majority of the jury, but then in the penalty phase of the trial he got to give a speech about what he thought his punishment should be, and he said the Athenian government should give him free room and board for life like they did for Olympic champions, and then a much larger portion of the jury voted to have him executed. What I’m trying to say, Dennis, is that a much smarter and more menacing man than you has already tried this little strategem, and it very much did not work.

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Glad these gals decided sensible investments are for chumps

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Dick Tracy, 10/10/20

Oh, I get it now! Hope, Faith, and Charity inherited money from their distant uncle, who otherwise would’ve left it to his “eccentric” vampire pals, who would’ve used it to upgrade their prototype fang and pump system; without that funding, the project still isn’t quite at production-level quality. Now the vampires are trying to knock off the sisters to get their hands on the cash; not sure why they apparently feel compelled to do so using their subpar blood-draining apparatus instead of just, like, shooting them or whatever, though I guess it’s probably the same reasons driving them to build such an device in the first place. Anyway, jokes on you, vampires! The surviving sisters just blew the rest of the money on a sweet car, plus that’s not actually how inheritance law works.

Daddy Daze, 10/10/20

You know who else wasn’t of royal birth? A guy who was born on a backwards Genovese island colony in 1769 and given the name of Napoleone di Buonaparte! I genuinely love that, as his father drones on with outdated ideas of who can and who can’t become king, this terrifying baby is performing his own coronation with a crown he made himself. I guess we’re all his subjects now?

The Lockhorns, 10/10/20

I mean … can he? Leroy’s facial expression really seems to be of a guy who’s been trying upwards of a minute to break that club over his leg, without success. He knows he looks more absurd with each passing moment, but he can’t back out now!