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Family Circus, 5/17/19

God, I honestly love Big Daddy Keane’s whole deal here. He looks beaten down by life, his facial expression numb and his tie just a little loose and disheveled, and mostly what he wants to do is take that spoon he’s holding delicately in his big, meaty mitt and just go to town on that enormous bowl of chocolate pudding. Look at all that pudding! That’s like a soup bowl’s worth of pudding! And it’s his due, as the family breadwinner. Jeffy sticking his grubby face into his peripheral vision is just pissing him off. Let the man eat his pudding in peace, Jeffy.

Six Chix, 5/17/19

I also enjoy today’s Six Chix, because based on the dialogue you’d expect the speaker to be sort of heavy-lidded and languorous, just dully shoving cookie after cookie into her mouth and barely tasting them, but in fact she’s staring at a half-eaten cookie wide-eyed with anxiety, as if she can’t fully articulate what mania is causing her to keep eating them. Her boyfriend is asleep, or maybe dead.

Mark Trail, 5/17/19

“Boy, am I glad we found Skull Mountain!” is the sort of thing a guy says, ironically, right before he gets killed by a bunch of spooky, evil skeletons.

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Hagar the Horrible, 5/8/19

I guess it looks like Merlin is joining the cast of Hagar the Horrible regulars, even though strictly speaking he’s a figure from 6th century Britain and not 10th century Norway. Still, this strip fits in well with the overall Hagar the Horrible milieu: in an era of widespread illiteracy, Eddie’s ability to scratch out a few runes makes him seem almost magical to his fellow Vikings.

Family Circus, 5/8/19

Are those … stink lines coming out of Jeffy’s bowl? Has feeding time in the Kean Kompound devolved so far into chaos that the kids are getting spoiled milk in their breakfast cereal? My god, just think of the farting. The farting. What a nightmare!

Mark Trail, 5/8/19

Doc may be an addled old man who believes in magic gold mines, but you gotta give him this: when he hears what might be a swarm of bees, or maybe an armed Predator drone, he doesn’t stand around like a sitting duck loudly saying stuff like “Hey, everyone, listen to the sound! Do you hear the sound?” or “The sound is a buzzing sound” or “Yeah, what is that sound, the buzzing sound we’re all talking about?” He just throws on his backpack and gets the hell out of there.

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Family Circus, 4/7/19

This is maybe one of the darkest Family Circuses I’ve ever seen! Let’s take a look at each of the portrayed fates of the lovers, clockwise from the left:

• Dude in prison
• 25 happily married years
• Dude watches TV with a buzz on while his wife hunches next to him uncomfortably
• Dude brings flower in from garden
• Old couple making out
• Lady looks at beloved’s grave
• Happy couple on tropical beach
• Cheerful domestic scene with kids
• Homeless couple huddles under blanket
• Dude thinks about his beloved, who is a nun
• Grumpy middle aged couple fights at therapy

Some of these are perfectly fine, but you gotta admit this is a much lower batting average for love than you’d expect from this strip. My favorite is the nun one, myself. I like how the guy’s dog looks almost as sad as he does. “I know she took a vow of chastity,” thinks the dog, “but she didn’t take a vow of no-dog-stity. It’s not right!”

Judge Parker, 4/7/19

Oh, hey, so I guess Marie isn’t taking Sam up on his offer to make “Marie” disappear and give her a new identity to escape from the mob, but she also is going to quit her job that allows her to live on the gated Spencer-Driver estate and make the money she needs to keep secluded! Excellent decision making all around.

The Phantom, 4/7/19

“You’re missing the big picture! Everything we do his for the history! Look at Hellborne Helene here — this plane combined a hot dame with hot legs with fiery hot death dropped onto German and Japanese cities from above! Eros and thanatos, mingled together in that contradictory stew we call life!”

Dennis the Menace, 4/7/19

Dennis definitely went over to Mr. Wilson’s house and pooped in a box, is what I’m getting from this.