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Dustin, 5/25/24

Syndicated newspaper comic strip creators love golf for some accursed reason, but I have to say that they’re generally pretty good about only doing jokes about aspects of golf that non-golfers know about through cultural osmosis, like that you can lose your ball in a sand or water trap, or that everyone who plays it fucking hates it for some reason. Today’s Dustin, however, requires you to know whether 112 is a good or a bad score. I mean, I guess it’s clear from context that it’s bad, but still: I think this is over the line. It made me dedicate some thought to the awful “sport of kings” [note to self: wait, is that horse racing? double-check this] when all I wanted to do is find out what specific kind of terrible asshole Dustin’s dad was going to be today. Unacceptable! Save it for your side gig submitting New Yorker-style single-panel cartoons to Golf Digest, creeps!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/25/24

“Living their retro-diner-roots-country life to the fullest” makes it sound very much like we’re seeing some unpleasant rockabilly LARP situation, possibly in a corporate “immersive experience” theme park run by whatever hedge fund currently owns the rights to the Johnny Rockets IP. And that’s the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that this is foreplay!

Family Circus, 5/25/24

Ah, man, this is great. Now I know that whenever we see Billy dressed up to play sports, he feels like he’s under a microscope and is miserable most of the time! I’m a major Billy hater as you all well know, so this is a big win for me.

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Daddy Daze, 5/4/24

Look, I’m just going to say it: I find the Daddy Daze baby, with his fixed, manic smile, his uncanny ability to move about and manipulate objects despite his infancy, and his inscrutable language of “ba”s, to be off-putting and frankly a little scary. So no, I’m not on board with the Daddy Daze daddy telling him to go out and start collecting memories from the very brains of his hapless victims.

Family Circus, 5/4/24

I know the upcoming Garfield movie is a big media event and the studio is making lots of deals to cross-promote it everywhere. I’m just a little surprised and frankly disappointed that the Catholic Church decided to get in on the action.

Beetle Bailey, 5/4/24

Wait, if you’re supposed to wear civvies to the General’s party, why’s he wearing a uniform? I was going to say that Beetle Bailey was drawing on its deep knowledge of contemporary military culture and uniform rules for the nuances of this joke, but then I realized how absurd that was, had a good laugh, and then went to lie down. Anyway, I think it’s just a mistake.

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Family Circus, 4/9/24

The “fun” of a Dolly Family Circus gag, to the extent that such a thing exists, is often about the gap between her smug, know-it-all affect and her actual knowledge; we see, in a single panel, both her hubris and her comeuppance. The other stock Dolly joke is just her tattling on someone, which is even less fun. Today’s panel is of the first variety, but I’m sorry, this is barely a darnedest thing we’re dealing with here — “hitter” and “header” sound very close or even identical in many English dialects, including in the Baltimore-Philly corridor that is the Keane clan’s ancestral home, and you easily can see why the sense confusion between the two words arises in this context. Sorry, I will not be cruelly mocking an innocent child for this one! (Open to cruelly mocking her at other times, especially in the tattletale strips.)

Crock, 4/9/24

It’s wild that this strip was written probably in like 2004 and was extremely incorrect in its terminology usage then, but today if you just changed “iPod” to “AirPod” it would be exactly right and probably along the lines of what the author was originally thinking of. If we went back and analyzed all the old strips, would we find that Crock was prescient of coming trends? No, absolutely not, why would even think that, get outta here.