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Marvin, 7/31/18

It’s weird how the Marvin cast of babies walk around unsupervised, talk, can grasp object permanence, etc., and really the only thing that marks them out as infants is that they’re short and aren’t potty trained. Almost as if someone just really likes the idea of functional adults shitting themselves deliberately on the regular, and who am I to judge! Ha ha, just kidding, I judge constantly, and in non-shitting judging news, why would a baby be at all interested in a fountain of youth? I guess maybe as a baby he recognizes the extreme jealousy his youth inspires in others and seeks to monetize it; or, conversely, maybe to him “youth” means young adulthood, and he aims to accelerate his fellow babies’ aging process until their physical development matches their mental state. They’re still gonna shit their pants, though! Just a hunch I have about that.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/31/18

I’d always just pegged Parson Tuttle as an uncomplicated grifter, but now I see he has a much darker design: to use Scripture as a recruiting tool to raise an army of child soldiers, like an Appalachian Kony. Can the women in this community hold the line against the total violent breakdown of their community?

Family Circus, 7/31/18

I have to admit that seeing a sugar-drunk Jeffy announcing that he’s discovered he can just guzzle syrup straight from the bottle and plans to continue to do so made me smile. The only way this panel could be even better would be if, instead just a single demure droplet of syrup at the corner of his mouth, he was completely covered in the stuff, like he had poured it over his head and let ooze down and form a delicious, sticky mask. Can’t even open his eyes because of the syrup and happy as a clam, a dumb, gross, syrup-soaked clam.

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Family Circus, 7/27/18

Look, I get that whoever’s in charge of coloring the daily comics is probably overworked, underpaid, may not be fluent in English or familiar with any of the art form’s conventions, etc. But the Family Circus is iconic, so when you come at it with your little paint can fill tool in whatever off-brand Photoshop knockoff the contractor employing you illegally downloaded, you best come correct. It’s Billy who’s the blond, and you can tell the difference between him and Jeffy, who’s a redhead, because Jeffy’s hair is lumpy. One is left staring at this panel with the impression that Jeffy has dyed his hair to show his total dedication to the beach lifestyle he and PJ are constructing for themselves. They’re also building their beach out of sugar, so presumably this scene here takes place only moments before everyone flees in terror from an enormous swarm of bees.

Pluggers, 7/27/18

I don’t know what delights me about this more: the image, which shows a crazed plugger reverting back to his true animalistic self, or the caption, which summons up the image of a plugger trying to put his hair up in a bun and somehow getting greasy chunks of ground beef tangled up in it.

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Hi and Lois, 7/22/18

Hello there! Do you have opinions about non-representational modern art? Well, if you’re a syndicated cartoonist, why not put them in the mouth of an innocent child, of the age whose aesthetic judgements we often deem to be “pure” rather than “extremely naive?” I enjoy the fact that Dot is rolling her eyes at Ditto in panel one; she finds his ignorance staggering and depressing, but apparently feels no shame about her own diatribe about how degenerate modern art is an insolent mockery of the Divine under centrist rule, a deliberate sabotage of national defense, and a depiction of nature as seen by sick minds.

Family Circus, 7/22/18

I’m not sure what the joke here is, but a good way to get an actual pre-verbal toddler hurt is to have him just wander the streets by himself, unsupervised!