Archive: Family Circus

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Family Circus, 11/27/17

It’s hard for me to really conceptualize how old and how far along on the path to adulthood the Keane Kids are supposed to be, partly because they have to be a little unrealistically precocious to do all the darndest-things-saying, partly because they’ve been around for longer than I’ve been alive — and also, let’s be real, partly because I’m not a parent and have a hard time keeping track of how kids at particular ages are supposed to act or look like! Like, I have a friend who has a six-month-old baby and she was talking with another mom about how much her son weighed and the other mom was like “Oooh, wow” so I knew it was unusual but in which direction??? Turns out he’s a big old baby, but the point is, sometimes I forget that Jeffy is, I guess, a toddler. Right? Like, he’s too young to school but he’s old enough to walk around and talk? Is that a toddler? I assume that there’s a stage you go through in toddlerhood where your sense of self really gels and asserting your identity becomes very important, which is why Jeffy is furious at being called Mo and also is wearing a shirt with his name on it, which he can’t read but probably he’s been assured it says “Jeffy.” Either that or Jeffy knows full well that the “Mo’s” are abandoned at the bus station, and the t-shirt is there to tell whoever collects him what his name is. Why aren’t any of the other kids wearing name t-shirts? Because Mommy knows where to start “eeny”-ing in order to “mo” on Jeffy. She’s not dumb. Not like Jeffy.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/27/17

The Alps were one of the few parts of Europe that were unscathed by Norse raids, and the League of the Three Forest Cantons that would eventually become the nucleus of the Swiss Confederacy wasn’t established until 1291, long after the Viking Age had ended. Still, shoutout to the artist here for accurately setting the scene with a Swiss flag fluttering above the parapets, with newspaper readers being free to imagine it in its accurate white-cross-on-red coloring. And further shoutout to the syndicate colorist, who instead created a green cross on a white background, which in California at least is universally recognized as the symbol of a medical marijuana dispensary. It explains a lot about the way comics get colored, anyway.

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Slylock Fox, 11/22/17

Ha ha, you simpletons, did you think those lovable pigs just munched on apple cores and such? No, they’ll eat anything that can get their suddenly dextrous hands on, and now that they’ve somehow learned to use tools, that can mean a delicious roast chicken right off your table … or you. You with a noose around your neck, dragged out the window, to be devoured alive by a trio of grinning, squealing, bug-eyed pigs. We joke about the Slylockverse animalpocalypse around here, but it must’ve been more horrible than any of us could possibly imagine.

Pluggers, 11/22/17

Man, can I say that I specifically tune into Pluggers for a complete and total absence of anything that might be an even vaguely topical political reference? Anyway, grandpa’s going to prison for treason, I guess.

Family Circus, 11/22/17

A scene from the upcoming Lifetime movie, Please Mommy Don’t Kill Again

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Family Circus, 11/16/17

I have to admit that I’m extremely hung up on Billy proposing to go eat at the home of someone named “Corbin.” Corbin? Is this a thing that Americans are naming their children now? I of course immediately turned to the indispensable Baby Name Wizard for answers, and learned that Corbin has seen a huge uptick in usage recently, beginning the 1980s (presumably with the fame of L.A. Law heartthrob Corbin Bernsen) but really hitting new heights in the 2010s, so … it’s possible? Still, that’s all relative: in 2011, 475 out of every million boys born in the U.S. were named Corbin, whereas William, which has plummeted in popularity from its late 19th century peak, is still bestowed upon boys around ten times as often.

It’s also possible that this is a reference to British Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, and Billy represents young people turning away from neoliberal austerity policies and towards the promises of socialism. The name “Corbin” derives from the Old French word for “crow,” so we can’t rule out the possibility that Billy is has joined a bird-cult and feels unstoppably drawn to the great Nest of his sinister Raven God, to feed.

Mark Trail, 11/16/17

Dick Tracy just doesn’t serve up graphic, violent deaths on the regular anymore, so it’s good that Mark Trail has stepped into the breach, showing us a man about to be horribly killed by a tornado. Looking forward to him hurtling downward, screaming in terror, his ponytail flapping wildly behind him, until he makes a neat, viscera-filled crater on the ground of ghost town, right in front of Mark and everybody else.

Crock, 11/16/17

Crock: The Strip Where The Cacti Don’t Fuck Anymore™