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Family Circus, 7/7/15

I love that Dolly has a bible tucked under her arm as she announces that she’d rather chow down on endless Clark Bars in hell than rule in heaven. The implication is that she didn’t even go online to one of several convenient Bible websites to do a text search for “chocolate”; no, she read through the whole thing looking for evidence of her favorite foodstuff and failed to find it, almost as if it had been written by people who lived in the Old World in the time before the Columbian Exchange began. Mostly I’m impressed that she got through an entire book that vividly describes, among other things, gang rape, genocide, incest, and bear magic, and she decided that the absence of chocolate was the hill she was going to die on.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/7/15

I was going to go off on a rant about how dumb and unrealistic this was — did they not put down a deposit? did they not read this guy’s Yelp reviews? does nobody have an iPhone’s worth of music they can just put on shuffle? — but then I got distracted by that link cleverly tucked between the first and second panels. There are a bunch of Funkyverse books, guys! All published by Kent State, a public university, presumably as part of its education mission! There’s one that collects the Crankshaft storylines about Alzheimer’s, and it’s called Roses in December: A Story of Love and Alzheimer’s, even though it actually contains two distinct stories! This is the greatest discovery of my week so far!

Dennis the Menace, 7/7/15

I love the knowing look Henry is flashing the reader here. “Heh heh, it wasn’t a big cake that convinced her to marry me. It was something else big, if you know what I mean! I mean my penis. That something was my penis. I have a big penis.”

Apartment 3-G, 7/7/15

This Apartment 3-G plot may still not make any sense, but at least we get to enjoy Margo trying and failing to coin a sassy new catchphrase. “That’s a heck to the no, am I right, everybody? This is how cool people talk! Let me hear a shoutout from my fellow cool people on this!”

Momma, 7/7/15

OH MY GOD MOMMA MADE AN CULTURAL REFERENCE THAT IS ACCURATE FOR A YOUNG WOMAN MARYLOU’S AGE, MY MIND HAS EXPLODED EVERYWHERE

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Hi and Lois, 6/29/15

As Hi and Lois slowly retreats to its retro roots, the Thurstons are also starting to fulfill their role from a less genteel age: not only is Thirsty an unpleasant drunk once again, but the childless couple are also depicted as being just a little less classy overall than the Flagstons, and I mean “classy” as in economic class. Sure, they live in an identical suburban house next door, but there are hints. That patch on the chair, for instance: Lois would never permit anything so shabby in her home! The family dynamic that has Irma doing yoga in the living room of what I assume to be a multi-bedroom house specifically to annoy her husband is another issue altogether, as is the fact that Hi immediately says “that’s good, right?” to Thirsty’s announcement.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/29/15

Ah, let’s check back in with Cindy’s story, which it’s my understanding is about … how young people are terrible to old people? Hmmm, something seems off here, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Heathcliff, 6/29/15

Ooh! Ooh! I know! He got them from a genie! Man, I’m really enjoying Heathcliff’s new arc-driven storytelling style.

Pluggers, 6/29/15

“Wow, this section is full of misdirected lower-middle-class cultural resentment! Wouldn’t want you reading any of that.”

Crankshaft, 6/29/15

Don’t you miss the good ol’ days, when a soldier could be violently beat up day after day in the comics and no meddling politicians would disapprove?

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/26/15

Oh, look, it’s “jack-and-jill (v)”, another made-up phrase that nobody will ever use from the strip that brought you “Lewis-and-Clarking,” “Nordic,” and “solo car date!” This one really ups the ante, in the sense that a character is summoned forth from the narrative ether and brought on-panel to say it after having terribly injured himself.

Crock, 6/26/15

Attention cartoonists everywhere: the era when a sentence could be deemed a punchline just because it included the phrase “cell phone” was extremely brief and ended more than a decade ago! Please make a note of it.

Heathcliff, 6/26/15

It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize this isn’t just garden-variety Heathcliff irritating whimsy, but a terrible play on words: the genie created jeans, get it? Get it? GET IT??? Based on the numb expression on the genie’s face, he’s as disgusted by it as I am.

Marvin, 6/26/15

“Yes, that’s right lady,” thinks Marvin’s mom slyly in panel three, “my husband is completely unfuckable.”

Crankshaft, 6/26/15

YES

CRANKSHAFT AND HIS BUDDIES ARE GOING TO BE ARRESTED FOR POLITICAL CRIMES AND CONVICTED IN A PUBLIC SHOW TRIAL

THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE LIIIIIFE