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Judge Parker, 7/11/16

I don’t really have the strength to get into the various nuances of the Sophie-Derek-Honey triangle, or how the details have shifted over time to make Sophie look better. I just want to enjoy Derek’s hilarious pissyface in panel one. Look at that thing! It’s almost like he thought inviting two girls who like him but hate each other on this trip was a good idea and the scenario was going to work out great for him and everyone else involved. Sorry Derek!

Gil Thorp, 7/11/16

Is this funeral in a church? I really want Tru to have his full on nihilist breakdown in a church. “Some things are just random. No omniscient deity guides us towards an ending that was meant to be! Nothing has any meaning!” [clergyman attempts to drag him away] “Get your hands off me, you charlatan!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/16

Meanwhile, in the “Rex found valuable comic books under the floorboard of his attic” plot, Rex’s pals are putting the valuable comic books that have been slowly mouldering under the floorboards of Rex’s attic for decades into protective sleeves, apparently under the misapprehension that protective sleeves work retroactively.

Slylock Fox, 7/11/16

You know, considering how often Slylock has Max and Melanie over socially, you’d think he’d get some chairs they could actually sit in.

(Psst! Today’s the twelfth anniversary of the day I started this blog by writing a pissy screed about Non Sequitur, for some reason! Thanks to everyone who’s been reading for twelve years or twelve minutes. It’s still fun and you’re all great!)

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Marvin, 7/7/16

So it turns out Marvin’s dad didn’t go to jail, and is now planning on taking his wife and child on vacation to the extremely cheap destination of “Swindletopia.” Today, his father-in-law gloms onto the trip using transparent emotional manipulation! The brief forays this strip takes into the lives of its adult characters makes you long for its usual witty and subtle baby poop jokes.

Gasoline Alley, 7/7/16

I’m trying, I’m really trying to not get worked up over the various historical horrors going on with this coin. I won’t goggle at the fact that the strip managed to accurately learn that Nero’s full name began with “Nero Claudius” but get everything else wrong: that he was never referred to as such on coins, only as “Nero Caesar”; that the picture looks almost nothing like Nero’s real coin portraits; that the “A.D.” dating system wasn’t developed until the 6th century A.D. and the pagan Romans wouldn’t have used it as a dating formula in 64 even it was around. I am, however, going to get mad about the fact that this terrible coin changes size radically between panels, appearing to be about the size of a quarter in panels one and three and about the size of a smallish plate in panel two.

Gil Thorp, 7/7/16

Oh, man, looks like Boo’s death is setting up a wacky summer Gil Thorp plot in which the kids discover nihilism! Watch them veer wildly between sullen inaction and wild self-destructive behavior, all while muttering “What’s the point of the playdowns? What’s the point of the annual bonfire? What’s the point of anything?”

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Gil Thorp, 6/9/16

Holy crap, I’ve been reading Gil Thorp for more than a decade and I’m reasonably sure this is the first time they’ve actually killed off a character! (I’m not counting the time Coach Kaz punched a guy in the brain.) The victim was sassy, beloved Boo Radley, who briefly dated golden boy True Standish and just pitched a no-hitter; she died in a multi-car pileup caused by drunken Pa Bader, who decided that driving sober was for people who can’t close. Will his monster of a son still obnoxiously defend him now that he’s killed one of his own classmates? Probably not, since there’s only like a week or two left until the end of the spring storyline. Anyway, things are gonna get grim!

Family Circus, 6/9/16

This senseless tragedy really puts Billy’s petty problems in perspective, doesn’t it? Still, I appreciate the effort he’s going to here to really wallow in his gloom. He’s wearing all black, to commemorate the day he turned his back on the God who failed him and pledged his allegiance to Satan.

Blondie, 6/9/16

At least we can count on the solid, charming laughs of Blondie to cheer us up! Ha ha, poor people, am I right? What a bunch of scam artists!