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Archive: Gil Thorp

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Ah, that Hooper … always … giving the signal and such … classic Hooper

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Shoe, 12/9/22

I suppose it’s possible that immediately before the action we see here in the strip, Loon was pridefully boasting of his achievements or good qualities to this bird-priest and earned this stern rebuke. But his posture (slouched, staring off into the middle distance, seemingly unaware that the bird-priest is even there) makes me doubt that. From context, it seems like this clergybird is just quoting (misquoting, actually) judgemental bible verses at random. If this is the state of bird Christianity, it’s no wonder that bird Judaism is flourishing.

Judge Parker, 12/9/22

This dude in the vest is some former Sam Driver client whose name I can’t be bothered to remember or look up and who now serves as his guide through the seedy Cavelton criminal underworld. He says it’s too dangerous for him to tell Sam the details he needs, but fortunately for Sam and us he simply cannot let an exposition-prompt such as “like they went after Judge Duncan” pass him by. Sure he could’ve just said “Yep!” while smiling tightly, but who could resist the chance to dish out “Oh, you mean Judge Meth-Head, the judge who loves to buy meth?” gossip to someone who clearly hasn’t heard it yet.

Gil Thorp, 12/9/2

“Look at that! Oh, right, you can’t, because nobody drew it. Well, take our word for it, it was pretty cool.”

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The sad ballad of Marty Moon

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Blondie, 12/5/22

Look, I’ve grudgingly accepted that Elmo, a child to whom the Bumstead family is not related but who nevertheless just kind of hangs out at their house a lot, is a major recurring character in Blondie. But what I will not accept is jokes that are only about Elmo and his life, rather than jokes in which Elmo mainly exists to create opportunities for Dagwood to obsess about food or remark negatively about the kids today and their phones or whatever. You hear me? Nobody wants this. Nobody wants to open the comics pages in 10 years and check out the Sunday installment of Blondie and her Husband Dagwood’s Pal Elmo and think “Gee, Dagwood and Blondie haven’t been in this strip in a while now, have they?” So let’s just put the brakes on this right now.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/5/22

Funky Winkerbean continues to hurl towards its end point in which we learn that Summer was the product of a multi-generational time-travel program designed to cause her to transforms the world with her book about Westview. To that end, the janitor from the future ensured that her parents would reconnect at a high-school reunion. Future history was almost shattered when Les tried out one of the most dumb and convoluted jokes this strip has ever seen, but don’t worry, Lisa liked that sort of thing, I guess. Also, since Lisa only existed to birth Summer into existence, we can all feel better about her tragic death: she fulfilled her destiny and honestly ensuring that Summer had a mopey (and occasionally literally) haunted childhood would help push her towards a writer’s life, rather than becoming dangerously happy and well-adjusted.

Gil Thorp, 12/5/22

As the big game gets started on the field, Marty solemnly flips an AA chip on his own in his beloved wooden crate press box. Do you think Marty or Kaz or any of them ever bother asking Marty how he’s doing, how his recovery is going, whether they can ever be a source of strength or help to him? I doubt it. But he’s just going to keep calling the plays like he sees them, doing the best he can, one day at a time.

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Look, people NEED TO KNOW about this local mattress store, OK

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Gil Thorp, 11/25/22

Gil has dug some old game tape out of a box to give us the supervillain origin story of his hated coaching rival, and the truly shocking information we learn is that (a) back in 1987 ,Marty Moon had a Fu Manchu mustache, and (b) back in 1987, football broadcasts used to just cut to commercial in the middle of some of the most exciting plays in the game.

Dennis the Menace, 11/25/22

Dennis’s grandfather always looks smug, but he’s really turned it up a notch here. “That’s right, George,” he’s thinking, “You have to put up with this little brat’s bullshit 24/7, and I get to come visit occasionally, get all the credit and affection, then fly back to my ‘active seniors’ community in Palm Springs just in time for the weekly key party. Suck it, loser!”

Dustin, 11/25/22

Dustin’s pal Fitch hasn’t really had much of a personality developed other than “is dumb,” so it’s quite striking to learn today that he’s a problem drinker with a great deal of self-loathing about it. Fitch, I hope you draw comfort in knowing that all of us have our struggles! For instance, I experience quite a bit of self-loathing because I’m able to remember the names of secondary Dustin characters without looking them up.