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Gil Thorp, 8/29/22

Seems its new author is transforming Gil Thorp from one of newspaper comics’ few remaining sports strips into a full-blown soaper, and at breakneck speed.

In just five weeks, we’ve seen Gil ambiguously flirt with Barkeep Bethany and mysterious blonde “Ms. Holmes,” and Coach Ms. Coach Thorp disappear with the kids on the one weekend Gil would be in town, explaining (?) that “I need Coach Gil to be more at home sometimes.” Luke Martinez, new coach at Valley Tech, is a thoroughgoing jackass who drunkenly insults Gil in a bar, libels him in a Marty Moon podcast, compulsively brags about his own athletic, coaching, and intellectual prowess, and here humiliates his teenage son (“Haha! Dad! Haha! You asshole!”). His wife Francesca humblebrags about being “just a heart surgeon” and subtly negs Mimi about being a “stay-at-home mom.” All the ingredients of an explosive melodrama!

Hey, maybe instead of the Homecoming celebration we’ll get an emotional bonfire this fall!

Crankshaft, 8/29/22

Let me save you a couple brain cells looking for a joke here: searching “kids play servers” will get you mostly family-friendly Minecraft sites, and “restaurants where the waitstaff also babysits” are very rare, imagine that.

My real interest here is Max and Hannah’s car. I get a strong “1996 Hyundai Accent” vibe, which fits their “failed movie theater entrepreneurs living with his parents” demographic. The odd thing is, everybody in Centerville and Westview seems to drive the exact same car. Check out Crankshaft himself, Ralph Meckler, and the Winkerbeans:

Crankshaft, 7/10/22 and 7/9/18; Funky Winkerbean, 8/24/22 (panels)

Did they get some sort of group discount? Was it part of Hyundai’s Rust-Belt marketing strategy? Do they pass cars back and forth between the strips? Does the Ohio UAW’s “Buy American” office know about this? Maybe they all just share one car? That last one wouldn’t surprise me; I mean none of them is going anywhere.

Curtis, 8/29/22

Free availability of an essential good mitigates absolute poverty but ruins local suppliers and distorts unrelated markets as families reallocate spending. Next up: “Ma, the rent is too damn high for no good reason,” brought to you by Ray Billingsley and Thomas Sowell.

9 Chickweed Lane, 8/29/22

When these two aren’t talking about sex, they’re talking about nothing. It’s an improvement!

–Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 8/23/22

Ohhhh, I get it now! All that bluster from Gil’s new nemesis? It was just flirting! His aggressive on-airpod proclamation that he was faithful to his wife? He means that he and his wife both adhere to the parameters of the rules they’ve laid down for their ethically non-monogamous marriage! Lukey and Fran want to swing, is what I’m saying, right there on the golf course. Take off those plaid shorts — but leave the tam-o-shanter on, coach! Yum!

Daddy Daze, 8/23/22

We’ve met the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth pal/neighbor before, and he and the Daddy Daze daddy have swapped parenting advice/commiseration, but … I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen his kid? Which is weird, considering that the Daddy Daze baby seems to be within “ba”-ing distance of his father 24/7. Based on today’s strip, though, I worry that the goth pal’s child may have fallen to his death from a great height, or that goth pal is going to jump to his death himself, or maybe both.

Mary Worth, 8/23/22

“Third, Jared. You were my third choice. That’s a bronze metal. Bronze. Does anyone care about bronze, Jared? You know what bronze medalists don’t get to do, Jared? They don’t get to dump me! They don’t get to — uh, I mean, I’m glad there’s no bad blood between us…”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/15/22

Ah, good news, everybody! It looks like Andrzej and Tildy may have had some health scares, but they’re on the mend and all this drama has brought them closer together. It’s a perfect ending to the week as we look forward to seeing what new story begins on Monday, and [looks at calendar]. Oh. Um. Well, I hope everyone is excited to see two old people sitting quietly and watching the the 1930 Cooper/Dietrich film Morocco in a hospital room for the next six days!

Gil Thorp, 8/15/22

I’ve made many, many jokes over the years about how the Thorps’ kids have been memory holed. The strip’s new writer is bringing them back, though, and in their very first appearance is letting us know why they’ve been gone so long: they suck. A bratty teen and a little tattletale! Who’d want a get a Christmas card with pictures of these losers on it? Certainly not me!

Blondie, 8/15/22

A thing about this strip that makes me sad is that in the third panel you can just see that the gas station where the Bumsteads are filling up is called “Gooney Gas.” That’s a solid goofy Blondie business name and it deserves better than to be crammed in between two word balloons in such small type that it’s probably illegible in newspapers. Is there a Gooney Gas mascot? A bizarre slogan on par with “Say — then pay!”? America demands a full exploration of this intriguing corner of the Blondieverse!