Archive: Gil Thorp

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Gil Thorp, 3/7/22

You know, I make fun of Gil Thorp a lot for focusing on its characters’ insane hijinks rather than actual high school sports action and coaching, but the dirty truth is that actual high school sports action and coaching are in fact incredibly boring. Oh, the basketball team captain thinks that the girl currently playing guard isn’t doing so great and that she should be in that position instead? I can’t type a “ZZZZZZZZ” long enough to express my lack of interest in this. I am intrigued by the way she’s holding that sandwich in panel one, which I think we can all agree is very much not the way someone holds a sandwich if they’re intending to eat it any time soon. I assume that she’s just keeping it at the ready so if anyone disagrees with her assessment of Maddie’s poor performance she can chuck it directly into their face.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/7/22

So Marianne really did get nominated for an Oscar, for playing Les’s dead wife Lisa! Apparently the screenwriter/guy whose life the movie was based on did not snag an Oscar ceremony invite, which: LOL. Still, these people are talking about parties that Mason and Marianne have pointedly not been invited to because they’re afraid he might show up.

Pluggers, 3/7/22

[For this bit, I’m a caveman outraged that people in the future don’t recognize my culture’s achievements] Hey, buddy, ever heard of fire? Idiot.

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Shoe, 3/5/22

Look, I’m not saying the creators of Shoe are trying to get us to think about the weird anatomical mechanics of their bird-man character’s asses — I am of course on the record as saying that they’ve actually forgotten that they’re birds entirely. But you have to admit that this strip features the absolutely perfect angle to remind you that, yes, the Perfesser has a huge plume of tail feathers, and that’s why he doesn’t wear pants, and then immediately hits you with his wacky story of sitting a gooey puddle of chocolate. I don’t care for it.

Mary Worth, 3/5/22

Oh my gosh, it looks like we’ve found our plot’s villain, everybody! It’s this woman who’s watching Toby and Cal’s ham-handed flirting with cold, detached disapproval. Not sure which possibility is funnier: that she’s Santa Royale Community College’s designated #metoo officer and she’s going to cancel the living daylights out of Toby, or she’s a literature prof who’s met Ian at conferences and always had an eye on him, and now that his hussy younger wife is flinging herself at some teenager she sees a chance to make her move.

Gil Thorp, 3/5/22

“…to inject me with the EXPERIMENTAL SUPER SERUM”

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Gil Thorp, 2/26/22

The thing about Gil Thorp and its teenage hijinks is that they do occur in the very restricted world of the newspaper comics section, which means that the black-market Adderall the characters buy needs to be fake, their “sexting” photos need to be fully clothed, and their backyard wrestling deaths need to be accidental. Still, I would have liked at least a panel or two of ambiguity before finding out that Pranit’s attempt to solve his cash-flow problems with hired violence instantly blew up in his face.

Gasoline Alley, 2/26/22

Gasoline Alley is doing this long shaggy dog story about how Walt was on an adventure in Egypt decades ago and ended up in a Pharaoh’s tomb and drank something, and I feel like we finally have an explanation of what’s going on with him, which is that he’s under a mummy’s curse. Which make sense, as he’s increasingly mummy-like himself.

Mary Worth, 2/26/22

Cal, I get it, Toby’s an attractive woman, and a student-teacher romance has a forbidden allure. But you don’t have to debase yourself by claiming that you think Toby’s hideous grey figurines look “playful.” Try to have a little dignity, man.