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The Comics Curmudgeon 2008 Fall Fundraiser



Well, Josh’s plan to hit the jackpot at Jeopardy didn’t quite pan out as planned. And those Lehman Brothers and AIG investments have been underperforming, too. So here’s another Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser — a twice-a-year event to help Josh maintain the naive delusion that he can actually make a living doing this.

Site stats show that most CC readers cruise by for a quick chuckle during the workday, while a determined few dig deep in the comments, wrangling out issues from Foob revisionism and Mary Worth‘s fashion sense to Middle English grammar. Either way, the Comics Curmudgeon delivers the comics we grew up with — in some cases, the comics Moses grew up with — in a way that works for this century. Isn’t that worth a couple bucks? I thought so!

Click the panel up top to visit the special fundraiser page and help keep the Comics Curmudgeon strong and independent. Thank you!

— Uncle Lumpy

Curtis, 9/30/08

OK, the “evil coach” is an oldie, but credit Curtis for thinking it through — sure, the Eastern-European stereotype is overdone, but the hairy tongue (!) and Santa suit give it a fresh look. But really, “dandelions”? “Dandelions”?

Six Chix, 9/30/08

Margaret Shulock — one-sixth of the ‘Chix’ as well as the writer of Apartment 3G — serves up a double dose of death this week. But this Death be not proud — he’s just a gangly, socially awkward, self-conscious fella who needs fashion advice, and probably a hug. I bet he’s the one who claimed Alan’s soul. And I bet Alan was kinda pleased by that.

The Phantom, 9/30/08

Ah, now here’s a villian of the old school! We last saw Wambesi terrorist and Phantom-nemesis Chatu (a.k.a. “The Python”) in August 2006, leaving a crippled helicopter for ol’ Stripey to ride to firey death. Didn’t happen. Surviving now sans minions in greatly reduced circumstances, Chatu worked out a mad scheme to spread Ebola virus using fruit bats — but Ebolified himself in the process. The Ghost-who-Cares will track the virus to infected gym mats in somebody’s hut, as the villagers cry, ambiguously, “How are you going to kill it?”

Luann, 9/30/08

Remember how Tiffany used to be the schemer in this strip? Look how far our heroine has come. Without mussing a hair or even fully opening her eyes, Luann excises Tiff’s last shred of self-respect, then sends her spinning into the competitive cesspool of underage porn. Um, that’s a left leg, isn’t it?

Herb and Jamaal, 9/30/08

Not necessarily evil-related, but a milestone nonetheless: the comic strip Herb and Jamaal became self-aware at 1:09 Eastern time, September 30th, 2008. In a stunning irony, the strip was instantly sued by the copyright holders of the words “Crunchy” and “Powdered.”

— Uncle Lumpy

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Herb and Jamaal, 9/20/08

Pity poor Herb, who’s been reduced to making a series of “funny” reaction facial expressions in his own comic strip while his doctor dishes out the “jokes.” Sure, the strip could have been recast with almost no effort at all so that it consisted of actual dialog being exchanged, by why bother when you have the option of non-stop hilarity in its purest form: a lecture from a doctor with comical hair. At least Herb got to contribute something, rather than just silently picking something up while a stranger contemplates adoption like Jamaal did earlier this week.

Ziggy, 9/20/08

Sassy mice claiming rights beyond their station might appear in any number of second-tier long-running comic strips (see for instance Garfield, 9/8-11/08). But that crooked-mouthed expression of pure humiliation and helplessness on our hero’s face? That’s the special soul-blighting value-add you only get from Ziggy.

Mark Trail, 9/20/08

“He’s a filthy animal that we let live in our house because we’re insane! He’s covered with fleas, and he steals things, and he has rabies!”

Apartment 3-G, 9/20/08

Wow, this took a turn for the depressing real fast. Uh, don’t do drugs, kids, OK?

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Herb and Jamaal, 9/16/08

Well hello there, Random Mustachioed Dude Who We’ve Never Once Seen Before In This Feature! The title characters are on a break from their usual hilariously nonspecific antics (Jamaal was available for his contractually obliged appearance in the second panel), so why not just wander in and thought balloon folksily about something or other? That sounds like good cartooning right there!

It’s possible that RMDWWNOSBITF is setting up some no-doubt fascinating story about adoption or something that is really dying to be told in this feature; such a narrative would obviously require a new character as a protagonist, since no one would want to disrupt the lives of the existing Herb and Jamaal crew, who operate like a well-oiled machine of hilarity. On the other hand, if this fellow is just going to show up one day, muse silently about this strange journey we call life, then wander off, never to be seen again, I will have gained a certain respect for this comic.

Mother Goose and Grimm and Monty, 9/16/08

Monty (a strip that I never talk about here, but for which I harbor a certain affection) and Mother Goose and Grimm have both decided to launch into a series of painfully unfunny Sopranos jokes this week. And, really, why not. It’s the 1.25th anniversary of the show going off the air this month, so it’s more topical now than ever.

Spider-Man, 9/16/08

This strip, with its endless television-watching, whining, flu infections, and wholly accidental plot resolutions, can sometimes be a little too intense for newspaper readers. That’s why it’s important for Spidey to take a break every couple of weeks or so and just recap the plot for nobody in particular. Whew, I feel calmer already!

Apartment 3-G, 9/16/08

Damn you, Alan, I’ve sat idly by long enough while you spiraled downward into dope-fueled madness. Today, though, you crossed the line. Why do you denigrate booze? What did sweet, sweet liquor ever do to you? Getting drunk is a lot more than “better than nothing,” OK? It’s how humans have been altering their consciousness long before you and your fancy narcotics came along. Hey, don’t you just drop the thought of getting drunk on the job because you think there might be drugs somewhere around there! Are you listening to me? Oh my God, he’s a monster!