Post Content

Dick Tracy, 6/7/17

Ugh, remember how the last Dick Tracy storyline started out with low-stakes cosplay grifting perpetrated by three women named Margie and then took a hard right turn into baffling anti-Semitism? Well, we’re going to just ride that level of discomfort straight into this new storyline, where beloved Dick Tray ancillary character B.O. Plenty, last seen siring a hideous nightmare-baby, I think, gets evicted from his haunted home after having failed to pay the mortgage on it.

Spider-Man, 6/7/17

Mole-Man’s “He’s vowed to do so!” in panel one is endearingly naive and is perhaps indicative that he wasn’t devious enough to maintain political power in the underground realm. Lots of politicians vow to do things before they enter office — cut taxes, fix health care, conquer and enslave the surface dwellers, whatever — but often move those goals to the back burner once they’re confronted with the realities of governance. MJ’s observation in panel three is on the mark and further evidence of Mole-Man’s diplomatic incompetence: if he had access to an immortality serum, surely he could’ve opened trade negotiations with the world above and at least gotten some windows installed in the earth’s crust to let a little sunlight through.

Hi and Lois, 6/7/17

“I hope Mother Earth, the metaphorical embodiment of our planet’s ecosystem as a nurturing parent, doesn’t get jealous of my actual mother, who’s rocking a hot bikini bod and making everybody horny” –an infant in an actual comic published in newspapers around the country

Post Content

Dick Tracy, 5/31/17

I freely admit that I don’t understand even a little what exactly Dick Tracy is doing with this “the Margies are all named Margie and it’s cute and they committed some mild CosplayCon grifting and also HARBOR AN UNREASONING HATRED OF THE JEWS” plot. I will say that Margie’s “I know how your people work, Catchem,” doesn’t ring true to me. First of all, everyone knows it’s “you people,” and second of all, most anti-Semites who “know how you people work” would probably assume that the sinister Jews are pulling the strings from behind the scenes, probably in a bank somewhere, rather than getting their hands dirty as beat cops. And yet isn’t that just any despised minority’s dilemma? Nothing will be good enough for those who hate you. Sam Catchem wanted so badly to be accepted as an ordinary Neo-Chicago police officer that he dresses like a damn leprechaun, for God’s sake, and still he catches this kind of abuse from the Margies of the world.

Hi and Lois, 5/31/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because depression is quite common amongst older people, especially if, like Mr. Wavering, they don’t have a partner, but Trixie is too naive to understand this!

Mary Worth, 5/31/17

I know we’re pretty deeply committed to the Katie-Derek-Esmé love triangle plot right now, but, you know, if Toby were to accidentally purchase a cursèd Mayan artifact as a souvenir and bring it back to Charterstone, leaving a trail of gruesome, mysterious deaths her wake, I certainly wouldn’t object.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/12/17

So in addition to being a shitty husband, Derek is a terrible boss as well! “Hey, Sandy, Denise, thanks for holding down the fort here at the office while I took a three-week vacation to ‘reconnect’ with the wife or whatever. You do not want to hear about how that went, ha ha! Anyway, I saw this extremely generic teal hat in a fenced-off vacation compound in Haiti and thought of you guys. Uh, I only bought one, so, I guess you can share it?”

Meanwhile, Katie is exploring the Mystery Of The Propped-Open Bathroom Door! THEORIES: Either it’s a trap laid by her romantic rival, Entertainer Esmé, who’s lying in wait in there with a knife, or the plumbing’s backed up and the toilets smell very, very bad.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/12/17

As you all know, I normally choose to think as little as possible about the decade-wide Funkyverse chrono-disconnect between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, but I have to admit that I’m intrigued by Becky’s passing reference to “tear[ing] down the old bus garage” mere days in real time (and ten years in Funkyverse time) after the Crankshaft gang ruminated over the possibility that they’d be replaced by robots. I certainly hope they did get replaced by robots, and that moreover Crankshaft’s pension was docked so the school district could afford to buy the lubricant the robots need to function at peak efficiency.

Hi and Lois, 5/12/17

Peter Parker? No nipples. Dagwood Bumstead and Mark Trail? No nipples. Congratulations to Chip Flagston, the daily comics’ first benipplèd man!