Archive: Judge Parker

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Judge Parker, 6/22/2008

Well, speak of the devil and he appears! The distinguished-looking gentleman in panels two and five is the Honorable Alan Parker, Judge of the mumble mumble Court of mumble mumble in Parkerville, ST. He’s in the (endless) process of retiring, and when we last saw him — on November 28, 2006 — he was helping his son, Randy “Work it like a claw” Parker, campaign for his seat on the bench.

As early as the 1960’s, the Judge had grown too respectable to be involved in any kind of action — rough-and-tumble P.I. Sam Driver took care of that end of the business. Now similarly neutered, Sam patronizes his secretary, ignores the advances of beautiful women, and passes the action torch to Steve Shannon.

This happens all the time in serial strips:

  • Funky Winkerbean‘s Harry Dinkle is promoted, gets a performing arts center named after himself, and lands a sinecure to help him out in retirement. You can practically hear the choirs sing when he descends to offer Stumpy some sage advice
  • Steve Roper and Mike Nomad kicked Steve upstairs and gave Mike all the wet work
  • For Better or For Worse canonizes every Patterson family member or friend over the age of 21 (sorry, April). Mike and his pals Gordon and Weeder are absurdly successful based on no talent or work we ever get to see
  • Rex Morgan, MD‘s Rex and June just drive around, chat, and witness other folks’ adventures
  • Why do authors build strong characters over years, only to turn them to plaster saints? Thank heaven Dick Tracy still keeps his hand in the game.

    Flash Gordon 6/22/2008

    Zonino! Who knew this was still being published? And with a special guest appearance by King Features superstar Mary Worth in the first two panels!

    — Uncle Lumpy

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    Daily continuity strips have to fiddle with time to tell their stories. And anybody with an idle hour, a links page or utility and a refreshing beverage can figure out how they manage it. Let’s give it a go!

    Judge Parker, 6/19/2008

    It’s morning in Judge Parker! This strip moves so slowly, characters could sit on the porch and watch continents drift by. Here’s the chronology since the last appearance of the Esteemed Eponym himself — on November 28, 2006:

    1/1/2007 — Goodbye, Abbey and Neddy!
    2/5/2007 — Off to school, Neddy!
    6/18/2007 — Off to California, Sophie and Sam!
    8/6/2007 — Mornin’, Trudi!
    10/29/2007 — ‘Bye, Rusty!
    1/7/2008 — Mornin’ Abbey!
    3/24/2008 — Off to work, Steve!
    6/16/2008 — Elvira in the news!

    Did I miss any? Let me know at bio@jfruh.com. At a little over two months per day, those evenings with Abbey (or Trudi, or Rusty, or — God help us — Rachel) come waaaaay too far apart — but they last a good long time. Not that any of that makes the slightest difference to Sam.

    Mary Worth, 7/5/2006

    To measure glaciers’ progress, climatologists poke sticks in them, then return to see a pile of wet sticks on the ground. how far they’ve moved. But to meter the agonizing peristalsis of Mary Worth, we must employ prunes.

    Above, Mary prunes in a scene of regularity and contentment. Her life is as it has always been: quiet, refined, her presumptuous intrusions into the lives of others unchallenged, out of her victims’ stark terror. A new conquest waits in the shadows, but like a spider she bides her time.

    Mary Worth, 6/19/2008

    Less than two years later, as a second prune struggles its way to the light, so much has changed. As evidenced by her distress in the right panel, Mary’s life has become irregular, pinched, beset with ructions! Her disastrous rejection of Aldo’s simple affection, her meddling outshone by Ella Byrd’s clairvoyance, her contributions reduced to improving the lot of stray dogs, the public humiliation of her long-time partner — Mary’s life is falling apart. She stands at the brink, and only the tissue of her self-deception keeps her from the abyss.

    Karen Moy! Give her a nudge, won’t you? Just a little one? For us? We love you, you know! And we’re quite sure you’ll feel much better afterwards!

    Funky Winkerbean, 6/19/2008

    OK, Tom Batiuk’s time management skills lead this pack. He slow-paces a set of characters (high-schoolers, young adults) until he outgrows them, then “leaps” — or rather, sheds the time discrepancy that’s built up. Except that this most recent leap has been a muddle — characters age inconsistently, and sad-sack author-proxy Les, here, seems hell-bent on living in multiple pasts: his nightmare adolescence, his absurdly, hilariously tragic marriage. Get it together, pal — one more leap and you’re Crankshaft.

    For Better or For Worse, 6/19/2008

    I throw up my hands (and oh, so much else) trying to figure out what this strip is trying to do. Last year, they announced and then utterly botched a “freeze” (sort of the antithesis of Batiuk’s leaps). This year, they’re mixing messages about hybrids, weddings, August, September. I would stop paying attention except for the nagging suspicion that despite the near-undetectable pulse of this strip, it’s going to outlive us all.

    Maman, may I have my cup of tea now? And one of those little shell cookies? S’il-vous plaît?

    — Uncle Lumpy

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    Everybody nags writers, “Show, don’t tell.” But when the showing fails and the deadline draws nigh, telling will have to do.

    Judge Parker, 6/16/2008

    For days, we’ve been speculating, “Terrorist plot or drug bust — which will appear in the newspaper?” The answer? Not this strip, if you keep this up. And hey — the maid gets
    the inside seat in the breakfast nook? How does that work?

    Mary Worth, 6/16/2008

    Here’s another newspaper comic about what appears in a newspaper. But don’t worry — the narration box helpfully explains that the newspaper photo is misleading. Taking Mary’s side, of course.

    The Phantom, 6/16/2008

    Ignoring the convenient ladder, the Ghost-Who-Showboats speculates about how awesome his awesome feat will look when it appears in print. As though anybody’s going to look past the first panel.

    Spider-Man, 6/16/2008

    Spidey’s narration box is as baffled as we are. And perhaps as bored.

    Mark Trail, 6/16/2008

    The second panel’s giant tortoise is rendered mute. Cramming his gullet with peyote — or is it deadly nightshade? — he prays only that his release, or the end, will be quick.

    — Uncle Lumpy