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So I slacked off the whole weekend, going off “having fun” and “enjoying myself” instead of posting comics for your amusement. O the shame! And during such a wacky weekend for the serials, too. Here’s a quick recap, one panel at a time:

Tommie and Lu Ann showed off their synchronized head bobbling.

“Brick” House showed off his vocabulary.

Mimi let her cloaking device briefly disengage and showed off the steel hair and terrifying, alien visage that keeps her EON minions in line.

Dr. Jeff showed off his mastery of platitudes.

And Spider-Man showed off … well, I’m not really comfortable talking about what Spider-Man showed off.

Meanwhile, in da hood…

Curtis, 10/17/05

Holy cow, Curtis is getting interesting! First it gets rid of one side of the comics’ least interesting love triangle, then it takes on gun-fueled school violence! No doubt by the time you read this you’ll know who’s holding that gun, but right now I’m on tenterhooks. Is it Chutney? Gunk? Barry? Or just another kid who listened to a little too much “Fortyounce” or “Bullet-Wound,” which is going to result in a Valuable Lesson About Media Violence?

Oh, and speaking of boring love triangles and violence:

Luann, 10/17/05

Yeah, just visiting a pal … in the back seat of his moving car! Seriously, did Dirk just materialize behind Brad completely unbidden and announced? Am I missing something here? Is the Dirk storyline going to be resolved in the only way that will make it all worthwhile: with the revelation that “Dirk” is a figment of Brad’s imagination, a representation of his untrammeled, unrepressed id combined with his repressed homoerotic fantasies? A guy can dream, can’t he?

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Luann, 4/22/05

Like, oh my God, Luann’s going to do the high school drama storyline that never ever fails to entertain: one person, one dance, two dates! I’m sure we have several weeks of stressful wackiness in store as Gunther tries to figure out how to say no to either Luann or Bernice (who asked him yesterday, for those not following along), possibly living in fear and panic until the night of the dance itself, when the monstrousness of his deception becomes apparent and both young women, their faith in their fellow humans tragically abused, discover Gunther’s two-timing and stalk off, enraged, with none of the three ever talking to any of the others ever again. Oh, the hilarity!

For the record, as a high school student my social situation bore a passing resemblance to Gunther’s, and for me the scenario played itself out a little differently. First, I wouldn’t ask anyone out because I was too terrified. Then, nobody would ask me out because they didn’t like me or (more likely) didn’t know I existed. Finally, the night of the dance, I would stay home and read Isaac Asimov novels or watch Perfect Strangers on TV. The end.

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An embarrassment of riches in today’s funny pages! I present to you five one-panel short takes.

From Luann, 4/18/05

I dare you to use the phrase “She’s a honey … but you’re sugar” in conversation with someone with whom you’re trying to ingratiate yourself romantically. I dare you.

From Apartment 3-G, 4/18/05

And by “she,” I’m pretty sure she means Margo. “Seriously, I can’t believe they let you in. What are you doing here?”

From Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18/05

“Why weren’t you invited? Because Buck likes men, June. Real men with cleft chins and tight jeans and thick coats of forearm hair. Now you make sure that thumbsucker is out of my sight and my breakfast is ready by the time I’m back from the tent-pitching, you hear?”

From Mary Worth, 4/18/05

Be careful what you wish for: after three weeks of Mary filing patient reports, you will beg to see Anna and Brian quoting Richard Bach at one another again.

From B.C., 4/18/05

No, but seriously: what the f— oh, why do I even bother?