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Beetle Bailey, 2/12/17

I think anyone reading this blog at this point is pretty aware that daily strips are colored for online publication by syndicate hired hands (with sometimes hilarious results) while Sunday strips are colored by the actual artists. Beetle Bailey, though, has a problem that dates back to print: Miss Buxley’s dress has always been colored solid black in the dailies, leaving us with the canonical image of her coming to work every day in a classic little black cocktail dress. It’s only during her occasional Sunday appearances that we learn that her dress is actually supposed to be red. Red! Really shifts the whole vibe, doesn’t it? Unless we’re meant to believe that she usually wears black but has put on red today because it’s “casual Friday.” Honestly, it’s kind of odd that Miss Buxley doesn’t have a separate date outfit that she’s changed into after she came home from work. It’s also kind of odd that Beetle and General Halftrack are wearing their uniforms off duty, though since the strip’s military is stuck in a Korean War-era mode I guess that’s not terribly surprising. The general at least changed up his facial expression, from workplace wistfulness to date night suicidal despair!

Mark Trail, 2/12/17

Hey, kids, did you know that there’s more to nature than just alive things? Did you know that there are also … rocks? Some of those rocks are pretty! Some of those pretty rocks are right in the ground! Some of the people who own the ground will let you dig for the pretty rocks! Go ahead, rent a front loader and just start digging! The ground owner won’t mind, probably!

Mary Worth, 2/12/17

IT’S NOT TOO LATE IRIS

YOU HAVEN’T COMMITTED TO ANYTHING YET

IT’S NOT TOO LAAAAAAAAATE

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Mark Trail, 1/30/17

Last week’s Mark Trails were a between-stories palate cleanser that depicted a noble woodland creature (a bear) in search of a meal, which I didn’t post here because they were kinda dull. Today’s Mark Trails is about another noble woodland creature (Mark Trail) in search of a meal, which he’s having handed to him in a huge, steaming stack, and I’m posting it here because it’s amazing. That pile of flapjacks is hypnotic, and it’s totally worth violating the 180-degree rule between panels one and two to keep them in the same spot in the frame, focusing our attention on them and emphasizing the fact that nobody in the room can take their eyes off their pancakey deliciousness.

Meanwhile, Rusty wants us to know that he enjoys pancakes too. Tough shit, Rusty! Did you narrowly escape an exploding island anytime recently? No? Then how about you sit there in blessed silence and let Mark methodically and manfully devour that entire heap of griddled delight in peace.

Mary Worth, 1/30/17

Hey, remember when someone wrote into “Ask Wendy” with a professional dilemma that blatantly mirrored the Iris-Zak-Wilbur triangle? Mary told the questioner they should make a list of pros and cons for each of their options. Well, looks like that didn’t work! Looks like Mary’s whole professional advice-giving style is bullshit. Looks like Wilbur’s gonna have to come back from Antarctica and CLAIM WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY HIS, by which I mean his advice column, but probably Iris will end up back with him too because this strip always makes a list pros and cons for every potential narrative resolution and inevitably settles on the least interesting option.

Pluggers, 1/30/17

Usually when Pluggers presents a plugger’s version of some common phrase, it’s supposed to be a simpler, down-home alternative to some fancy pants elitist institution. But the “discount double-check” is a service offered by State Farm to its car insurance customers and advertised in heavy rotation during NFL games, so this cartoon is … confusing? Do pluggers not use car insurance, because only a bad person would have a car accident, probably because they’re listening to rap music? Or does State Farm cater to effete city dwellers? It’s got “farm” right in the name, darn it!

Dennis the Menace, 1/30/17

I mean, I guess that’s what they call it when you try to leave the Cheesecake Factory without paying and sprain your elbow as security wrestles you to the ground!

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Six Chix, 1/20/17

Are you interested in making an Uber joke and a lawyer joke, but aren’t too familiar with terminology pertaining to either? Here are some handy tips:

• Uber has a service called “Uber Pool” where you pay less but your driver will pick up and drop off other passengers en route. Might be good for a joke where you get more people than you expected!
• The collective noun for a group of lawyers is a “firm,” not a “horde.” The idea of a horde of lawyers might be funny if that were your main joke and you weren’t trying to wedge it into an entirely unrelated joke about Uber.

I thank you for your time.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/20/17

I was about to complain about projecting human body dysmorphic self-loathing onto animals, but then I saw the hearts above that pig’s head in panel two and realized we had much bigger things to worry about here.

Mark Trail, 1/20/17

NOOOO, MARK DON’T READ THE COMMENTS