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B.C., 9/13/06

I can no longer get worked up about the fact that B.C. makes jokes about semi-obscure aspects of golf culture as if everyone’s going to get it, or the fact that said jokes aren’t funny even for those who know what the strip’s referring to. However, I do have to object to this strip being based around not just a lame-ass joke, but the totally incorrect genre of lame-ass joke. The fact that whatshisname and, uh, the other one are standing around the “Show Me” rock means that this ought to be an example of the strip’s patented non-hilarious “Show Me” joke, where the cavedude on the left starts a sentence with “Show me” and the cavedude on the right comes up with a pithy and supposedly witty response. (Actual non-hilarious example from 1990 that I found online: “Show me a girl who curls up with a good novel every night…” “…and I’ll show you a broad who lives in a bookmobile.”) This strip may provide evidence for one of my darker suspicions: that Johnny Hart has dozens of predrawn “Show Me” strips (and, presumably, “You Know” strips and “Wiley’s Dictionary” strips) just waiting for the dialogue to be filled in, and today he was so worked up about rude golf spectators that he just sort of forgot that he was supposed to do a “Show Me” joke.

The saddest part is that this bit could actually have been done as a legitimate “Show Me” strip: “Show me a golf tournament where they shout ‘You the man!’…” “…and I’ll show you a golf tournament that sells tickets to morons, too.” It does some violence to the joke and isn’t very funny, but hey, this is B.C.

Mark Trail, 9/13/06

Boy, when this Mark Trail storyline got started, it seemed like it was going to be about poaching. Three months ago, who could have predicted that it would climax with an angry mob led by a sinister chicken-kicking beekeeper attempting to kill a lovable, confused tame bear who almost killed her owner by french-kissing him while he was driving? How do they come up with these twists and turns for the plot? I bet it helps to be totally insane.

For Better Or For Worse, 9/13/06

Yesterday we learned that when Anthony thinks sexy thoughts about Liz, Liz looks sexy. Today we learn that when Liz thinks sexy thoughts about Anthony, Liz looks sexy. Presumably this imbalance exists because it’s not possible for Anthony to look sexy.

Pluggers, 9/13/06

You’re a plugger when your prescriptions cost more than your groceries, but every time anyone tries to discuss some kind of socialized medicine program, you start ranting about “God damn liberal commie Hillary-care.”

Apartment 3-G, 9/13/06

And that was the day that Tommie decided for sure that she liked girls better.

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Mark Trail, 9/10/06

I have to wonder how bona fide hero Dennis Stazer felt after hearing that he was the recipient of a “Mark Trail award.” My guess: Confused. Very, very confused. I’m betting that Mark Trail readers make up a relatively small portion of the population, and so most of the ten recipients so far have probably been pretty baffled by it. I’m tempted to spend all my time listening to NOAA radio so that I can rescue people, and thus the next award will go to someone who really appreciates it.

Or is that exactly what the NOAA wants?

On the plus side for Dennis, I’m guessing he’s the one being depicted in the bottom left panel as a calm, blond-haired, muscle-bound superman, and not as a dark-haired fleeing coward. Speaking of cowards, that puppy seems pretty terrified by the radio noise, while the bear in the second panel is regarding that tornado more with annoyance than anything else.

I’d post more comics tonight, people, but it’s my first wedding anniversary, and I’m going to go eat frozen wedding cake with my lovely wife instead. The fact that I’m posting comics at all may be sort of a problem.

Mmmm… frozen wedding cake.

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For Better Or For Worse, 9/5/06

I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of time to discuss at great length Liz’s sanctimoniousness (faithful commentor fillmoreeast memorably referred to her as the “White Guilt Fairy”). For now, I’d just to point out that she’s awfully smug for someone who appears to have fallen under the spell of technology-assisted learning pretty much instantly. “All right kids, I’m going ask you a single question, which won’t require any kind of creative or analytical thinking on your part, before I turn on the TV. Now watch this damn tape about … I dunno … the environment or some crap. And watch it quietly. Just because I have my head down on my desk doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.”

By the way, Liz, Canada’s longest river is the Mackenzie, which for its entire length flows through … the Northwest Territories. Thus, it crosses no provinces at all. I learned this the old-fashioned way: on the Internet.

Judge Parker, 9/5/06

Oh my God, Raju, don’t wait for the clothes — you’re clearly irresistible to somebody. Look at the way she’s staring soulfully into your eyes! Kiss her, you fool, before the moment’s gone!

I’ve always been too distracted by the fright-wig craziness going on at the top of Abbey’s head to really notice the long, luxurious locks cascading down the back. She may be the wealthiest woman in America sporting a Manic Panic she-mullet.

Mark Trail, 9/5/06

Honestly, we’ve learned this already, But Molly the bear really needs to learn to express affection in some way other than french kissing. Here, she runs afoul of the moose-kangaroo hybrids that have escaped their secret government breeding compounds and are ranging free in Lost Forest.

Marmaduke, 9/5/06

There is entirely too much ass in today’s Marmaduke.