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Mark Trail, 9/10/06

I have to wonder how bona fide hero Dennis Stazer felt after hearing that he was the recipient of a “Mark Trail award.” My guess: Confused. Very, very confused. I’m betting that Mark Trail readers make up a relatively small portion of the population, and so most of the ten recipients so far have probably been pretty baffled by it. I’m tempted to spend all my time listening to NOAA radio so that I can rescue people, and thus the next award will go to someone who really appreciates it.

Or is that exactly what the NOAA wants?

On the plus side for Dennis, I’m guessing he’s the one being depicted in the bottom left panel as a calm, blond-haired, muscle-bound superman, and not as a dark-haired fleeing coward. Speaking of cowards, that puppy seems pretty terrified by the radio noise, while the bear in the second panel is regarding that tornado more with annoyance than anything else.

I’d post more comics tonight, people, but it’s my first wedding anniversary, and I’m going to go eat frozen wedding cake with my lovely wife instead. The fact that I’m posting comics at all may be sort of a problem.

Mmmm… frozen wedding cake.

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For Better Or For Worse, 9/5/06

I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of time to discuss at great length Liz’s sanctimoniousness (faithful commentor fillmoreeast memorably referred to her as the “White Guilt Fairy”). For now, I’d just to point out that she’s awfully smug for someone who appears to have fallen under the spell of technology-assisted learning pretty much instantly. “All right kids, I’m going ask you a single question, which won’t require any kind of creative or analytical thinking on your part, before I turn on the TV. Now watch this damn tape about … I dunno … the environment or some crap. And watch it quietly. Just because I have my head down on my desk doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.”

By the way, Liz, Canada’s longest river is the Mackenzie, which for its entire length flows through … the Northwest Territories. Thus, it crosses no provinces at all. I learned this the old-fashioned way: on the Internet.

Judge Parker, 9/5/06

Oh my God, Raju, don’t wait for the clothes — you’re clearly irresistible to somebody. Look at the way she’s staring soulfully into your eyes! Kiss her, you fool, before the moment’s gone!

I’ve always been too distracted by the fright-wig craziness going on at the top of Abbey’s head to really notice the long, luxurious locks cascading down the back. She may be the wealthiest woman in America sporting a Manic Panic she-mullet.

Mark Trail, 9/5/06

Honestly, we’ve learned this already, But Molly the bear really needs to learn to express affection in some way other than french kissing. Here, she runs afoul of the moose-kangaroo hybrids that have escaped their secret government breeding compounds and are ranging free in Lost Forest.

Marmaduke, 9/5/06

There is entirely too much ass in today’s Marmaduke.

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Mary Worth, 8/22/06

So the truth is revealed! Aldo isn’t a murderer — he’s just a sad, neglectful drunk. At least the booze might go a little way towards explaining his otherwise inexplicable lust for Mary.

Mark Trail, 8/22-3/06

So now we know what heartless mustachioed fiend is set to menace lovable Molly the bear: this bee-loving cad! Normally, his obsession with his insect friends would make him an animal lover and thus a good guy in the world of Mark Trail, but his senseless chicken-kicking in panel two of today’s strip indicates that his apiphilia has driven him so deranged that he would do anything — even senselessly murder a lovable, kissy-faced trained bear — to protect his precious, precious hives. Clearly, he needs a good solid Trailian punch to the jaw to set him straight.

I like the fact that our omniscient narrator lets us know that Molly doesn’t know what to do for more probably-dead Buck. What do you want from her? She’s not a trained medical professional. Also, she’s a GODDAMNED BEAR.

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/06

Dennis: Growing less menacing by the day.