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Marmaduke, 5/23/08

Laughing at Momma was bad enough, but when I laughed at today’s Marmaduke, I knew that I should see a doctor. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don’t really care for coffee, but would love a piping hot cup of gravy; or maybe it’s the fact that Marmaduke and his female owner look so chipper, while the bipedal man of the house looks like he spent the previous evening unconscious in a gutter after being viciously beaten.

Dennis the Menace, 5/23/08

If Joey and Dennis turn to cannibalism, it could make up for many, many years of non-menacing, I tell you what.

For Better Or Worse, 5/23/08

“Isn’t it nice to see guys express their physical love for one another, so they won’t bother us with their disgusting urges?”

Pluggers, 5/23/08

Hey, pluggers! If you spent a little time thinking about your appearance, maybe someone might want to have sex with you! Just a suggestion.

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Gil Thorp, 4/14/08

Gil Thorp is wading into the controversial topic of illegal immigration in typically baffling style. I’m not quite sure what Whitey McButtchin is getting at. Is our avuncular Rotarian saying that immigrants should follow Vargas’s legal path to US residency? That the 1986 amnesty allowed Armando and other illegal immigrants from his generation to become integrated members of U.S. society? That the Rotary Club should be given control of America’s borders? Whatever it is, Gil looks pissed, possibly because the mention of a Spanish surname prompted unsolicited commentary on immigration policy from his seatmate, but more likely because he’s bored and hungry. “Oh yeah, this is why I don’t take an interest in my students’ lives,” he reminds himself.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/14/08

Snuffy Smith today also ventures into political territory, with the Patriot Act and other domestic spying programs finally proving too much for the backwoods libertarian. His anger is largely academic, as his proud decision to live “off the grid” in Hootin’ Holler largely shields him from the prying high-tech eyes of the NSA; this is a strategy that already has served him well in his long-standing attempts to avoid paying excise tax to the revenuers on his corn likker. The parson, however, casts his gaze upwards and subtly reminds him of Yahweh, the Ultimate Spy, whose omniscience takes in all of our deeds and even thoughts; this causes Snuffy’s hat to vibrate in a righteous fear of the LORD.

Apartment 3-G, 4/14/08

My guess is that Lu Ann’s smirk in panel three indicates her joy in hearing about people who are even dumber than she is. But it could just be some kind of facial spasm caused by the aftereffects of the brain damage.

Marmaduke, 4/14/08

Marmaduke allowed himself a brief moment of introspection and even remorse before he began devouring the old man in earnest.

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Hi and Lois, 4/4/08

Hi and Lois is the last strip you’d expect to see bucking any sort of comic convention or cliche. But usually when a comic strip mom discusses the withering of the last few social institutions that keep high school from becoming a nonstop orgy, they usually look worried or upset, not like they’ve just taken a large hit of Ecstasy, as Lois does in the first two panels of this strip. Maybe in that way that moms “just want you to be happy,” she’s pleased to know that Chip is experiencing as much sexual pleasure as possible without any of that buzkilling emotional attachment, just like she does with half the neighborhood. Of course, no matter how enthusiastic she is about her son’s slutting it up, she still shows the appropriate amount of outrage over the terrible, terrible “punchline” of the strip.

(Unrelated, but: in panel two, Lois appears to have freckles. Did she always have freckles? Or are they a sign of the new, freaky Lois?)

Luann, 4/4/08

Say what you will about TJ, but the boy never stops thinking strategically. While most guys would have been satisfied to let their roommate rest on his laurels and share some tales of triumph (“A definite, meaningful kiss.” “And that definitely means…?” “Tongue, dude!”), TJ is already plotting to make sure his friend gets to the next level. Brad will touch a boob by 2009 if TJ has anything to say about it!

Marmaduke, 4/4/08

I’m not sure why Marmaduke’s owner is so desperate to believe that he didn’t just come from the museum. If that were the case, at least the original owner of that enormous bone would have already been dead by the time Marmaduke found it. The other possibility is that there’s a freshly killed and dismembered rhino somewhere nearby, probably on her front lawn.

Ballard Street, 4/4/08

Striker may be a whore, but by God he’s not a cheap whore.

Pluggers, 4/4/08

Pluggers know that you have to be ever-vigilant if you want to make sure that nobody leaves the compound.