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Mary Worth, 1/19/25

“Josh,” you’re probably wondering, “how can this storyline about Dawn’s relationship with her new emotionally volatile bully of a boyfriend get any more off-putting?” Well, what if we dragged in her emotionally manipulative creep of an ex, Jared, for good measure? Really loving his thought balloon here: in the Girl Race he and Dirk have cooked up, he’s cheering for his champion the Right Way, while Dirk’s technique is gauche and over the top. Does this presage worse things to come? He’ll hold his counsel, for now.

Dick Tracy, 1/19/25

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on how things have been going in Dick Tracy over the past few months, but it turns out that the storyline that appeared to be about some construction industry corruption has ended in … Nazis! Nazis, and the Nazi-curious grandchildren of Nazis, the latter of which are assuming important roles in American business and industry. Dick thought he had defeated the Nazi menace by selling war bonds, but clearly that wasn’t enough.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/19/25

Personally, if I were one of a host of resentful vassals of a rich and powerful duke, I would simply rise up with my fellows and plunder his castle myself. Accepting token bribes from some outside raiders to look the other way so that they could go and seize the duke’s wealth seems like an overly complicated transaction that quite frankly doesn’t adequately reward me and my comrades for our crucial role in how things play out.

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Dennis the Menace, 1/14/25

Now, look, today I’m not really interested in litigating whether this is wildly non-menacing (“Aww, I need to show all the parts of my body that they’re loved, just like my parents show me they love me”) or quite menacing, actually (“If I train my body to accept arbitrary stimulus as the equivalent to human affection, eventually I will have no need for emotional contact with others”). No, I want to focus on Joey’s jaunty body language as he slurps refreshing water through his straw and watches Dennis put on socks. “Wow, so they go between your skin and your shoes, huh? I could see that having a number of positive impacts on the overall foot experience.” I’ve had my issues in the past with strip colorists so I gotta give props to whoever correctly figured out what was going on here and made sure Joey’s ankles were flesh-colored, as this is clearly the first he’s hearing about socks.

Mary Worth, 1/14/25

Mary Worth has delivered any number of outrageous and delightful word-sequences over the years, and though it’s not as flashy as some, I immediately believe that “My parents were successful pharmacists” is up there on this list. Who could’ve imagined that this town’s two top pharmacists, respected by their peers and earning a fine salary, possibly working as a team or maybe each with their own pharmacy to better provide prescription drugs and related goods and services across the region, would get divorced? And why would they do it? Probably because their son’s a huge asshole, is my guess.

Zits, 1/14/25

I haven’t always been on board with the realism of the depiction of teen behavior in this strip, but teens are fairly notoriously terrible kissers, so I’m going to have to hand it Zits for this one.

Six Chix, 1/14/25

What better way to establish how chaotic 2025 will be than choosing to “start the year” a full two weeks into January? Six Chix is doing it exactly right, something I don’t say lightly.

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Judge Parker, 1/13/25

A comics tic meant to telegraph character emotional state that I always find a little odd is when they rub the back of their neck in embarrassment, as Sam is doing in panel two here. I get that they have to do these somewhat exaggerated act-outs to convey what’s happening, but I’m a little puzzled as to what he’s embarrassed about, exactly. “Sorry I just assume you don’t follow my advice or the law”? “Sorry I’m about to accuse your family members of complicity in various crimes”? “Sorry I forgot to tell you that the police have established a 24/7 perimeter around the town because they’re obsessed with capturing your daughter specifically, or maybe because we just live in a panopticon dictatorship now, but either way you should be a lot more subtle with your criming”?

Mary Worth, 1/13/25

“Once, a long time ago, I saw my parents. But then they put a blanket between me and them, which caused them to vanish from the universe. But then the blanket moved, and I could see them again, which meant they existed again. It was very scary and terrifying to me! How could they just blink in and out of existence like that? Am I supposed to believe that they’re sometimes still there, even when I’m not looking at them? That’s insane! If something exists, I should be able to see it! It makes me furious! So you see why I was so mad when your glasses just came out of nowhere and appeared on your face? It made no sense to me, to the protagonist of reality!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/13/25

“I just kind of assumed I hated my daughter! But she finally left and now I feel terrible! Is it possible that I … like her, somehow?”