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Mary Worth, 8/10/22

A relatively recent and welcome addition to the Mary Worth storytelling canon is the wacky dream sequence, in which the characters confront whatever their current dilemma is in a series of images that are simultaneously hallucinatory and extremely on the nose. Anyway, it’s already Wednesday, so we’d better get full week and half of whatever Weston chimera, half-Dawn and half-Wilbur, is going to be the horrified and horrifying subject of this next nightmare. Not sure if Dawn’s “AUGGGH!” is meant to indicate that we’re already in the dream and she’s beginning to experience the awful physical transformation into Wilburdom, or if it’s just because her lower GI tract is firing on all cylinders thanks to that chili.

The Lockhorns, 8/10/12

Absolutely loving the contrast between Loretta’s whimsical flotation device and her utterly dead facial expression here. Maybe she thought this would get Leroy’s goat more than it actually ended up doing, or maybe she thought they’d both have a little laugh about it. But you can tell that she realized it would just make her look dumb before Leroy even saw her. It was too late to change course, though. A Lockhorn always commits to the bit.

Hi and Lois, 8/10/22

“Ha ha, it’s funny because he’s a known alcoholic, and we’re using beer, the very thing to which he’s tragically addicted, to convince him to take care of our house! We’re drinking wine, because we’re sophisticates. Hey, have you seen the kids? Did we forget to bring them?”

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Beetle Bailey, 8/7/22

Say what you will about Beetle Bailey — and lord knows I’ve said a lot over the years — but it can be extremely comforting in its on-the-noseness. What does a nerd look like? Well, he looks like Plato, with glasses. And what does a girl nerd look like? She looks like Plato as well, with glasses, but also slightly longer hair and crudely drawn boobs. What to they do on a date? They talk about Kierkegaard, obviously. That guy was smart! That’s why the nerds respect him, because he was a nerd like they are! Do the nerds have sex, on this date? Absolutely not. How dare you suggest such a thing. How dare you. You’ll rile up our readers with such talk!

Mary Worth, 8/7/22

I think all of us have wondered at one time or another: what is our purpose in life? Well, it looks like Wilbur’s finally about to figure out why he’s been put on this Earth: to serve as a cautionary example for others. Or maybe he won’t figure it out, I dunno, he’s not very smart or self-reflective. Anyway, kudos to Dawn for realizing she’s a bad person, but I honestly could’ve done with at least four or five more panels of Wilbur rattling off cruel adjectives others have used to describe him before she had her epiphany.

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Dick Tracy, 8/5/22

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that Marina did end up throwing herself at Detective Tracy, sexually, but don’t worry: his sense of loyalty to his wife and revulsion at interplanetary miscegenation meant that he spurned her advances so he could do what actually turns him on: detective work wearing a hilariously pointless disguise. If I were one of only three or four humans in an underground Antarctic city, I might be less than confident that just covering my face was enough to ensure anonymity, especially since nobody with Lunarian antennae could properly wear that hood. I’m not the world’s greatest detective, though, so what do I know?

Hi and Lois, 8/5/22

I gotta say, as running gags go, “Chip and his friend in the sailor cap try to break out of their suffocating risk-free suburban lifestyle but have no real idea how to do it” isn’t the worst that Hi and Lois can do. Certainly better than “Trixie thinks she’s friends with the sun” or “Dot and Ditto just aren’t very smart” or the other usual fare we get here.

Mary Worth, 8/5/22

“So I get my full appearance fee? Even if I just appear in a thought balloon? Well, I guess that’s OK then”: What I’m assuming Iris said to Mary Worth management, based on her facial expression here.