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Family Circus, 2/28/21

I think I speak for literally everyone when I say that I assumed that the Keane household was a strictly G-rated content zone, so I’m as surprised as you are to see Jeffy being menaced by some fairly terrifying characters in his dreamscape today. I’m particularly intrigued by his little smile as he imagines the alien from Alien, slobbering acid all over the place. Does Jeffy dream of his little egg-shaped body becoming a real egg for something monstrous, something that will burst out his soft, tiny form and tear his whole family to pieces — especially his hated sister? We need only look to the finale image for answers.

Crankshaft, 2/28/21

As metaphors for general brain fuzziness go, I thought “desperately running up and down a flight of stairs to stave off a flood” was pretty grim, but that was before I got to “sinister ‘big government’ will DENY YOU ACCESS TO YOUR OWN MIND,” so, yikes.

Mary Worth, 2/28/21

Saul, Eve … I hate to break this to you, but … Greta has literally no idea what is going on. She’s not looking for Max at all. 100% of what is going through her tiny purebred mind right now is “WHEEEEEEEEEE”

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Mary Worth, 2/25/21

Yeah, Saul, your life sure is a roller-coaster, isn’t it? You know, it’s always something! Either Mary’s coming by to force some horrible leftovers on you, or, uh, well, that’s pretty much it, as you don’t really interact much with anyone else in your condo complex. Say, what do you think Eve’s up to? Oh, did her dog get scared by the thunder and run away, giving you an opportunity for much needed human interaction? That’s wonderf– I mean, that’s horrible! Horrible!

Crankshaft, 2/25/21

An earlier post on this blog predicted that Crankshaft, the title character of the comic strip Crankshaft, would serve the role of the “holy fool” in this plotline, judging an uncarved block of ice to be truly the most profound work of art of all. Instead, he will be playing the part of the “wise simpleton,” seeing through the bullshit that blinds the supposedly educated. We regret the error.

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Crankshaft, 2/22/21

So the current Crankshaft plot/running gag involves Crankshaft, who ruined the town ice sculpture contest last year by destroying the ice sculptures with his bus, being randomly selected to be a (the?) judge of this year’s ice sculpture contest. My prediction is that Crankshaft will fall in love with the stark simplicity of this uncarved cube, with hilarious malapropic results that will get readers thinking about the true meaning of “art.” Since the last time the Funkyverse took on the true meaning of art, it involved parents mad that the high school was putting on a cancer-themed play, this will come as a blessed relief.

Mary Worth, 2/22/21

Eve has panic attacks triggered by men’s suits and falling because her husband, who used to trip her deliberately, wore suits. Eve’s dog helps soothe her when she has these episodes … a dog that same husband shot. So who’s gonna soothe the dog, Eve? Who’s gonna soothe the dog?