Post Content

Mark Trail, 1/11/19

Oh, right, the human traffickers! We all remember the human traffickers, right? The ones … Mark encountered … and can remember instantly … shoot, you guys I don’t remember the human traffickers at all. Were they … were they part of this cave adventure? Anyway, you’d think Mark would be proud of these guys for working their way down the Ladder of Evil and only threatening cultural patrimony rather than live human beings, but in his Manichaean worldview, there are good people (who don’t get punched) and bad people (who do). At any rate, please enjoy Mark swelling up in righteous anger as he lays down the punchery, making every bit of his rippling physique extremely visible through is formerly loose-fitting shirt and jeans.

Mary Worth, 1/11/19

Ha ha, Mary is transparently not wondering about her friends at all, but is instead enjoying dinner alone and a book from the steamy Outlander series, presumably because she decided to stop thinking about Ian and instead seek out a story about a Scot who is an actually plausible object of erotic desire.

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 1/7/18

So obviously we all knew that this billboards thing would end up as an attack on Coach Thorp, but I don’t think we were prepared for how hilariously nonspecific the accusations would end up being. “Wait!” cried Robby, of the titular report dot com. “I just meant ‘save the kids from his half-assed coaching!’” But it was too late: just hours after the #pizzagate and #qanon crowds saw the billboard posted on Reddit, the doxxing swiftly followed, and the angry mob had burned down the Thorps’ house, Kelly’s travel agency, and, just be safe, Milford High itself.

Mary Worth, 1/7/18

“I’m just going to wear these black armbands to symbolize my mourning for the trust in our marriage that’s now dead! He’ll get the hint!”

Shoe, 1/7/18

“And it seemed weird at first, but, like, we’re birds who wear clothes, you know? I mean, I’m wearing clothes. You’re wearing a shirt and shoes but no pants for whatever reason. Who can really explain the world-building here, right? Anyway, this dog is my sister, I guess.”

Post Content

Gasoline Alley, 1/4/19

One of the slow-burn running gags (“gags”) in Gasoline Alley is that Rufus, who I would describe as a “comically moronic rustic,” is in love with Mayor Melba, who is also his boss. It’s funny because he’s a comical moron, and she’s the mayor! Except today we learn that Melba herself is not terribly bright, or at least has some fairly specific deficits when it comes to language processing. So she and Rufus can be together after all! Hooray! This is great news for all those Melbus shippers Ruba stans people out there who are rooting for Rufus and Melba to get together, a constituency I have faith actually exists,

Mary Worth, 1/4/19

“But I am worried, Mary! Worried that I’m going to have to develop feelings for him! Is this what it’s come to? That I can’t just be married to Ian, but I have to like him, too?”

Beetle Bailey, 1/4/19

Who could forget the classic 1997 film Air Bud, with its hilarious and memorable catchphrase, “Ain’t no rules says a dog can’t play basketball!” Well, what if, in the subsequent scenes, the characters discovered that while technically there isn’t a specific rule preventing dogs from playing basketball or other organized sports, there are a whole host of rules — about minimum ages, regulation uniforms, ball-handling techniques, and the like — that dogs by their very nature are incapable of satisfying? Wouldn’t that be … even funnier? Probably, says Beetle Bailey!