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Pluggers, 10/7/17

My first thought on reading this was basically “An app? For yard sales? What does this even mean?” I thought it was a variation on “pluggers don’t need GPS” or something like that. But then I did a little research (i.e., 30 seconds of Googling) and guess what? There are tons of yard sale apps out there, which show you all the sales in your area so you don’t have to drive around looking for signs taped to utility poles like a chump. And really, why wouldn’t you use them? What the hell is wrong with pluggers that they don’t? Do they not like being able to easily find the things they’re looking for? What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t go into today’s Pluggers expecting to emerge with my feelings of smug superiority over its downwardly mobile beast-people characters reaffirmed, but I’m not complaining that that’s how it all worked out!

Mary Worth, 10/7/17

“Hey, ma, have you considered Vicodin? Sure, it’ll numb you physically — but what you may not realize is that it’ll numb you emotionally as well!”

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/3/17

Oh, say, what’s going on with Les and his trilogy of graphic novels about his dead wife? Well, it seems he’s descended into cultish madness, seeing himself as the Prophet of some mysterious God (cancer?) and determined to lead his reader-flock to the land that God has promised them (death?). Jokes on everyone else, though, because we all know that Moses never made it to the promised land! Les will just be sitting by the River Jordan (the entrance to the oncology department?) watching everyone else pass through, and presumably writing maudlin comic books about them.

Family Circus, 10/3/17

There’s a lot of things to unpack here, but let’s just start with the fact that PJ is literally a baby and can hardly be said to have any “habits” to break. The more troubling truth is that the Keane Kompound has descended in anarchy and a neglected PJ is lashing violently out at everyone, even the religious leaders who have come to try to broker peace — and yet, due to a congenital family condition, Billy can only report this terrible state of affairs via cute wordplay.

Spider-Man, 10/3/17

“Old friend — get it? You’re thousands of years old and you’re going to crumble to dust soon! Ha ha! The friend part isn’t true, I actually don’t like you very much.”

Mary Worth, 10/3/17

Don’t listen to her Wilbur, give us every hot Latin detail, especially the sexual ones

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Mary Worth, 10/2/17

Hey, everybody! Remember when Wilbur left town for a year to go ask intrusive questions to disaster victims, for money, and Iris took it badly and told him they should “consider [them]selves single” while he was away and then she decided to “try new things” with a guy her son’s age, all the while loudly proclaiming to everyone within earshot that she and Wilbur were “on a break,” and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about Wilbur so she dumped Zak and they had a tearful goodbye and then like five minutes later she spotted Zak with some new age-appropriate woman so she sent Wilbur a large-font “u up?” email? Welllp, looks like Wilbur took her claims that they were on a break to heart and has a hot Colombian lover, possibly someone whose mountainside home was destroyed in a mudslide or something, leaving her financially and emotionally bereft and receptive to his doughy charms! Words cannot describe how much I’m looking forward to the next several weeks of total emotional chaos, which I certainly hope involve Iris and a similarly devastated Dawn consoling each other by going down to the Santa Royale boardwalk and getting increasingly drunk and sexually belligerent.

Marvin, 10/2/17

If you need any more proof about the strangeness of comic-strip timescales, imagine if you were a parent of a baby in a universe where the main joke for literally 35 years was about how much he likes to aggressively shit himself, and then you abruptly decide “Yeah, I can teach him to poop in a toilet in, what, a day? How hard can it be?” Anyway, remember how I said that words cannot describe how much I’m looking forward to this week’s Mary Worth,? Well, with Marvin it’s, like, the opposite of that.