Archive: Mary Worth

Post Content

Mary Worth, 2/2/16

Huh, Mary’s trip back east seems to be turning into some kind of “let’s revisit old favorites” victory lap. Fresh off of sexually humiliating old pal John Dill (not in the way that he’d prefer), Mary rekindles her old love of ice skating. Let’s not forget that back in 2008, after seeing her old figure skating pal Frank Griffin on TV, she abruptly dropped everything to fly to New York and watch him browbeat his daughter Lynn into skating better. Mary disagreed with Frank’s coaching techniques, because they were making his daughter sad, but it turned out she was actually sad because a boy she liked died and so Mary good-copped her back into competitive skating again and everything was fine (?). Anyway, I certainly hope that as Mary and Olive are out there skating around Rockefeller Plaza, they encounter a deranged Lynn Griffin, doing aimless twirls, still hearing her now-dead father’s enraged shouts in her ears. “This lady doesn’t need my help, does she?” thinks Olive. “Probably not. Probably best to not make eye contact.”

B.C., 2/2/16

One of the interesting things about living in Southern California is that all of the non-religious iconography around Christmas involves festive winter scenes, if by “winter” you mean “winter in the Northern U.S. or Europe.” So much fake snow in so many window displays! That’s considered “real” American winter, even though we’re the most populous state! Factor in the Southwest and Deep South and I wonder if there’s more Americans than not who don’t see white Christmases. Anyway, I’m glad to see B.C., of all strips, acknowledging our glorious diversity of winter climates.

Six Chix, 2/2/16

Here’s a comic about a fish who jumped out of the fishbowl and his friends watched him die in agony and now they’re trying to convince themselves they didn’t see what they just saw. I’m not sure what the “joke” is, per se? Maybe the joke is that anybody thinks there might some escape from the prisons that simultaneously hold us captive and keep us alive.

Post Content

Mark Trail, 1/26/16

Oh, hey, I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the non-nature-related soon-to-be-violence-inducing aspects of this bat plot in Mark Trail, but there are a couple of dodgy characters we’ve seen skulking around who are coyotes, not in the sense of Canis latrans, but in the metaphorical sense of criminals who smuggle migrants over the southern U.S. border. Anyway, Carina hasn’t had much to do in this plot yet but I’m happy to see her taking on the role of Person Who Tries And Fails To Deploy Metaphorical Language While Mark And Gabe Natter On About Nature Facts.

Mary Worth, 1/26/16

Sometimes I complain about Mary Worth plots dragging on, but I could literally watch Mary repeatedly shoot down John’s advances for weeks and weeks. “We have to make the most of what we’re given, John, especially when it comes to time spent in my radiance. You’ve been allowed to bathe in that sweet Worthian glow for several weeks of your life, more than billions of other unfortunate souls could ever hope for. Shouldn’t you be spending your time quietly contemplating how fortunate you’ve been?”

Pluggers, 1/26/16

Little bit about me: as I scrolled down the comics page, after I saw this panel but before I got to the caption, I muttered to myself, “Please let Gerald be her husband’s ex-boyfriend, please let Gerald be her husband’s ex-boyfriend.”

Post Content

Heathcliff, 1/25/16

I’ve lived in Los Angeles for a bit more than a year now, and so far my biggest celebrity sightings have been Sam Rockwell and Paul Dano, which pretty much matches my level, I think? My wife did have an extremely Los Angeles experience once, though, at a restaurant called Cafe Gratitude, which is a crunchy vegan restaurant where all the dishes are named things like “Confident” or “Dynamic” and when your server brings it to you they say “You are … confident.” (or whatever it is you ordered, you get it). Anyway, while dining at this joint Amber overheard the guy at the next table talking, and it turned out he was Kenny Loggins manager and maybe a little braggy about it. Did that guy make enough from licensing his client’s intellectual property to Heathcliff to afford more lunches at that pretentious restaurant? Maybe, maybe not. I frankly don’t think the joke was worth it.

Dennis the Menace, 1/25/16

Ugggh, Dennis, being pedantic about common turns of phrase isn’t so much “menacing” as “extremely tiresome,” and I think less of you for it.

Mary Worth, 1/25/16

Ahahahahha, I will never tire of seeing Mary Worth calmly sexually reject the men inexplicably besotted with her, in the comics! Ironically, of course. I enjoy seeing this happen on an ironic level. Definitely am not aroused by it, not even a little. Please do not capture me and have me studied by a team of expert sexologists.