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Dennis the Menace, 4/8/16

I’m really enjoying this young couple’s facial expressions as Dennis regales them with tales of his family’s casual and profitable lies. The woman seems flabbergasted, horrified to learn that the Mitchells have taught their child that it’s OK to speak untruths, as long as you can save a little money by doing so. The man, however, is steeped in ennui, as if this is totally in line with what he knows about the deceitful nature of humanity. “Mmm, the child doesn’t seem to even resist spinning this web of falsehoods, and why should he? People need to be taught to be good, and we as a society haven’t been teaching them very well for a very long time.”

Funky Winkerbean, 4/8/16

Cliff Anger’s name is very appropriate — not because of the cliffhangers that were the most prominent features of the Starbuck Jones serials in which he starred, but rather because he’s angry, so very, very angry, about a world that passed him by and the young people who now inhabit it. Fun! Anyway, I dearly hope those ellipses in his word balloon in the final panel represent significantly long pauses. “I … D … I know you know what’s coming next but you’re still gonna have to wait around for me to finish, you little fucks … L …”

Judge Parker, 4/8/16

Oh hey everybody, the non-old-people-sweatshop plot in Judge Parker just resolved itself off-panel, in case you were worried! Rocky! You gotta love that guy, if by “love” you mean “worry about him constantly, in ways that you may or may not be paid to do!”

Mary Worth, 4/8/16

Harlan Jones’s defense before the ethics board will be an intriguing one. “But I made sure to keep my conversation with the undergraduates extremely stilted and square! How could I have possibly known she’d find the phrase ‘This is an informal college atmosphere, and I’m an informal guy’ erotic?”

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Crock, 4/6/16

Ha ha, “downloading” is definitely a word related to computers in some way, and “the recycle bin” is definitely part of the desktop metaphor used in the popular Windows operating system! “Download that to the old recycle bin,” that’s what the kids say, when they’re surfing on their PCs and such. Hilarious! In other news, due to the inexorable march of mechanical efficiency, this domesticated camel is no longer needed by its human masters, and so it will be released into the wild to inepty fend for itself, or possibly just killed so its carcass can be processed for a number of industrial uses.

Judge Parker, 4/6/16

Speaking of the inexorable march of efficiency, I’m very excited to hear that Neddy’s half-baked plan to out-compete Chinese labor by extracting the last few useful labor-hours out of government-subsidized old people has now become a “movement.” And look in that gleam in Foster Chubb’s eyes! This is a man who thought he could grift the Spencer-Parkers with comically stagy wound dressings, so sure, he’s 100% on board with this “groundswell of support” that will somehow defeat basic economics.

Six Chix, 4/6/16

Definitely if I had died, and my immortal soul had been misplaced in some mysterious subvoid for an uncountable age, and then I was yanked out of that only to be shepherded into an even more unknowable afterlife, that’s the dazed, terrified expression I’d have on my face.

Hi and Lois, 4/6/16

Hey guys, uhhhhhh, it turns out Trixie can read? This has a number of unsettling implications that I’m reasonably sure aren’t going to be pursued.

Mary Worth, 4/6/16

“I mean, I could tell after one class that Harlan Jones doesn’t know jack shit about art history, and he still got a job here, so there must be something to it!”

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Mary Worth, 4/3/16

You know, I really quite enjoy Dawn Weston’s role as Mary Worth’s perennial sad sack. Every attempt to get her to improve her life either doesn’t stick or goes horribly awry. For instance, we’re only a few days into her attempt to shake off her funk by making a bolder personal effort, and already she’s on the verge of falling under the svengali-like sway of an art history teacher/yoga guru/“renaissance man.” I fully expect her to show up for an “intro yoga class” where it turns out the only other person there is this Thomas Dewey-lookin’ chump and he’s fully nude.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/3/16

This is definitely the most maritally bleak Hagar the Horrible ever produced, and considering this is a strip where the title character tries to cheat on his wife every few years, that’s really saying something.