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Panels from Apartment 3-G and Crankshaft, 5/21/09

Just as I am, in a larger sense, kind of in love with Margo, I’m also more specifically in love with her facial expression in this panel. She’s doing the head-bobble that A3G characters are contractually obligated to do when presented with surprising information, though you’ll notice that she’s upped the degree of difficulty by attempting an asymmetrical semi-bobble. But despite the bobble, her face still shows her mingled boredom and contempt. It’s as if she’s acknowledging the fact that she’s just now learning her parents have been making nice with each other behind her back, but she still wants to make it clear that this doesn’t change her opinion that love is dull and gross and so are they.

Meanwhile, the facial expressions in today’s Crankshaft would lead you to believe that you’re seeing the end game in a hate-filled, Lockhorns-style marriage of mutual emotional violence, in which one partner has finally managed to cross the line and say something completely unforgivable. You aren’t, though! They’re characters in Crankshaft, is all, so they just look like that all the time.

Marvin, 5/21/09

You know what’s a million times worse than Gil Thorp plots about YouTube? Marvin plots about YouTube.

You know what’s a million times worse than Marvin plots about YouTube? Marvin plots about YouTube that involve YouTube videos of Marvin running around with his penis flapping about.

Mary Worth, 5/21/09

“Certainly nobody whose father I knew years ago could possibly ever be a bad man! Here, take my daughter, and a list of her credit card and bank account numbers!”

Marmaduke, 5/21/09

“Also, someone in the house has a face that’s melting off the front of her skull!”

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Blondie and Archie, 5/19/09

Let us take a moment to appreciate some particularly hard-working comics characters: those that refuse to deny us the pleasures of a hilarious reaction shot even when they don’t appear in our field of view! For instance, in today’s Archie, the final panel chooses to linger in a loving close-up on Jughead’s face; the title character is forced to express his disgust with his friend’s aggressive ignorance by emitting Cathy-style sweatballs into the panel from the left. Meanwhile, Dagwood’s rage at being duped on pepperoni-related matters is so palpable that it radiates right through his front door; presumably he or the mailman closed said front door to avoid devastating the entire neighborhood with his terrible wrath.

Cathy, 5/19/09

Speaking of Cathy-style sweatballs, with “Your dog just puked in there” we add another shameful entry to the List Of Cathy Installments At Which Josh Has Laughed Non-Ironically.

Gil Thorp, 5/19/09

Oh, God, this Gil Thorp storyline won’t just be about Gil discovering YouTube; it will be about Gil discovering the Internet, in general, with the help of Coach Kaz, who’s long been using MySpace to lure 16-year-old girls into his custom-airbrushed Kaz-van. Anyway, this plot might be worth it if we get more close-up horrified reaction shots from Gil like the one in the final panel (I’m assuming that he’s stumbled upon the “For the ladies” album on Andrew Gregory’s Facebook account), but I will be very disappointed if Marty Moon’s Twitter account isn’t involved somehow (though I’ll be unsettled if it involves mine).

Mark Trail, 5/19/09

If you had to pick a member of the Trail household to feel sorry for, you’d probably pick Rusty (neglected, funny-looking, kind of dim), Cherry (neglected, sexually frustrated, only allowed to wear pink shirts), or maybe Andy (not neglected, especially when someone is needed to serve as bait). But what about Cherry’s father Doc? Being trapped in a remote forest compound with only Mark, Rusty, and someone dumb enough to marry Mark and adopt Rusty for company, you can see why he’d start to disengage from his environment and retreat into his private world. In today’s first panel, it’s obvious that he knows it would be socially inappropriate to just continue his dinner in silence, but he really hasn’t been following any of the last hour’s worth of conversation; since everyone seems generally pleased, he plays it safe. “Yes, it’s great that things happened … you know, the way they happened! Probably at least two of you here were responsible for that outcome!”

Soon, however, we learn why Doc is emerging from his shell: he needs Mark’s help with something! What could it be? Veterinarian Doc seems to be what passes for a health-care professional in rustic Lost Forest, but I dearly hope it isn’t medically related. “Mark, it’s about time for my colonoscopy! Doing it myself like I did last year was trickier than I thought, so I’d like you to hold the mirror this time around.”

Mary Worth, 5/19/09

A lot of commentors thought it was strange that Adrian is only thought-ballooning her intention to answer the doorbell, but is it really any stranger than her father talking loudly about her delicate emotional state right in front of her? A lot of commentors also thought that Adrian’s dress was hideous, but is it any worse than Dr. Jeff’s snappy one-orange-shoulder shirt? What I’m trying to say is that Mary Worth is a maelstrom of insanity, and there’s no point in trying to focus on individual elements and make them work in some sort of real-world context.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/19/09

Silly Herb! You can’t vacuum a mass grave!

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Mark Trail, 5/14/09

SURPRISE, everyone! It’s Mark Trail Plotline Payoff Day! Of course, the latest outbreak of violence in Mark Trail comes as a SURPRISE! to no one, as it’s how every single Mark Trail plot is resolved. But it is noteworthy that Mark is leading not with a fist to the jaw, but with with a shoulder to the groin. Is it possible that he’s actually become bored with punching people? Does he need to mix it up by causing pain to sideburned ne’er-do-wells with different parts of his body? Is that the only way he can keep himself interested in his work, and keep that magical feeling of how SURPRISingly wonderful life can be?

Something doesn’t seem quite right as Mark comes in low on Blueshirt McMoron. You’ll notice that, from the viewer’s perspective, Mark’s head is on our side of the baddie’s torso, but his elbows are between the dude’s various limbs, and he doesn’t seem to be leaning forward enough for that to be the case. It’s like some sort of optical illusion. Or, I guess, it’s like Mark is actually a pre-existing 2-D drawing that was dropped into the space and cropped somewhat inexpertly.

Also of note in this ruckus is the fact that Mark is shouting “NOW, ANDY!” after which Andy appears to do exactly nothing. Maybe he’s busy off-panel dragging Rusty away to safety, or taking the opportunity to take care of annoying pup Sassy by eating him.

Spider-Man, 5/14/09

I know that “continuity strips” (as they’re called in the biz) have to keep hammering even the basic elements of their plotlines home because even their most dedicated fans skip two days out of every five, but I think Peter’s last-panel thought balloon is a little much. “Hi, newspaper readers! Just wanted to let you know, in case you weren’t clued in by the title of the strip, that this feature isn’t just about some self-satisfied douchebag visiting his aunt in the hospital! It also showcases guys in tight spandex battling each other in dramatic lighting!”

I also think that the thought-balloon is a little self-serving. I don’t recall anything that exciting happening during their battle; I mostly remember the sandwich-eating.

Mary Worth, 5/14/09

Oh my God, the message of this Mary Worth plot really is going to be “Ladies are incapable of rational judgement and should have their potential romantic partners screened for them by their father, even when said ladies are medical professionals in their thirties, and even when said fathers think that Mary Worth makes a good romantic partner.”