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Mary Worth, 8/22/06

So the truth is revealed! Aldo isn’t a murderer — he’s just a sad, neglectful drunk. At least the booze might go a little way towards explaining his otherwise inexplicable lust for Mary.

Mark Trail, 8/22-3/06

So now we know what heartless mustachioed fiend is set to menace lovable Molly the bear: this bee-loving cad! Normally, his obsession with his insect friends would make him an animal lover and thus a good guy in the world of Mark Trail, but his senseless chicken-kicking in panel two of today’s strip indicates that his apiphilia has driven him so deranged that he would do anything — even senselessly murder a lovable, kissy-faced trained bear — to protect his precious, precious hives. Clearly, he needs a good solid Trailian punch to the jaw to set him straight.

I like the fact that our omniscient narrator lets us know that Molly doesn’t know what to do for more probably-dead Buck. What do you want from her? She’s not a trained medical professional. Also, she’s a GODDAMNED BEAR.

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/06

Dennis: Growing less menacing by the day.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/21/06

After the final panel: “But wait … I’m illiterate! NOOOOO!”

Mary Worth, 8/21/06

I have to say that interrobangin’ Mary’s facial expression in panel two is pretty puzzling to me. It almost looks like she’s pleased by Aldo’s insane confession. “Wait, you’re not just some run-of-the-mill pudgy obsessive who doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘no’? You’re actually a cold-blooded killer? Well, lead on, O Stalker Lad! I’ve always wanted to be turned into a table lamp.”

Folks, I will be on vacation for the rest of this week, but because fame is a voracious bitch-goddess, I will be doing my best to keep the site updated. Might not be every day, but I’ll give it a shot.

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Mary Worth, 8/20/06

When am I going to stop putting up Mary Worth every day, you might ask? Oh, right about the time it stops being so incredibly awesome. We’ve seen Mary P.O.’d before, but I think this is probably the first Mary Worth in the strip’s 70-year run that just features of panel after panel of entirely justified invective. Just seeing Mary say “capisce” would have been enough to allow me to die a happy man, but that’s just the beginning! AND STILL HE DOESN’T GET IT! I’m really looking forward to whatever it is Aldo has to show Mary that will assuage her fears. For Mary’s sake, I hope it’s not a scrapbook full of pictures of her with all the eyes carefully cut out. Or his genitals. HAND JIVING WON’T SAVE YOU, MARY WORTH.

This may be as good a time as any to note that Aldo appears to have a MySpace account. (WARNING: Loud, craptastic music plays when you open this page.)

Judge Parker, 8/20/06

Perhaps almost as awesome is the prospect Randy’s run for judge being derailed by a slanderous, homophobic whispering campaign. Will Randy call April out of CIA training and have her “work it like a claw” live on TV, proving his heterosexuality and thus his fitness for the bench? God, I love politics.