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Crock, 8/25/08

The joke in this comic almost makes sense, but not quite. I suppose that the gag is supposed to be that anyone who could spend two hours talking on any subject must be “really smart”? Even though he’s just spouting lies or ignorance? Anyway, after I finally got my head around what the dialog was supposed to mean, I realized that the little boy is talking to a vulture, what the hell. The terrible carrion-eater is probably just going to lull the kid into complacency with his banter before pecking out his eyes.

B.C., 8/25/08

I wonder how Johnny Hart would feel about the strip he created featuring fewer incomprehensible jokes about Jesus and more goofy jokes about the munchies. I’m feeling pretty good about it, myself.

Phantom, 8/25/08

I managed to avoid the just concluded Phantom story pretty effectively, but now at last we’re getting to what the kids like: red-hot Phantom-on-Mrs.-Phantom-on-private-island action! Careful, O naked heroes, those palm fronds look itchy.

Update: I appear to have been nominated to appear in some sort of hot blogger calendar (page may take a moment to load), as has Ces Marciuliano of Sally Forth fame (yes, he has a blog, too). Anyway, you should vote for one or both of us, if you want to see us pose in our underwear in a calendar or something. Thanks to faithful reader Bookworm for the tip!

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Panel from Sally Forth, 8/24/08

If you squint very hard at this panel, you will see that Ted has in fact spent the better part of the afternoon reading this very site, and I must give a huge thanks to faithful reader and Sally Forth scribe Ces Marciuliano for the shout-out! This is the most explicit mention of this blog in a mainstream newspaper comic since Rick Detorie had me killed.

Ted’s sang-froid after spending many hours perusing this blog (and, presumably, the comments) proves that he doesn’t care a bit about all of the slurs on his masculinity. I’m not surprised he’s a fan, since my target demographic has always been the pop-culture-obsessed emotionally arrested man-child.

Panels from For Better Or For Worse, 8/24/08

The rest of today’s FBOFW was a nauseating vortex of schmaltz and teal, but, God help me, I actually laughed at this. John apparently has no interest in actually forming a personal relationship with Anthony (and really, who can blame him), but will be exploiting the marital tie to get services for free. If all the stuff that folks gave out of the goodness of their hearts for this wedding is any indication, this is actually the driving principle behind all Patterson social interaction.

Panels from Mary Worth, 8/24/08

“What’s the matter with me? I miss Ian already!” is perhaps the most cogent question that has ever been asked in this strip. And the second panel, in which our poor heroine realizes that she has betrayed the trophy wife code, and that her heart is being inexorably pulled down into her husband’s emotional gravity well, is definitely among this feature’s most harrowing moments.

Panel from the Phantom, 8/24/08

Criminals in Mawitaan had better watch out — when Black Orville Redenbacher is on the case!

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Phantom, 7/1/2008

Joke’s on you, Stripey — this guy’s just as crazy as you are, and has a much better claim to the premises. You two “heroes” work it out among yourselves — just stay the hell off our streets.

Curtis, 7/1/2008

Yup — no stereotyping here.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/1/2008

Les and Santa there look a little too happy about Tony’s return, in a way that can’t bode well for Funky. And from the shaky grasp of the English language betrayed in panel three, things aren’t looking up for author Tom Batiuk, either.

Gasoline Alley, 7/1/2008

Ah, the fog parts and all becomes clear: The Humiliation of Rufus, Part XXVII reveals the futility of his dreams of glory, and betrayal of his unconditional love by the kitten he saved. On the plus side, he’s ready for a major part in Funky Winkerbean or Crankshaft.

Mary Worth, 7/1/2008

In the harsh glare of Mary’s intrusiveness, it’s easy to overlook the soft glow of her unrelenting pettiness. Here, she spurns her new (entirely hypothetical) love interest on the basis of his distaste for her beloved seafood: “Don’t like scrod? Then no, by God!”

Hey, everybody — Josh is back! Look for an “I’m back” post sometime Tuesday afternoon, followed by the generous banquet of the Joshy goodness we’ve all come to know and love. Thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy