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The Phantom, 4/9/06

Great Caesar’s Ghost-Who-Walks, has there ever been a more gratuitous sexy-woman-in-her-underwear panel in the history of the Sunday comics than row two, panel three of today’s Phantom? I mean, sure Diana lives in the jungle and all, but of course it didn’t actually occur to her to change into sporty safari gear before flying home, so obviously she’ll have to change in the middle of this jungle clearing. Yup. Obviously. Don’t bother going behind a tree or anything … there’s nobody here but your lawfully wedded husband, and millions of comics readers.

But for my reader who’s always demanding that Rex take June to the beach: This may be as close as you’re going to get, so enjoy it.

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The Phantom, 3/4/06

Here’s what you learned, kids: the Phantom is an evil bastard who will mess with your minds. It’ll take about five minutes to have that discussion; the rest of the hike will pass in awkward, resentful silence.

And what else have we learned?

Apartment 3-G, 3/4/06

We learned that MARGO MAGEE IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE HUMAN TIME BOMB OF EVIL! SHE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS! DON’T TAKE HER ANYWHERE! DON’T LET HER LEAVE THE HOUSE! SHE LEAVES ONLY SHATTERED LIVES IN HER WAKE!

And one more thing we learned:

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/06

We learned that felt good! But we think you already knew that, Rex.

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Gil Thorp, 2/25/06; Panels from the Phantom, 2/25-6/06; Apartment 3-G, For Better or for Worse, and panel from Mary Worth, 2/26/06

Is this the comics’ first prime number joke outside of Fox Trot?

Are these teasers — the latter acknowledging that no reader can be expected to have a clue as to what’s going on in the Sunday Phantom, the former being just flat-out cold — even better than Spider-Man’ Olivia-Newton John reference last year?

Has Margo, desperate for company now that her boss hates her and her roommates are snubbing her, gone and joined the Happy Hands Club?

Is it true that this bird you cannot chai-yi-ay-yi-ay-yi-aynge?

Psychedelic shock-happy bunny: Awesome, horrifying, or horrifyingly awesome?